Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Old and New


It’s been more than twenty years since I sold it, but I miss the old house. It’s only a mile down the hill in the village and it must be something like how it feels to have an ex-wife in town. It was drafty-cold in winter, but when I felt chilled I could warm up by backing up to the wood stove. My new house is warm and tight. There are no drafts and the temperature is even, but I still miss the old place.

That old house drove me crazy sometimes, but most of my memories are good. It will always be part of me because for nine years I crawled all over it inside and out, fixing this and painting that, re-building something else. Nothing was square and all the carpentry took longer, but it was strong, built with posts and beams and tree-nails. The foundation was split granite and hadn’t moved for over a century. There was brick-lined, well just inside the building and water flowed through the partial cellar during spring, coming in from the uphill side and draining out the downhill side. In a dry summer, the well would get low, but we always had enough water if we were careful, even with four kids and two adults. I liked that the house was older than me, more than a hundred years older. When the wind blew hard on winter night, I’d feel uneasy, but then I’d realize that the house had weathered many such storms for more than a century before I was born. There was a certain security in that.

I like my new house too, but it took a long time before I’d done enough to it with my own hands to make it really mine. I bought the land, cleared the trees, and chose a plan with my wife, but I hired carpenters to do most of the actual building. It’s twenty years old now and I’m fifty-seven - much older than the house. The wind blows more strongly here on the windward of Christian Hill. There’s nothing between me and Mount Washington to block it, and on Christmas Eve it was howling worse than I ever remember it. The old house was on the leeward side of the same hill, and I was questioning my judgement about deciding to build here. If anything happened, I’d have no one to blame but myself.

Speaking of the blame game, many in my generation of baby boomers have blamed our problems on the WWII generation for a long time, suggesting they could do a much better job of it. Well, that “greatest generation” is nearly all gone now. The old folks don’t stay around like old houses. They die and we bury them and we become the elders. Most of our current world and national problems are created by guess who? Baby boomers, because we’ve been essentially running things for a couple of decades. Though we still do, we can’t legitimately blame our parents anymore, and soon we won’t be able to ask them for advice either. We’ll have to become fonts of wisdom for those generations following us whether we’re able to or not. I hope they’re more gracious to us than we were to our parents.

Like my new house, our new president-elect is younger than I am. The last two have been only slightly older but I don’t think either one was smarter or wiser - quite the contrary. Obama is on the back end of the baby boomer generation and I’m nearer the front. I’m a whole decade older than he is. Pondering this reminds me of how I felt when I talked to a much younger resident surgeon who was about to do an emergency procedure on me. I had to consent because I couldn’t wait for my own doctor. Now Obama is about to perform emergency surgery on our whole country. He has a Democrat-controlled Congress to pass what he wants and I’m going to have to sit back and watch.

When I go food-shopping, I notice more aisles selling “organic” things, whatever that means. I push my cart past them. If shopping carts had bumper stickers, I would see “Obama/Biden” and “Earth is our Mother” and “Live Simply” down those aisles anyway. Let them pay the inflated prices. In the checkout line recently, a cashier looking for the price of some produce I was buying asked me if it was organic. “I hope not,” I said. “At my age, I need all the preservatives I can get.” I never buy organic produce. It costs more, usually looks wrinkled and misshapen, and doesn’t taste any better. The only way produce tastes better is when it’s fresher, and organic doesn’t mean fresh.

All these are indicators to add to my “You know you’re getting older when . . .” list, which will only get longer until I’m dead - nature’s way of telling us to slow down.

Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Two Down, One To Go...

Holy guacamole..... another Christmas over. I have to admit that Christmas this year was a little strange at my house, what with us expecting a new baby to the family and all. With my brother and his wife expecting their second child on Christmas Eve, we couldnt really make any concrete plans for Christmas Day, just in case she happened to be in hospital. For the record, my impending neice/nephew did NOT arrive for Christmas and still hasnt arrived. I'm thinking he/she must be pretty stubborn ( like their father... ) because they've kept us waiting a week overdue now. My sister-in-law has now said it doesnt matter when the baby comes out, he/she will be grounded until they are 16 because so far they have refused to do as they've been told - that is, being born a week early. Kids these days, they just have no respect....

