Traffic Jams, Birthday Cake, and Quails Eggs Protests

It feels like I have driven up and down the M6 motorway too many times this week. The M6 is one of the longest motorways in the UK at 232.2 miles long. It took some 50 years to build, and at times if feels like you might have been travelling on it for as long. In my experience the Manchester to Birmingham section often resembles a slow moving car park for long periods of the day. This is precisely what the M6 was like on Thursday this week. Foolishly, I had decided to drive to Stafford University rather than take the train as I was due to attend a meeting later on that same evening at Holmes Chapel, some 25 miles apart and thought this would be the easiest way to get to both venues. In the end it took three hours to make a journey that should normally take at the most just 90mins. I was not impressed.

I was going to Stafford University as an External Examiner on a PhD Viva. I am always happy to be involved in these events, particularly when they involve hearing about the research of nurses or midwives. Less than 10% of nurses in the UK have a PhD, so I was very pleased that on this occasion the candidate defended their thesis well, and we were able to recommend the award was made. It was also great that he was a mental health nurse who had drawn upon my work in constructing his thesis.

Back on the M6 and the journey back to Holmes Chapel was a tortuous affair. The slow moving traffic, that in the morning had been overwhelming going southbound, seemed to have transferred to the northbound carriageways. It was a slow, frustrating and tiring journey back.

So it was with some trepidation that I started my journey yesterday morning down to Cardiff. For much of the journey one has to use the M6. I was on my way to celebrate my Fathers birthday, 30 guests were due to attend and most of the food was in the back of the car. Thankfully, the road was completely clear, the sun shone, and the autumnal colours were magnificent. The party was a success and a good time was had by all. The guests were family and friends. Among the group there was a teacher, midwife, financial regulator, falconer (complete with a miniature Peruvian Owl), a trainee policeman, house wives and house husbands, plumber, and lots of grandchildren. The conversations were often rich with description and difference.

One of my brothers told of how the social unrest in his part of Surrey (Kingston-upon-Thames) had reached new heights of unacceptability. It appears that the local youth make their protest known by throwing quails eggs at people’s property. He was deadly serious. I couldn’t quite imagine however, young people being so disaffected that they took themselves off to the local Waitrose store to purchase a dozen quails eggs to throw at peoples windows. Social protest is slightly different up here in the North.

The journey back from Cardiff along the M6 took just over three hours and was uneventful, and in a strange way calming. Happy Birthday Dad!

Wa, Wa, Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

So - i've had an ( emotional ) rollercoaster couple of days. I'm not going to into details and dont fret yourselves because it hasnt been anything major, just petty little arguments and missed opportunities juxtaposed against great lunchtime catch ups, beautiful snuggles and big belly laughs. Amongst it all, i have noticed that this will be my 399th post....oh how time flies! It feels like yesterday i was back at 14 followers and 300 posts and now, here we are, one away from the 4-0-0. And only 7 away from the magic 100 followers!

So my question is this - what would you like to see as my 400th post? What would you like more of around here ? I secretly aspire to be more like someone such as Lori at Random Ramblings Of A Stay At Home Mum but am unfortunately not possessed of the writing talent to reach the lofty heights of her fame ( man, oh man, if only someone offered me the chance to interview someone from Sesame Street! I'm still way jealous of you Miss Lori... ). With that in mind, leave ideas for my 400th post or things you'd like to see more of in the comments section!

When Government Unions Win, Everybody Else Loses

Not too much good news about public education coming out of our nation’s capital. Michelle Rhee resigned as chancellor of the Washington, DC school system. She was doing everything she could to break the left-wing teachers’ union’s power to protect its deadwood teachers and principals. She modified the teacher evaluation process by taking student progress on tests into consideration and she fired over 200 ineffective teachers and administrators. She had the support of Mayor Adrian Fenty, but other public employee unions including the infamously left-wing SEIU joined up to defeat him and pull the rug out from under Rhee. The American Federation of Teachers spent over $1 million in the effort.

Unions won. Students lost.

This came on the heels of another bit of bad news last year in our capitol city when Congress (which administers the District of Columbia) eliminated a school choice program for 1700 DC school children. President Obama, who sends his children to an expensive private school in DC, did nothing to support the school choice program for poor DC kids. Democrats are beholden to the teachers’s unions, which are the biggest supporters of that party nationwide, just ahead of trial lawyers. School choice anywhere it’s offered is anathema to teachers’ unions. Most of their political capital is spent defeating school choice (voucher) programs nationwide.

Here too, unions won. Students lost.

Shortly after Michelle Rhee resigned, the DC school system started feeding dinner to students as well as breakfast and lunch. According to an article at change.org, “This new early dinner program will feed 10,000 kids who may spend up to 10 hours a day at school in early-care and after-school programs.” So, now US taxpayers are feeding three meals a day to school kids in our nation’s capital. They’re spending ten hours a day in school with early care and after school programs, yet change.org is lamenting that food stamp aid may be cut to pay for it. “Forty percent of households reported not having enough money to buy food at least one time,” the article claims, and the federal government is “robbing Peter to pay Paul” when it cuts food stamps.

Why don’t those households have enough money for food when their kids are getting two or three free meals at school in addition to their food stamps? Are they bartering their food stamp benefits for other things on the street corner? According to an article in the Washington Examiner, the Washington DC school system has the fattest kids in the country. “The District has the highest childhood obesity rate in the country [according to] the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,” yet we’re supposed to feed them still more? What the heck is going on down there?

Most newspapers report the per-pupil cost for DC schools at $13,000 per year, but if an article in the Washington Times is correct, the real number is $24,600! That’s the figure you get when you take all the money spent on the schools and divided it by the number of students. My only question at this point is: when are we going to provide beds for them? We babysit them before and after school, we feed them, we teach them to brush their teeth, teach them about the birds and the bees, provide counseling - so what’s left for parents to do? Where is it going to end?

