And they wonder why teenage brains are melting

*Analogies and Metaphors*
These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.(deep very deep -
-He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. (oh that's bad)
- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. -
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (?)
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something. (that would make you slightly lame)
- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools. (This has happened to me, Love ya daddy!)
- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (I don't know if that's a good way to put it, but okay)
- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser. (Does that mean her eyes are green?)
- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. (Is that a good thing?)
- Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.
I think this last one is the best!
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.