So, anyhoo, aside from the expected baby not exactly playing by the rules, my holiday break happened to be pretty good. I got a gorgeous little Guess watch, a new yoga mat and a great dessert cookbook ( amongst other things ) and, in part due to the fact my 18 year old sister still insists on opening presents at 6-freaking-am, i managed to fit in an awesome nap during the afternoon. The Christmas afternoon nap is a great Christmas tradition - it pretty much goes that you eat yourself to near-explosion at lunch and then settle in for a well earned sleep naround 3pm. Of course, this probably only works when there are no small children to be looked after, so i'm making the most of my Christmas naps while i can.

Boxing Day was pretty good this year too. For those not in the know, Boxing Day is the day after Christmas, and is a designated public holiday here in Australia. Its also the day where the Christmas stress is done with and you can now actually relax, lie around, watch the start of the annual Boxing Day cricket Test, and have bbq's with your friends as opposed to celebrating with your family. Which is exactly what i did. I was invited, via Facebook page, to a cocktail party/BBQ by a friend of mine from high school. She and her three brothers all live in other cities now, and seeing as they would all be home for Christmas they decided they should host a party at their parents place. Freaking great idea! I hadnt seen this girl for years, so it was great to be able to sit and chat with her again. A handful of my other old schoolmates turned up, so it was like a mini drunken shcool reunion of sorts. I was pretty merry when i arrived home - I had forgotten my keys so I had to knock on my parents bedroom so they could let me in. I think i remember crawling into bed next to my mum and raving on like a madwoman for a few minutes before my father very gently reminded me that this wasnt my bed - and promptly kicked me out. No hangover in the morning though so yay for me!

And that be about it really. Its New Years Eve tomorrow and i intend on hitting one of the local pubs with my friend Ree and my cousin B - which could turn out quite the adventure. Both Ree and B are known for their spontaneity so we may start at our local but.... we could end up in Sydney. Who freaking knows ?

Friday, December 26, 2008

Hudson Luke




In a few hours time, in the capital of Russia which is Moscow their will be a officially newly formed family if three. Lindsey, Jason, and Hudson Carney will be officially a threesome! If you've read before this is my horse back riding instructor who is adopting and they get their son forever tomorrow/today in Moscow. All I can say is PRAISE GOD FOR THIS. This is all him. I can hardly believe that their day is finally here. It has been a long road worth traveling for them and I'm so glad that it is almost over. Hudson is the cutest! And he's very happy which is good because his parents are too.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Jingle Bell Time, What A Swell Time....

.... to do a Christmas survey! Thats right, I've decided Christmas Eve would be the perfect time to present my personal Christmas beliefs and traditions. I'm not going to make it a meme, but if you so desire, feel free to do your own list ( on your own blog, not mine. Hijacking my blog would just be rude ).


1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? I'm a warpping paper kind of girl. Unless its something odd shaped like, like a botle of wine or a childs toy, I'm totally into wrapping. And doing it neatly - there's nothing worse than recieving a gift that looks like its been mangled by a three year old that couldnt get the sticky tape undone.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial. I know some of you people i going to be aghast at that, but there arent too many people around here ( my part of Australia i mean ) that have a real pine tree. First off, they arent as abundant here as other parts of the world, and secondly.... its really freaking hot here at Christmas, so the poor trees tend to wither up and die quiet quickly. I appreciate the Emo aesthetic, but i dont want a dead Christmas tree.
3. When do you put up the tree? On, or around, the 1st of December. We all know that its just plain bad luck to put it up anytime sooner, and if you leave it too late you may aswell not even bother.