The school choice program that Democrats in Congress cut cost the Washington DC school district only $7500 per pupil. At $24,600 per pupil the District spends, that would be a net savings of more than $17,000 per student. The 1700 students who took advantage of it were thriving. Their parents were happy with it too, but the teachers’ unions were not because it shined a bright light on what a bloated, corrupt education bureaucracy the unions created and preserved. If it expanded and was copied across the country, the teachers’ union monopoly would be smashed and Democrats would lose their biggest constituency. It had to go.

The federal government administers Washington, DC. Its schools are among the most expensive in the country, yet its students score among the lowest on standardized tests. If there’s a congressman or senator who sends his/her kids to the public schools in that city, I don’t know who it is. Nevertheless, that same federal government is taking more and more control of all the nation’s schools through an expanding US Department of Education.

As a long-time public school teacher, I don’t see that as an encouraging trend. How about we get rid of some Democrats next Tuesday?

Operation Slimdown, Mach 2 - Week 5

This week sucks. I hate this weeks guts. If it were a person, i'd want to talk trash about it and maybe kick it in the throat. How bout we dispense with the small talk and just look at the stats?
Weight - 77.2 kgs. Up 600g ( so there goes the 500g i lost last week )
Bust - 100.5cm. Up a whopping 3.5cm. This may because i'm pre-menstrual ( TMI? ) and could be helped along by a better bra than other weeks...
Waist - 85.5cm. Up 3cm.
Hips - 104.5cm. Up 1.5cm.
Butt - 109cm. No change ( suprised? )
Thigh - 67cm. Up 0.5cm

How is that even possible? How can i only go up 600g - which could be water retention seeing as i drank around 1.2l of water before my weigh in - but have my measurements go up so dramatically? I'm not going to lie - its really, REALLY, freaking disheartening. I didnt do as much exercise as i would like last week because of the crappy weather ( cant take a baby for a walk in the rain ) and Sunday was a big bbq lunch for my sisters birthday ( and i've got another one this Sunday for my brothers birthday ). I'm just so disappointed.... in the past i've found it easier than this to lose weight. It never came off super quickly but it came off consistently. This non-consistent crap? This sucks.

My only consolation is i think my Zumba dvds are waiting for me at the post office, so i can definately get some more exercise in this week, regardless of the stupid weather, and i'm already drinking more water during the day at work. For now ? I'm going to go cry into a bowl of ice-cream and climb back up on the stupid, rickety, diet bandwagon tomorrow...

All Things

"I want Thy plan, O God, for my life. May I be happy and contented whether in the homeland or the foreign field; whether married or alone; in happiness or sorrow; health or sickness; prosperity or adversity- I want Thy plan, O God, for my life. I want it; oh I want it!" Oswald J. Smith

That is pretty much my new favorite quote. It puts into words what I'm praying for in my life right now. To want God's plan. And I do. It's unnerving at times because I don't know the what's, when's, who's, and how's. But I'm learning to be more patient every day. I'm trusting God to show me what to do. I'm trusting God to take me where he wants me to go. I'm trusting God to show me who to meet. And I'm trusting God to show me how to do what he wants me to do.

It is not easy and I'm not perfect. I can't do much on my own. There are some things, small things, that I can do but when it comes to the big stuff it usually doesn't turn out so good. But that's a great thing about God. He doesn't need us and our little abilities. He doesn't need the professional singer to lead people in worship. He doesn't need the person with the biggest faith to go Africa and be a missionary. He doesn't need us to do. He needs us to be willing.

Jesus said "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can say to this mountain "move" and it will move."

Can you believe that? Faith the size of a mustard seed. Do you know how small a mustard seed is? It's TINY. And Jesus said if you have faith of that size you could move mountains. Isn't that amazing!!! I think it's beyond amazing. The fact that God can use mustard sized faith to move mountains blows my mind. I tend to get stuck in the rut of "I don't have the faith to do..." and that's wrong to think. When we say we can't do something we're saying God can't do something and HELLO ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE WITH GOD!!! Not just the somethings that we can do but ALL THINGS.

Never forget that God can do all things through you. Just because you can't (humanly speaking) move mountains does not mean God can't move mountains using you. "The word 'No' and 'Lord' do not go together in the Christian vocabulary."

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....

... its off to work i go! Oh yes, tomorrow will be my first day back at work after 11 months of maternity leave. I am about 10% looking forward to it and 90% not wanting it to happen.
I dont want to leave my Flynny.
I dont want to miss his first steps ( seriously, i reckon he's a month away from walking.. )
I dont want him to get upset because i'm not there with him.
I dont want to go back to work and have to re-learn all the crap i've forgotten since i left ( i think i'm going to have to read the manual that I wrote for my co-workers last year! )
I dont want to have to deal with the state manager that i just cannot stand.
I dont want to deal with rude and obnoxious customers when i could be spending quality time with my son.

But, most of all, i dont want to be broke....and thats why i'm going back to work. 3 days, 9am-5am, is the minimum amount of work i can do to get paid enough to cover our bills and, combined with Micks wages, leave us enough to live comfortably. Some weeks, maybe, not even comfortably - just to make ends meet. So even though i'm not looking forward to it, even though i'll miss my little bubba and i might miss one of his huge milestones ( and i'll be incredibly upset and guilty if that does happen ... ) i recognise that i HAVE to go back to work, for the good of my family. Its that whole unselfish, sacrificing mother thing - despite what i really would like to do, i know that sucking it up and just getting in there and doing is going to be what benefits us most.
Lets just hope i can last more than a week before i get the shits with someone....

Holidays, Hearing Hopes Dashed, and Emails Ignored

Well last week was great. I was on holiday in Scotland, on the Solway Coast, and the sun shined. The Gulf Stream weather kicked in and it was wall to wall sunshine and clear, clear days. The light was fantastic, the air fresh and I was able to really get away from it all. I notched up six books read (all novels of course!) and when not reading or resting my eyes, I walked. For those of you who have not been to this part of the world, you can walk for miles on rolling hills without seeing another person, stroll on deserted white beaches, with just the waves for company, and trek through forests that are so vast that it defies one’s ability to comprehend the scale of planting.

