Trust Yourself - Suprise

( By Ashley Ambirge ) Think of a time when you didn’t think you were capable of doing something, but then surprised yourself. How will you surprise yourself this week?

Image from here

Let me say this - suffering through depression and social anxiety disorder, i constantly suprised myself with things i had  to do in order to get better. Simple everyday things, like striking up a conversation with a stranger or eating lunch by myself in a public place ... things i said ( to my counsellor or psychiatrist ) " I'll never to be able to do that! ".... i did them. So take those small things and multiple them by like a hundred and you get the biggest challenge you could throw at someone with social anxiety disorder : move to the other side of the world and live in a communty where you dont know anyone. Not a single soul.

A monumentally huge challenge in fact. But, even though i doubted myself a bazillion times, i was determined that this was one challenge i was going to make it through. And, in the end, not only was i suprised that i stuck it out but i was also suprised at how easy it seemed to be. Moving to the US to live with and work for a family i had never meant was daunting, but i was amazed at how quickly i felt accepted as one of them. I thought i'd be lucky to make one friend while i was there, but by the end of my year i was the " go to girl " for new au pairs coming in to the community, the one who was asked to take them out for dinner and show them around. I thought i might struggle with suburban/city living ( having come from a rural background ) but i took to NJ and New York City like a duck to water. All those things were once on my " No way Jose! " list but, in the end, the ease with which i accomplished them suprised not only me, but others too.

So what will i do to suprise myself this week? I think it may revolve around some training i have to do for work on Wednesday... i could either:
a) suprise myself by NOT getting cranky at management i'll have to deal with or
b) suprise myself by telling them to take theur job and shove it.
Option a) is definately going to be the better option for me right now, so lets just hope i dont get annoyed enough to run my mouth!

30 Days of Music - Days 22 + 23

Wow - i'm slowly getting to the end of this thing! The pointy end as some people would call it, and the prompts are getting more personal and harder to pick so its proving to be a bit tricky. Anyhoo -
Day 22 - A song that reminds you of a person
Not many songs remind me of one specific person ( lots that remind me of people in a specific place, or people at a specific time though) so i decided to go with this one, which reminds me of my dad:

I dont think many of you will know it as its a country song ( and most of you dont come across as lovers of country music - i could be wrong ) but this song, about how having a job and working hard for your family is more important than being rich, or famous, or " successful ", really evoked my father even from the first time i heard it. My dad has only ever put his family first, always taking every opportunity he could to better provide for us, even when it was costing him personally. To me, thats admirable, even if he doesnt have a uni degree or earn squillions. So he and this song kind of go hand in hand...

Day 23 - A song that reminds you of a place
See, for this one i couldnt think of a song that reminded me only of a place, without having a person in there to give it some context. So lets consider this a song that calls of memories of a person, in a place, which leads you to thinking just of the place and then of other people there. Ok?

This song reminds me of my friend Keitumetse, whom i knew in the US when we were both au pairs there in 2004-2005. Now, its not because Tumi IS a gold digger, but rather because when this song came out she loved it, and everytime we went somewhere in her big van she'd turn it on, turn it up and sing the shit of the Jamie Foxx part. It also kind of makes me a bit sad sometimes too, because after we left the US i never heard from Tumi again. Its like she went back to South Africa and got eaten by a lion, or just fell off the face of the planet or something. Its a shame, 'cause she was a great person, very fun and bubbly and from a culture so different ours that i felt enriched just chatting with her... where are you Tumi?!

I've Been To The Summit - And Things Have Only Gone Up From There...

Another Blog This! challenge - Take us on a journey. Your journey. Something you've achieved, somewhere you've travelled, someone you've become. How has it challenged or changed you?

I've been to the summit, and things have only gone up from there.
Ok, not exactly " the " summit. Not even " a " summit. Just Summit - Summit, NJ. What i mean is that i once lived in a place called Summit, NJ, and since that time my life has only been on the up and up.

I lived in this house:

I looked after these children:

And i had friends like these:

And what did i find during my amazing one year stay ? I found me. Thats right - i had to journey to the otherside of the world, 14 hrs on a non-stop flight, and experience things outside my normal experiences to find who i really was. Really am, i suppose. I'm not going to go into details ( lets face it, there is  hell of a lot of detail invlved over the course of a year ) but suffice to say that by physically travelling - taking a physical journey and having the physical experiences - i really changed and developed on an emotional level.

I lived with a wonderful family with 3 beautiful boys, working as their nanny. I was on a foreign volunteer program, so i made fruends from all over the world - just in that photo up there we have people from the Dominican Republic, France, Colombia and the Czech Republic. I had to live and learn in a new culture, deal with things i hadnt dealt before ( you know, like living on the opposite side of the planet to EVERYONE i knew ... ) and it truely was a " sink or swim " situation.

But you know what ? I gotta say, i think i did ok. I lost the depression and found some confidence; gained a second family and lost some weight; made new friends and destroyed old bad habits. Everything changed for the better because i was brave enough to take a step outside my box and try something new.....