4. When do you take the tree down? This one isnt as definate. I try and do it sometime around New Years Day, but usually I end up going " Nah, it can wait til tomorrow " and by then we're half way through January, its almost my birthday, and my decorations just look sad and misplaced.
5. Angel on the tree top or star ? I'm a star person. Angels are cute and all, rather lovely in their way, but stars are way more glittery and glam. Plus, I dont like to think of mythological creatures having harsh pine trees stuck up their bottoms - its just not dignified really, is it ?
6. When do you start shopping for Christmas ? Inspiration usually hits me around mid-November. I'm not averse to buying something earlier, if I see something that I know a particular person would love. I'm usually all done by early December. I dont understand these people who leave their Christmas shopping til the last minute. I mean I love shopping, and i actually like the feeling of being part of a crowd - what i'm not so fond of is stalking people to their cars in the hopes of getting a carspot, of finding that perfect item i was after is all sold out, or waiting in line for what seems like hours to get to the cashier.
7. Open the presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning ? Christmas morning. I dont know anyone in real life who opens them Christmas Eve. I'd always seen that on American movies and wondered if it were an American thing - but then i spent a Christmas with my US host family and we opened presents Christmas morning too. Correct me if i'm wrong but - no-one actualy opens their Christmas Eve, do they ?
8. Favourite gift received as a child? Its a toss up. One year i got two Cabbage Patch Dolls ( it has to have been '88 or '89 ), one named Agatha and one named Muriel. I loved those dolls. I wasnt too keen on those names but you cant just change a name on an official adoption certificate can you ? The other choice would be the year i reached into my Santa bag and pulled out some clothes for a Ken doll - not that i had a Ken doll- and then the next thing i know, i reach in.... i pulled out a Ken doll! Woo hoo - Barbie and Ken together at last!
9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received ? My grandmother gave me some stuff for my glory box one year. I appreciate that she was trying to stock me up for when i moved out ( although, in her mind, it was for when i get married.... ) but it was some horrible, ugly, second hand floral bed sheets and a tea towel with this ugly applique thing on it. Just for the record - i know they're clean, but i dont DO second hand sheets.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I'd usually say both but this year i have been really slack and not gotten around to writing out Christmas cards. I sent one off to my host family in the US, but everybody else is getting either an email or a hearty " Merry Christmas !!! " from me in person.
12. Favourite Christmas Movie? I can't narrow it down to just one. I'd like to nominate " Santa Clause " with Dudley Moore, " A Muppet Christmas Carol " with , well, The Muppets and " Bad Santa " with Billy Bob Thornton as my top 3. " Santa Clause " was my favourite when i was little - those candy canes that made kids float were so cool! - , i think i've watched " A Muppet Christmas Carol " every year for at least 6 years and I only discovered " Bad Santa " last year, but its freaking hilarious!
13. Favourite Christmas song ? I'm going to admit it - I'm not a big fan of Christmas carols. I'm quite partial to " Jingle Bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! " but aside from that, I couldnt name one Christmas song i truly love. If pressed, i'd probably go with " Rock Around The Christmas Tree " which i remember being on the Partridge Family Christmas Album that my mum had when we were little.
14. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Prawns! Cheesecake! The christmas icecream that i make with almonds, cherries, cranberries, coconut and brandy! Ok, lets just say food - Christmas makes everything taste better.
15. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Its a tie between Christmas merchandise being in stores in September and annoying ads for Christmas food clubs. Seriously, Christmas is best without the over kill.

Monday, December 22, 2008

I celebrate the Day

This is a song by Relient K from their Christmas CD. I think it really captures what this Day is really all about. Jesus being Born.

And with this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey

If only I could find the words to say to let you know how much you’ve touched my Life

Because here is where you’re finding me in the exact same place as New Years Eve

And from the lack of my persistency we’re less than half as close as I want to be


And the first time that you opened your eyes

Did you realize that you would be my Savior?

And the first breath that left Your lips

Did you know that it would change this world forever?