Cello acted as if he had never had it so good. Last time we were up here he was plagued by ticks and became poorly, was miserable and generally did not enjoy himself. However, this time, thanks to the wonders of veterinary science (which as we know, is akin to the wonders of medical science) he was kept safe and was able to bound up mountains, leap streams, swim in the sea, and generally had a great time!

As the week progressed, I felt strangely quite guilty. There I was relaxing and having a good time, while elsewhere, many others were awaiting the outcomes of the UK Governments Comprehensive Spending Review. Much had been trailed before, and as a School Executive we have spent some time thinking about the possible scenarios arising from a reduction in our income and in the resources of our partner organisations. When the announcement came, I watched it live on TV and my feelings of guilt and depression rose to new levels. It seemed to me that the consequences of what was being proposed would, for all of us, be far reaching, and likely last for many years to come.

That I was almost completely deaf during this time was of little consequence. Having self diagnosed tinnitus a few weeks ago, I finally went to the GP, who, surprisingly swiftly, diagnosed a wax in the ear problem. He said the treatment was simple. All it required was olive oil (virgin) drops applied to both ears twice a day and then having both ears syringed. Getting the olive oil was easy, well once I got past the ‘health and safety’ inquisition from the Tesco pharmacy assistant. Getting someone to syringe my ears was much more problematical.

In Bolton, those requiring such treatment must ring a central telephone number. I rang, spoke to a very helpful person who arranged an appointment for yesterday (Saturday!). Whilst being seen on a Saturday impressed me, the delay in getting an appointment ran to over a week. Getting there at the appointed time I was wheeled in and asked the usual questions and I was then examined. The changes in the nurse’s body behaviour alerted me to a problem. When she excused herself to find another colleague to come and examine me, my pulse rate increased, slightly. The second nurse came in and examined me and immediately her body language changed from relaxed to a somewhat more guarded posture.

Now as a trained anthropologist, one of things I find myself doing all the time is observing the behaviour of others. Some call this people watching, and ever since I started my training as a mental health nurse I have been fascinated by observing the behaviour of others. So I found it an interesting experience sitting in the examination room with two health care practitioners talking about me as if I wasn’t there, presumably because I couldn’t hear, but doing so whilst sending out high anxiety non verbal communications. I am sure Jan-Kåre Breivikwas, the Norwegian anthropologist whose work on the cultural identities of deaf people and populations has contributed to changing attitudes towards minority cultural groups, particularly people who are deaf.

Eventually, the senior of the two nurses said, I wasn’t to worry, but I needed to see my GP as soon as possible that my right ear in particular was infected and very inflamed. I told them I wasn’t worried as getting to see my GP for the referral to the syringe of ears clinic had taken nearly two weeks and I assumed it would take another two weeks to see him again. By which time whatever the problem was would probably have cured itself. I just had to deal with the deafness, or so I thought. However, on returning home I was advised (strongly) that I needed to report to the Walk-in Clinic at 08.30am, and get the nurse on duty to prescribe some antibiotics.

So despite, having hundreds of (holiday) emails to deal with (and apologies if yours is one of these), that is what I shall be doing later on this morning. And there was me thinking that dealing with the CSR outcomes was tough!

The Seven Stages

I dont know if its common knowledge or not, but apparently there are 7 stages of grieving for a human being.
1. Shock and denial
2. Pain and guilt
3. Anger and frusturation
4. Depression and reflection
5. The " upward " turn
6. Reconstruction
7. Acceptance

Strangely, after the "break up " with my best friend, i find myself going through these stages. No-one has died, yet i still feel grief for a relationship lost. Is that weird? And do you know where i think i'm up to?
3. Anger and Frusturation - Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else . This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. Yes, after all these years of being meek and mild, of being the kind of person who dislikes confrontation, who can find the good in most people, i've finally arrived at "angry ". I'm not exactly wanting to " lay unwarranted blame " because as far as i'm concerned it takes two to tango ( so they say ). I am at the stage where i have confronted the accusations thrown at me and come to accept that even if i dont understand where they have come from, i do understand that they are real to her, and i have accepted responsibility for that. However, i have also looked back on the past few years of relationship and have had the clarity to see all those little things i missed, those signs that i was on the outer....and i feel stupid. I feel like i've been lead on and played for a fool, and that makes me both sad and angry. Sad that i missed them all and i could have saved myself this heartache, if only i werent so trusting; and angry that i could have been treated that way by someone who once, supposedly, loved me.And angry, too, that she can't or wont "own " how she's made me feel.
And yes, its time for the release of bottled up emotion. But i wont do that here, and i wont do it to her face ( partly because i dont want to cause any more trouble, and partly because i have no line of communication with her anymore ). No, i do it in the shower, like all good women. In the shower i'm free to talk under the sound of the water, to whisper all those words i'd like to say, to let out the feelings that have been dragging me down the last few weeks, and to cry and cry and cry, and let the water wash away any evidence of my tears.
In the shower i can be naked, physically and emotionally, and i can let.It.Out. I just wonder how much longer til i reach the seventh stage and i can let it all go....

fall. Fall! FALLLL!!!!

Fall goes by quick here in Tennessee. Luckily I was able to get quite a few good pictures of the scenery. Enjoy!!

