International Relations

I've been having relations, with Andy of WildARSChase. NO, not those kinds of relations - international relations. See young Andy decided the best way to make up for a recent cultural faux pas was to do a co-blog ( my first co-blog - excited much!?! ) , in regards to cultural cliches, if you will. So, the following are two sets of lists, one by WildARS, one by my good self. In an attempt to create a better understanding of Americans and Australians, we've compiled lists of common stereotypes that may or may not be true about both countries. We hope it's your favourite (or favorite!) list of all time.First up, the list compiled by WildARS.

( Note: Comments by Andy are in italics, comments by AmyXXOO are in bold. )


AUSTRALIANS:

1. All sound like Steve Irwin - Crikey, this one is a load of crap mate! Which is to say no, we don't all sound like Steve Irwin. God rest his soul, but the man was a walking cliche, at least when it comes to Australian language. To be honest, i think he just spoke like that to play up to you Americans - you eat that stuff up.
That we do. We love pigeonholing people. Just ask Native Americans. We think all of them live in tepees and drink, forgetting that whole part when our ancestors slaughtered their ancestors.... It is sad Irwin died, though. What a good dude.

.2. Are frequently eaten alive by Great White sharks - Leave the sharks alone! Seriously, I think the Great Whites get a bad rap - as far as experts tell it, the frequency of their attacks is, well, pretty infrequent. The best way to NOT get attacked - stay out of their ocean!
Tell that to Rob Schneider. See, I think sharks are the best, even if I am terrified of them. Shark Week on Discovery Channel is a good time, but it constantly shows people getting eaten off the Australian shores. You should write Discovery a stern letter.

3. Know what a dingo is. - Wait, this one is true. We all know what a dingo is, but having seen one in the flesh is a whole other matter. I mean, unless you live in either Northern Queensland or anywhere in the Northern Territory. I thought i saw a dingo once, but it was just a skinny German Shepherd...
Is the Northern section the place to stay away from? Sounds like Hicksville.
It's the place to stay away from if you want to avoid: crocodiles, sharks, dingoes and people missing numerous teeth.

4. Think rugby is better than football - Are we talking American football ( which we call Gridiron ) or soccer ?
Uh, the only good kind, American football. Americans pretend we like soccer, but we're not good at it. We just think we should be good at it. I will say that rugby is the manliest of sports.
Correction - rugby league is the manliest of sports. Rugby and rugby league are two different sports. Ah, so much for you Americans to learn....

5. Have an inordinate amount of actors working in Hollywood, who all immediately drop their accents - We don't have an inordinate amount, it's just that all the actors we send over there are good enough to be working. Yay for us! That whole dropping their accents thing is annoying though - be proud of where you're from, people. Like Hugh Jackman - sure, he'll change his accent for a movie but when he's offscreen, it's Australian twang all the way!
I always forget Nicole Kidman is Australian. You can have Russell Crowe back, however.

AMERICANS:

1. Are fat and lazy - This is proven by the fact that you have " drive thru " everything: drive thru voting, drive thru pharmacies, drive thru banks. Seriously, you are too lazy to line up for anything if it means you'll have to stand up!
Wait, you don't have drive thru banks? You're missing out. Our banks have drive-thru ATMs with Braille on it. You know, in case a blind person is driving and needs cash fast. We will, however, stand in line for hours to see a celebrity. Even a minor one, like John Goodman or Cuba Gooding Jr.

2. Think we are the best at everything - You own Michael Phelps so you can lay claim to being the best at anything he's in, I'll give you that. But you guys think you're entirely awesome at any sport you try your hand at. Plus, when you get beaten and it's been proven that you are, in fact, not the best - well, you are sore, sore losers.
We are terrible losers. When the USA men's basketball team didn't win the gold in the 2004 Olympics, everyone freaked out like, "How is that possible." Some of us in the South are still upset about losing our Civil War.

3. Like to force democracy on unsuspecting nations - You mean like Vietnam ? Or Iraq ? You mean like that ?
Pick a country. I am surprised we aren't forcing something on you of some nature. We do like to force democracy a lot, even when a country doesn't ask for it. As if democracy is the only way to exist. You know what they had in the Bible? Kings. You know what God actually wanted? Nobody in charge but God. But democracy, evidentally, has become the chosen form of government, "in God we trust"-- unless it's in a classroom, and then God's gotta take a backseat. We've got no problem killing people in other countries so they can get their share of democracy, but we definitely will not force kids to listen to silent prayer. Let's not get crazy here.
Woah, i think we hit a nerve there Andy. Democracy, God, the education system - that's a whole other blog post right there.
I feel better now. And slightly un-American. Crap.

4. Think we are trendsetters in music and fashion - The Beatles? British. The Rolling Stones? British. Vivienne Westwood, one of the greatest innovators in modern fashion? British. Versace, Armani, Dolce and Gabbana? Italian. Nope, no Americans on that list at all. I mean, I'm not saying you guys have NOTHING - just, the world does not revolve around you.
It's sad, isn't it? We're so far behind, and yet are so ethnocentric in thinking we are tops in that stuff, even when it was all done in Europe first. We do have the Jonas Brothers, though. And jean jackets.
The Jonas brothers? Uh huh....
We have Britney Spears, too.
I have three letters for you Andy - O.M.G.....

5. Believe we should own the only nuclear weapons - You do, don't you ? Its kind of like a dad chastising his son for having Playboys under his bed: he's going to say " son, those are bad! ", then he's going to confiscate them, but then he's still going to watch porn on his computer.
Excellent point. Instead, dads and sons should watch porn together on the computer. It keeps families together. Also, we should all get rid of nuclear weapons. I don't see the point in having them if no one is allowed to use them. Either let's get this nuclear holocaust ripping and roaring now, or let's get rid of the toys.

So, there you be ladies and gents, the first half of the greatest, most awesom-est, most incredibly ace list of all time. For the second half of the list, do yourself a favour and shoot on over to Andy's page - the second half of the list, the stereotypes i compiled, should be posted in the next day or two.

Seriously, get on over there! If you like funny, intelligent, vibrant writing, Andy is your man!