Decisions

I've had to make some big decisions these past two weeks and it's made me realize how much I dislike making big decisions. The little things like deciding what I'm having for lunch, what I'm going to wear, what time I'm going to leave, things like that I can decide just fine and not second guess myself. I never thought I'd be wishy-washy when it came time to make a major decision but as it turns out...

I've been involved and playing keyboards/strings in the adult praise band at church for about seven years. I've played pretty much every Sunday since then, getting to practice at 8 on Sunday mornings, playing two services, staying for practices every Wednesday night. Until late this summer I'd enjoyed or hadn't minded playing but then I just started realizing I'd rather be at DQ with my friends after youth group or I'd really like to be in Sunday school. Then a thought whispered in my head "It's time to give it up." I didn't understand how I could but the thought wouldn't go away.

I'd been thinking this over for a few weeks and decided to talk to my parents about it and they agreed that it was time to step down. With my course schedule for the school year, the music lessons I'll be taking, and the fact that the youth minister has challenged the older girls to step up and mentor the younger girls it was just too much on my plate. Besides I'm going to be an adult for the rest of my life and I'm only going to be in the youth group two more years.

Regardless of the pros I had for stepping down from praise band I still didn't want to do it. I waffled and was all wishy-washy for a long time. I didn't want to step down and then people get all bent out of shape with me and I didn't want to stay in and be miserable every Wednesday night when I'd rather be at DQ. I just didn't want to rock the boat any more than I had to.

As you can see this is not a decision I wanted to make. I loved both options the same, I did not want to choose.

Finally, my dad stepped in and called the music minister and explained my dilemma and said that I needed to step down. In other words my dad saved the day and opened up the subject in a way that didn't sound like me just being a teenager wanting to back out so I could hang out with my friends (even thought that was a part of it). The music minister understood and agreed that my focus should be on the youth. That sealed the deal. I would be stepping down from adult praise band. All I had to do now was choose when.

"Great!" I thought. "Another big decision to make." And another I didn't want to make. I had no clue whether to do two weeks notice or wait until the end of the month, or something along those lines. I asked my parents and they told me I had to talk to Joseph (the music minister). I really didn't wan to do that, but I did and this is somewhat what it was like.

Me: "Hey, my dad talked to you about me stepping down from praise band and I..."

Him: "Yes he did and I totally understand and agree. You do need to just be a youth. The question is when and how you'd like to do that. It's your decision."

Me: "We"ll I don't know... I was thinking maybe two weeks notice or..."

Him: (this is what got me) "Don't be wishy-washy. Decide. And go with that decision. Do you just want to go cold turkey?"

Me: (still reeling form the wishy-washy thing) "Yeah I think that'd be best."

Him: "Alright then."

We talked a little more than that of course but that was the gist of it. I went into practice and explained to a couple of people and left. I was in shock. No doubt about it. It was such a weird feeling. I've never felt so much grief over a decision. I doubted every step I took away from church that night. But I can tell you that peace did come. Through prayer a several people telling me that I made the right decision. I even had a friend of mine tell me that he had thought the same thing (that I just need to be a youth) for a while but just didn't tell me.

God has been my rock through this. I know it was him whispering that idea to me and him not letting me push it aside. I can already see him working through this. I'm already getting a heart for the seventh grade girls in my youth group and I've never felt the need to reach out to a class like this before. God is just that good and so much more. He's never going to be wish-washy. He's got a plan for all this. And he's going make it happen whether you go willingly or not so willingly. I don't mean that in a bad way either. God's way is always best but it's not always easy.

This verse really helped me through these past weeks and it's such a good promise to cling to.

It's Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and Courageous.

Do not panic before them.

For the Lord your God will personally go before you.

He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Picture: That's my youth group, what I get to be a full part of now. :)

Well I hope you enjoyed this and that maybe it will help you.

Later.