Hot Showers and Indoor Toilets

Indoor toilets and hot showers are great. Both are only short steps from my bed and I start every day with them. Central heat is nice too. I hope to have all three for the rest of my days - about twenty more years for an almost-sixty-year-old, heterosexual white guy according to the actuaries - but I’m not fully confident that I will. For that, I’ll need steady and affordable supplies of electricity and fossil fuel for the next two decades and those require a stable infrastructure, both physical and financial. In spite of what the lefty Cassandras proclaim about us running out of fossil fuels, we’re not, and we won’t for centuries to come. It’s the cracks in our financial infrastructure that worry me. Maybe it’s the widespread strikes in France over raising the retirement age from 60 to 62. French unions are shutting down refineries and pipelines. Maybe it’s the riots in Greece over similar benefit and retirement issues. Both portend unrest here in America, which is on the same path many European countries have been traveling. Frenchmen and Greeks and many other Europeans are like petulant children who expect their parent government to take care of them while they put their feet up and relax. They want to retire young, then collect full pensions and benefits for two or three decades. They don’t seem to care or even understand how unrealistic those expectations are. They don’t have enough young people to work and pay the taxes necessary to keep it all going - and it’s their own fault.

When so many French, Italians, Spaniards, Germans, and Greeks choose not to bear enough children even to replace themselves, who did they think was going to keep working to support them in their declining years? Yeah, I know children are expensive, take a lot of energy and sacrifice and are a pain to raise sometimes, but what’s the alternative? Did they think immigrants were going to fill in for the children they never had? Immigrants, legal and illegal, have swarmed into Europe from Muslim countries to the south, but they’re not assimilating. They don’t want to become Frenchmen, Spaniards, Norwegians, Swedes, or Italians, and they are proving to be a net drain on government services instead of contributing to the pensions and benefits of aging Europeans. Rather than showing affection for their new homelands, the new immigrants seem disdainful. Immigrant neighborhoods are breeding grounds for terrorists. All this has lead German Chancellor Angela Merkel to declare that multiculturalism - the liberal dream that people from every culture would come to Europe and be smiling, happy people holding hands - “has utterly failed.” She might as well have said that European socialism has utterly failed as well because it has. It’s responsible for a generation of selfish, pampered, spoiled citizens who want what they want no matter what it costs. They don’t care if everything comes crashing down after them, as long as they get theirs while they’re still living.

After 33+ years as a public-school teacher in Maine, there’s a pension coming to me for the rest of my days - theoretically. I have no debts. My expenses are low. My wife and I know how to live frugally, having spent most of our lives together working multiple jobs, paying the bills and raising a family. With a pension, we could cut back our workload a bit and live fairly comfortably but one thing nags at me: Can I depend on that that pension being there in five years? Ten years? Maybe. Maybe not. State pension funds are in trouble all over the country, underfunded by over $3 trillion. As Andrew Biggs writes in the Wall Street Journal: “According to accounting rules adopted by the states, a public sector pension plan may call itself "fully funded" even if there is a better-than-even chance it will be unable to meet its obligations.” Many don’t even reach that threshold. Just as in Europe, government employee unions and left-wing politicians here signed extremely generous agreements over the years that both sides must have known were little better than Ponzi schemes. They worked well for the first waves of retirees, but - as with Social Security - bankruptcy looms for baby boomers like me who are beginning to retire now. The forty million babies aborted in America over the last four decades would have come in handy about now, but oh well. It’s likely they’d have been much more productive than the 12-20 million illegal immigrants from Latin countries to our south who have been allowed in to replace them. Like Muslim immigrants in European countries, they’re a net drain on our system, but at least they’re not plotting to bring down western civilization as Muslim immigrants are in Europe. That’s a consolation. Socialist Democrats running the White House and Congress have added over $3 trillion to our national debt in less than two years. The Federal Reserve is printing $100 billion a month, yet unemployment is still rising. Nonetheless, my toilet worked this morning. Hot water was there in the shower. The heat came on. I still have a job to go to and the election is less than two weeks away.

One day at a time.

Operation Slimdown, Mach 2 - Week 4

Ah, weigh in day. Somehow i manage to simulataneously love and loathe you. Love - because i'm kind of excited to see how i've gone over the week. Loathe - because i'm afraid of what i'm going to find!

I cant say that this week has been particularly good, or bad for that matter. I've exercised, but havent pushed myself to my limits; i've eaten healthy food but probably too much of them; i drank more water than usual but still not enough. I've looked forward to exercising each day which i suppose is a start, but each session bar two this week has been pretty easy. I did my weekly Zumba class and loved it, and i found this was the one session where i really gave it everything and worked up a good sweat. I think its easier to go hard when your doing an activity you enjoy. With that in mind i tried a half hour Zumba session on DVD that my sister had burned for me, but it was an advanced power workout, and i gave up halfway through because i didnt know what i was doing and just felt overwhelmed. However, i have just last night purchased myself the full 4 DVD Zumba beginners set ( for $25, on http://www.oztion.com.au/ ..... take that Danoz Direct, you ripoff merchants! ) and plan on doing some Zumba 5 days a week. If i can convince Mick to let me use the one tv in our house for a little while on the weekends....

So, onto the important stuff - the numbers!
Weight - 76.6kgs. A loss of 500g. Again, not an overly awesome result, and i'm a little disappointed that it wasnt more but a loss is a loss...
Bust - 97cm. Down 0.5cm
Waist - 82.5cm. Down 1.5cm. Maybe all that twisting at Zumba is starting to pay off around the midsection!
Hips - 103cm. Up 0.5cm. Hmmm....
Bum - 109cm. Up 1cm. What the?
Thigh - 66.5cm. No change.

So, we can see that apparently i am turning into some kind of Kim Kardashian clone. What is up with that? How can i lose a little from the top and gain a little on the bottom ? Maybe all the fat from the middle just slipped down a bit, but whatever is going on it has me worried about the near development of a bubble butt. So, onto next week which will see me back at work 3 days a week. I kind of see that as a plus because it means i'll definately be drinking more water ( i keep a 1L bottle on my desk and sip during the day ) and less opportunities to make bad snack decisions. That is, i can only snack once ( on my 10 minute break ) and i can only snack on what i've brought from home, so if i pack myself a nice piece of fruit or a tub of yoghurt i cant be tempted by chocolate or a yummy piece of peanut buttery toast because they wont be there!
Tune in again next week to see how well i go during week one back from maternity leave....

A Weekend By The Numbers

2.5 - hours spent bored on Friday night. Seriously, there was nothing on free-to-air tv ( and we dont have Foxtel ) that i was interested in, although Mick was quite happy watching " boy " programs on the new 7Mate channel. I thought i could start reading a new book ( and by new i mean one from own library that i havent read in a while... ) but i didnt want to seem like i was ignoring my sweetheart. So lie down on the couch next to him, shoved my feet on his lap and asked for a massage. It didnt work...

$169 - spent on this weeks groceries. A little more expensive than usual, bu that did include a new tin of formula, a 10 pack of AA batteries and sensitive skin shaving cream - all relatively pricey items we dont usually buy. And i managed to do the groceries in under 45 minutes because Mick decided the weather was that shitty i could go do the groceries on my own and he'd stay home with Flynn. See what i can do without the two male distractions in my life?

2 - movies watched. Yep, the crappy weather meant it was perfect for a movie day, so we chucked the spare mattress on the loungeroom floor and veged for the afternoon. We watched " Iron Man 2 " which i really enjoyed ( even though i fell asleep and had to catch up the half hr i missed later in the evening ) because, lets face it, i'm kind-of-not secretly a comic book movie fan; and " Shutter Island " which we both agreed was a great movie ( despite Mick falling asleep and me having to catch him up on the half hr he missed ). I'm not going to give away an details for those who havent seen it but its one of those head-trippy thrillers that has you questioning everyones motives and everyones truths... ooh, mysterious!

7 +3 - slices of bacon + eggs cooked for breakfast on Sunday morning. Ah, bacon and eggs on a Sunday... its not exactly a ritual around here but is rather kept for special occasions or just as a way to say " i appreciate you baby ! ".

1 - year anniversary. Of what ? Sunday was one year since Michael proposed to me...aww, romantical. Thats why i was making the bacon and eggs...it was both a special occasion and a appreciative thankyou breakfast.

5 - people that we had over for afternoon tea: my mum, dad, brother, SIL and almost-2 yr old neice. Despite my love of baking, i had no time up my sleeve to whip up a tasty treat, so we just grabbed a pack of lamingtons from Woolies. Everyone loves a lamington! Or a mint slice biscuit, as i found out when my neice only ate half of hers before it was time for to leave, and Flynn found the discarded half about 20 mins later when he woke up from his nap. Mmmm, chocolatey mess on the carpet....

750 - millilitres of cheap champas sparkling wine drunk by Michael and myself over a romantic candlelit dinner after Flynn had gone to sleep. He cooked dinner ( a yummy Indian Curry Chicken Rice ) and i made dessert ( Chocolate Mousse with mixed berries ) and we sat and chatted across the rarely used dining table and enjoyed our lovely meal without the interruptions of our ( gorgeous ) crazy baby. Then we retired to our boudoir for the evening....to snuggle. And sleep. What else would we be doing in their you perves ? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge...

Gone walking!

Hello everyone, I am now on holiday in Scotland, for a few days walking. The next blog will be published on the 24th Oct!

Do We Really Need To Go THAT Overboard?

I think i have may have mentioned before but.... i'm getting married next year. November 5th, 2011 to be exact. So even though my wedding is still quite a ways away i'm already bookmarking wedding blogs, and searching Google images for pretty wedding hair and bitching about the other brides on " Four Weddings".  And yesterday i came across this article about a women who's wedding budget blew out so much that her wedding debt has now outlasted her marriage ( a shame on both accounts ). Which, though i have pondered it before, got me thinking - why the hell is there any need to spend sooooooooo much on a wedding which is, in reality, only one day of your life?

We've all heard of the crazy bridezillas who spend fifty, sixty, seventy thousand dollars on their "dream wedding ". Celebrities i can understand, but how on earth any normal person can justifty spending the equivalent of a house deposit on one day - hell, its only a few hours of the day! - is just beyond me. I'm sure there will be women out there saying " But i loved my day! And it was MY day, what i WANTED, so why shouldnt i spend that much ? " To that i say - fair point. Its your day, spend what you want it on it. But to me, i just cant see how a $5000 dress makes you any happier than a $500 dress, or how Swarovski crystal table centrepieces brings you any more real, lasting joy than a beautiful bunch of flowers. Sure the pretty things and the extra fine dining might give you momentary thrills, but a few months down the track, when your struggling to pay all your bills, is that really going to be worth it ? I wouldnt think so.

Mick and I have a budget of $10 000 ( very kindl, traditionally and generously supplied by my parents. Otherwise, we wouldnt be having a wedding because we gots very little money of our own ). We're hoping to squeeze at least part of the honeymoon cost in under that $10 000 and i cant see why we cant make that happen. We're simple people with simple tastes - though " simple " does not ( as some people seem to think ) equate to " tacky ". No - i like fine, pretty things as much as the next woman, i just refuse to spend exorbitant amounts of money for those fine pretty things. I've already bought my dress and i paid $400 for it, marked down from $1200. To me thats nothing to be ashamed of - its a beautiful dress, it looks gorgeous on me, and its savvy shopping! I'm not the kind of girl thats dreamed of her " big day " since she was 5, but my dress is a beautiful Grecian style and thats what i was looking for. It may have been on sale, it may have been " cheap " but i fail to see how spending a few thousand dollars more on a similar dress would make me any happier....

What i'm trying to get at is I personally am not going to feel the need to spend a small fortune on one day of my life. The wedding is, after all, only one day and what is going to matter to me more is the marriage ....all those days after the white dress and the flowers and the cake. I'm going to be grossly, vomit-worthy happy to be in my $500 dress, in a local park beside a pretty (albeit man made ) lake, exchanging vows and jewellry with the man i love. And i'm going to enjoy my reception afterward at a local " boutique beer " establishment, upstairs in its function room with its fairy lighted ceiling, eating gourmet " pub grub " and more than likely dancing to an IPod playlist. As long as the man i love, and the little man i love, and the rest of my people are there enjoying it with me, the dollars spent ( or not spend, in my case ) wont matter a dot....
What about you? If your married, did you have a budget do or a an extravaganza? If your not married - what do you think ?

"..For whatever is in your heart determines what you say."

That's Matthew 12:34. Jesus said that. And of course it is very true.

I was reminded of that verse a couple of weeks ago in youth group. We were playing this game where you had to talk for thirty seconds without saying "um," on a given subject(it's harder than you think. You should try it sometime). Well I was the Junior representative for the game and my subject was what I wanted to be when I grow up. I proceed to talk about what I wanted to be and how looking for colleges was kind of hard and stressful and how they all could look forward to that and so on and so forth.

I had never had my heart revealed to me like that.

I was so bummed and shocked when I realized that I'd let my heart be filled with all this stress and worry. I just assumed that when I "gave" things up to God that it was all good. But (as I've done many many times) I didn't give it all up. I gave up enough to get me to sleep at night.

God knew I needed a wake up call and he used me spilling my guts in a silly game to show me that he wasn't the center of my heart anymore. He knew I was going to drive myself bonkers if I didn't see that I had all this stress pent up in me. And he was right. He always is. He's got my future all planned out. He declared, "I know the plans I have for you."

That verse is used a lot. It's such a great verse but I think we don't take it as we really should. We think, "Oh God's got a plans for me!! That's great. I'm going to sit here and help him work it out." At least I think that (a lot). What we don't think is "God's got a plan for me and he's going to use me as he wants me to, to do what he wants me to." We think we're the co-pilots and we're not. We are along for the ride to the destination God has for us.

It's a strange and hard idea to get used to. Everything in us wants to figure out and plan out and imagine out how everything's going to be. We say I'm going here. I'm doing this. It's going to happen there. Every detail is stressed, worried, planned, set into motion, and then is lost because it wasn't what or how God wanted it to be.

I don't say that to make it sound like God is a dream squasher or plan crusher. He's not. He'll listen to your plans and then he may say "Yes," to them. He may say, "No," to them. And he may even say "Wait." <-- (That's the hardest one.) In the end God's way trumps all. He's God. He knows all and can do all. Whether or not we let him lead us willingly into his plan or we stumble over our own and have God's (greater, bigger, better) purpose revealed to us, is the key.

Hope this helps you.

Later.

Commander-In-Defeat?

American soldiers fight and die in Afghanistan because they believe they’re defending our country and our way of life. It’s disturbing to read in Bob Woodward’s recently-published book “Obama’s War” that their commander-in-chief doesn’t see it the way they do. Woodward’s account leaves the impression that President Obama only wants to appear that he shares our soldiers’ beliefs, but that he really sees the war as a political problem to rid himself of before reelection time.

As a US senator and presidential candidate, Obama said over and over that President Bush’s Iraq War was a distraction and that the important was was in Afghanistan. Enough Americans believed him to put him in charge as president. His generals believed him too, so when the newly-elected Obama asked them at strategy meetings what his options were, they laid out various plans to win. Obama got exasperated because he didn’t really want to win. He wanted to get out.

As Woodward puts it:

President Obama was on edge. For two exhausting months, [Obama] had been asking military advisers to give him a range of options for the war in Afghanistan. Instead, he felt that they were steering him toward one outcome and thwarting his search for an exit plan. He would later tell his White House aides that military leaders were "really cooking this thing in the direction they wanted."

If Obama’s generals were wrong about anything, it was believing what their commander-in-chief said. It’s clear after almost two years in office that although he was great at campaigning, he has little idea about how to govern. It would be one thing if he believed a ground war in Afghanistan wasn’t the way to defeat our enemies and was looking for a different strategy. There’s enough historical precedent given England’s and the former Soviet Union’s experience in Afghanistan to support a re-thinking. If he asked for ideas about a covert, unconventional, low-intensity conflict together with a world-wide anti-jihad propaganda campaign that might be more effective at defeating our enemies, people might understand. But he’s not doing that. He just wants out.

Obama refuses even to define our enemy as Radical Islam. What does he think might be a common factor with al Qaeda, the Taliban, and Hezbollah? Why is he eliminating references to “Islamic Radicalism” and “jihad” from key national security documents? What’s going on? Does President Obama think he can bring his teleprompter over there and charm them out of their intentions to bring down western civilization?

Key military advisors Woodward mentions in “Obama’s Wars” are resigning, including Obama’s National Security Advisor James Jones, a retired Marine General who is quoted in an interview with Der Spiegel on Obama’s approach to the war: “Hope is not a strategy.”

That we have men and women willing to die in combat assures the survival of our way of life. They’re not suicidal as our enemies are, but they’re willing to risk their lives to defend our country against those enemies. Their ideals are among the greatest any of us possess and they deserve our highest respect. Because, after all, it’s all about ideals. It’s about their belief that America is exceptional. It’s the best country in the world and the last best hope on earth, as Abraham Lincoln described the United States of America. It’s about believing that our country is greater than we are, that what it represents is worth dying for. The men who volunteer for combat are proud of their country, and that’s why they do what they do. It’s becoming painfully apparent, however, that their commander-in-chief who orders them into battle doesn’t share their ideals. That’s bad. That’s very bad for all of us.

I wonder how our combat soldiers felt when, only after her husband won presidential primaries, they heard Michelle Obama declare: “And let me tell you something -- for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country.” The first time? Was that a clue that the man who went on to become their commander-in-chief might have similar feelings? It would seem so given that he sat in the pew of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright’s church listening to his anti-American rants for twenty years and launched his political career in the living room of left-wing terrorist Bill Ayers who attempted to violently overthrow the US government.

It’s consoling for families who lose loved ones in combat to believe they died defending their country. How will those fathers, mothers, sisters, wives, and children feel when they read evidence in Woodward’s book that their president is only using our soldiers for his personal political purposes?

Like ChickenMan.... We're Everywhere!

Who's we ( If you have to ask who ChickenMan is, clearly you didnt listen to the radio as a kid... )? We is us, the mentally ill. The one's who have depression, anxiety disorder, PND, schizophrenia, multiple personalities. We're everywhere and everyone, and i wanted to take this chance during National Mental Health Week to let the rest of you in on a secret - we're not crazy. Or dangerous. As Matchbox Twenty once put it " I'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell ". Kudos to you Rob Thomas and band - that sums it up pretty damn well.

I've posted about it on here before a bazillion times but i'm not ashamed to say it again - i have previously suffered from clincial depression and social anxiety disorder. I say previously because i'm not in that dark place anymore, but i know and appreciate that there is always a chance i could succumb again at some stage. If i do it will be okay, because i know i'll have the strength to come through it again. I suffered for a long time, but with a lot of hardwork, great support, and an eventual break in those pyschological barriers, i've gotten better. I've achieved a few personal milestones that in my darkest times i though could only be found under a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Or, in other words, in a fantasy land that i just wasnt every going to get to. But here i am, living the dream, or at least parts of it.

So i'm living proof that mentally ill people are:
a) everyday people. The people you know, the people you meet on the street, the people who work at the mall.
b) not always going to be mentally ill. Just because they're living in the darkness or in a muddled foggy cloud, doesnt mean they wont ever find the sunshine again. Be patient. Be supportive. Be there.
c) not a scourge on society. I couldnt be a scourge if i tried!

I know some of you out there have current mental health issues that your fighting and to you i say - be strong. You CAN do it. In the spirit of Mental Health Week i'm sending you positive vibes and all my cyber love. To those of you are mentally fit and competent i say - congratulations! Oh, and could you please spare some good vibes and cyber love and send it out to everyone under a black cloud this week?

Operation Slimdown, Mach 2 - Week 3

Its Tuesday again ( funny that, we have one every week... ) which means today is the day i take stock of the weeks eating and exercise and see where i've ended up. To tell you the truth, i wasnt exactly looking forward to weighing myself in and taking my measurements this week - last week down at Tresillian was a bit of a write off, what with the hospital food and the rain and no access to my exercise dvds. I did manage to get out for a few walks with Flynn, but only around one city block - though i suppose thats better than nothing right ? I got myself back up on the bandwagon yesterday - Monday is the traditional day of starting stuff! - by going back to eating smaller portions. I didnt really get any exercise in ( Mick came home sick so i was a bit consumed with looking after the poor little fella... ) but its only 10:30am and i've already been for a walk. Jog. Sort of. What i mean is that i've been out and done a hybrid walk/jog - i didnt jog too far for too long ( it felt my lungs were going to burst out of my chest ! ) but i know with time and patience i can get back to jogging again. If i push myself. Which i will.

So - now to the juicy stuff! Where is my bootylicious body at this week?
Weight - 77.1kgs. I've lost 700g in two weeks: not exactly the result i was hoping for but after last week i'll take it.
Bust - 97.5cm. Thats down by 1.5cm - why is that my boobs are always the first to go?
Waist - 84cm, down 0.5cm
Hips - 102.5cm, also down 0.5cm
Bum - 108cm, no change.
Thigh - 66.5cm, down ( would you believe it? ) 0.5cm

So i guess i've shrunk just a teeny tiny fraction in the past fortnight - all except my bum. Damn you bubble butt! Good news is, it also looks like i'm shrinking in proportion - except for my boobs. Can i get my baby boobs back and just sacrifice everything else? Ah well - on to next week!

I Needs Some Good Ideas!

Hello there, and welcome to another ( and long overdue ) Blog This! challenge. Its not that i havent been regularly participating, but rather that the sites admin was going through a little bit of a change up and there were no challenges posted. However, challenges are back and this week:
Do you have a problem or is there something you're struggling with? Small or big, something that just won't go away? No matter where you look you can't find the solution?

This week's challenge is to share a struggle or problem you're currently facing and ask other Blog This members for advice and suggestions!

So, mine isnt exactly a huge problem, and its not exactly a struggle ( i've already blogged the whole sleep issue thing to death, and Operation Slimdown is its own kettle of fish ) but here' what i want to put to you guys: my gorgeous Flynn is now 9 and half months old, which means his first birthday is slowly creeping up on me, and no doubt time will fly in the lead up to Christmas. I'm already starting to think about his first birthday party which i'd love to be a small, simple, fun affair for everyone involved. Bearing in mind the majority of guests will be adults and family ( i'm going to invite a few of his little friends from mothers group though ) i'm thinking a barbecue at Grandma and Poppys place is the best way to go. However, their is still the matter of the most important part ( for me ) of the whole shebang -
What in the hell crap am i going to make for his first birthday cake?!?
I want something thats going to be cute and look good in photos, so we can look back and say " Look at that cool cake Mummy made you when you turned one! ". I have a few ideas - maybe i could do a caterpillar, cutting five "rounds " from some larger cakes and spell out his name on the body using Smarties; maybe i could make a puppy dog face because he really likes his " Woof Woof! " book; Maybe i could just make something yummy and stick Elmo's face on it. But thats all i got people - i needs some suggestions!
Things to bear in mind - he's turning one; his birthday is December 27th so he's pretty much a Christmas baby; he's good with motor skills and Sesame Street seems to be his favourite tv show.

So go to it ladies and (possible ) gents - do you have any suggestions for a cute 1st birthday cake?

Memories of Singapore, Liberating Durham, and THAT Milk Advert

This time last year I was in Singapore. It was hot, humid and exciting. I was attending the inaugural meeting of the Cochrane Nursing Care Network. Unfortunately, since then it has been difficult to encourage colleagues to participate in exploring the numerous systematic Cochrane reviews, in order to identify what the nursing in-put might be. I think this is an important aspect of developing an evidence base for nursing practice. I also understand that such an approach is not going to be for everyone. Singapore is one of my favourite places to visit. Whenever there I always try have a drink in the Long Bar at Raffles, and that ice cold beer always tastes as good as it did the first time I went there many years ago.

I also recalled that the last time I was in Singapore I was only on my 8th blog! Those were early days and unlike last week (and the numerous comments around nurse uniforms – and there is a Polo connection) way back then, I wasn’t always sure what I wanted to say. However, I do remember that it was World Mental Health Day on the weekend I was away, and today, the 10th October 2010, it is once again World Mental Health Day. Achieving good mental health is a global concern. The World Health Organisation estimate that more than 450 million people suffer from mental illness. Many more have mental problems. In the UK, one third of all people visiting GPs will have a mental health problem. Every day, 1 in 6 of us experiences mental ill health. 1 in 5 consultations in primary care are for physical illnesses, but many of these conditions, (stroke, coronary heart disease, diabetes) will often give rise to related mental health problems (depression, anxiety and so on).

World Mental Health Day is a day aimed at raising awareness about mental health issues. The day aims to promote more open discussion of mental illness, mental health and wellbeing. The World Health Organisation describes mental health is being an integral part of health; indeed, there is no health without mental health. As part of the awareness raising aims of World Mental Health Day, the School of Nursing & Midwifery is displaying posters and papers that present some of the work being carried out by colleagues into different aspects of mental health and well being. This work can be seen in the Allerton Concourse. If you are unable to come along, more information about this work, and other work in this area from across the College of Health and Social Care can be obtained by emailing nmresearch@salford.ac.uk Use this email address to learn more about what you can do to promote good mental health and well being.

I was in Durham on Thursday, which although less exotic than Singapore, has its own attractions. I was attending a Council of Deans of Health Meeting. One of the opportunities we had was to engage in was some quality analysis of the Liberating the NHS White Paper. We were helped in this work by Karen Middleton, Chief Health Professions Officer at the Department of Health.

I have to say that at the end of the session I was excited by the possibilities the White Paper proposal presented, but I was in awe of the challenges involved in achieving these. Whilst superficially at least, some of the proposals take us back to the Margaret Thatcher dream of a NHS delivered through the use of market principles, structures and processes, the new opportunities take this dream to a new level.

Ambiguity, uncertainty, not knowing and an absence of rules and regulations, at least in the Focauldian governance sense, lie at the heart of the White Paper. Strangely I felt at home with the context and vision looking forward. This was the subject of my PhD all those years ago, and in any event I have long held the belief that as nurse educationalists we need to find ways to better prepare our students for the challenges of the unknown, embracing the ambiguous, and recognising the difficulties involved in becoming and being a person centred practitioner.

I don’t underestimate the difficulties involved in embarking on this journey. In think about these difficulties, I have taken inspiration from that MILK advert. Clearly I cannot mention the company by name, but getting a bunch of rappers to extol what’s involved in milk production, to sell the health message, and to widen the appeal of mild across generations was brilliant. The break dancing tractors were a stroke of genius.

The advert appealed to my creative side, and reinforced my commitment to keep pushing at the boundaries of what we might be able to do as educationalists.

Fall is in the air...

Everyday but today.

This past week has been seasonably cool ( maybe a little too cold) but it has been glorious. I've been able to wear a hoodie or sweater and not be too hot. The leaves are changing color beautifully. Everything is great and pretty.

Except today. It went from a high for past week of mid 70's to today which was 85.

That's Tennessee for you.

Weather changes like a hormonal teenager.

I'm not complaining. It's just how it is.

How's the weather where you are?

We're Back!

Why hello there loyal reader types! Flynn and I are finally back from Tresillian and, i got to admit, i'm feeling pretty good. I thought i might feel a little apprehensive coming home, away from the nurses and the encouraging words of other mums, but i'm feeling confident that we're going to have our whole new routine downpat in no time at all. Granted, Flynn didnt have an afternoon nap this afternoon but, after a 6 hour car trip home, you cant blame him for feeling a little muddled. So what did we learn at this "sleep school "?

* Nothing is miraculously fixed overnight - at Flynns age, it can take up to 6 weeks for a new routine to be learned and settled into comfortably ( not the usual 2 suggested by most literature i've read ).
* Consistency is key. This one i already knew but found hard to stick to, especially when i was trying to get him to sleep when i was home alone.
* Watch the clock. It may feel like they've been screaming " for ages " and that they've been in bed long enough. In reality, its probably only been about 10 minutes.
* Bub should be having, at the very least, a 1 hr nap. If he wakes before that ( say, after 45 minutes ) i need to leave him in his cot ( going back in to check and calm ) for another FULL SLEEP CYCLE. Which is another 45 minutes....sometimes it takes that long for a baby to fall back to sleep.
* Dont stand and pat your baby until he falls asleep - be hands on to calm him down, but once he's calm, leave the room. Patting til he's asleep might help him drift off, but it doesnt teach him to drift off ON HIS OWN.
* No matter how hard they cry and how much it hurts, they will stop sometimes. Eventually. Really, i promise.
* Also, the whole " baby cant self settle " thing is just bad habit, not bad mothering. Phew - so i can stop torturing myself over that one.

Honestly? I think it was a definate help going down there. Yes, they (generally ) use a controlled crying technique but i was ok with that because i'd tried everything else and nothing had worked. Plus, its not a horrible, parental abandonment type of controlled crying - its reading tired signs and listening to the cry and going back in at short intervals to calm bub down and reassure him he's tired and needs to go to sleep. Its the same kind of thing i was trying to do at home, i just needed a bit of guidance. I'm grateful to the nurses for sharing their knowledge with me, for answering my stupid questions, and for calming ME down when i cracked and burst into tears on the first day.

I'm actually looking forward to the challenge of implementing and sticking with the new routine ( which is only slightly tweaked from our old one ) and seeing how long it takes to be entirely successful. With no afternoon nap its only taken Flynn 10 minutes to fall asleep for the night so thats a good start!