And so this Christmas I’ll compare the things I’ve felt in prior years

To what this midnight made so clear

That You have come to meet me here


To look back and think that this baby would one day save me

And hope that that you give that you were born so I might really live

To look back and think that this baby would one day save me


And I I celebrate the day that you were born to die

So I could one day Pray for You to save my life

Pray for You to save my life

Pray for You to save my life

An " Its Almost Christmas ! " Weekend By The Numbers


500 - amount in dollars that I got as a Christmas bonus from my company. They may suck most other times of the year, but boy do they give good bonus...

10 - number of people who attended our work Christmas bbq. This included two children. Yes, i work in a small office.


55 - time it takes in minutes for my famous Apricot with Macadamia Crust cheesecake to bake. I made one for the bbq. Mmm....cheesecake.


1 - number of bottles of champagne i managed to drank on my own at said bbq. Cheap champagne too. Its the best kind.


87 - amount in dollars that I spent on presents. For myself. Using some of that Christmas bonus money. Who can resist pre-Christmas sales on open toe wedges ?


4 - approximate number of hours spent watching the Country Music Channel over the course of the weekend. I enjoy country music, its what i was brought with up. Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, Reba McEntire ( the unrivalled queen ... ) - all of that type of stuff.


6 - approximate number of websites i trawled whilst researching what type of dog i want to get you know when i finally move into my duplex. I'm thinking i want a whippet.


Whippet - Whip it good!

1 - number of books I finished reading. It only took me a week to get through " Pride and Prejudice " ( by Jane Austen, but you knew that ). Loved the Keira Knightley movie, and thought it was about time i got around to reading the classic. I thoroughly recommend it. Plus, I totally want to be Elizabeth Bennet - she rocks.

35 - approximate number of minutes dancing in our living room with my 3 year old neice. And I am not ashamed to admit, it was exhausting. If we were at the pub, I would have had to have had at least one drinks break in that time. Me neice is some kind of crazy dancing fool!


10 - approximate number of minutes my neice spent screaming and crying after she got smashed in the knee by a bike pedal ( long story ). Apparently it was my fault.


Ooh, and lucky last....


3 - number of sleeps til Christmas. Bring on the Fat Red Man i say!



Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Venting




Several things have been bothering me lately, and what good is it to be a columnist if I can’t spout off about them in this space? I’ve been yelling at the television and that’s a sign I need to vent. I’ll start with cliches.

If I use an annoying cliche, someone please - please berate me publicly for it. And if I should ever repeat it, I pledge here and now to make a $100 donation to your favorite charity, even if it happens to be the OJ Simpson or Hot Rod Blagojevich Defense Fund. I’m that serious. Meanwhile, I’m begging people in the media to stop saying “thrown under the bus.” I’ve had enough of that phrase. I’m ready to highjack a bus and drive it into the NBC Headquarters in New York City if I hear it again.

While we’re at it, I’m already sick of “take a haircut,” aren’t you? I heard it for the first time only about a month ago, but it’s gotten to me already. I know we’re in tough economic times and we all have to cut back. I promise to do my share, but please don’t phrase it that way anymore, okay? Let’s resurrect “tighten our belts” for a while, and when that wears out, I’ll come up with something else. There must be a thesaurus for worn-out phrases out there somewhere. I’m volunteering to buy one and list alternative ways of trying to sound hip.

Thank goodness “think outside the box” has gone out of fashion. Though I’ve been attending just as many meetings as I’ve always had to, I haven’t heard that for months now and I’m very thankful. People in sports use cliches the most, but I can forgive them. They don’t claim to be smart. They’re not expected to be gifted at expressing themselves, only doing things. Though most of them don’t seem too bright, politicians pretend to be intelligent. So when they use cliches, it’s much more annoying because they think they sound so snappy when they just sound dumb, especially if it’s Nancy Pelosi.

Speaking of Rod Blagojevich and haircuts, what is it about sleazy Serbs and their hair? It’s pretty clear that whatever time Blagojevich has when he’s not selling Senate seats, shaking down children’s hospitals, or trying to get editorial writers fired, he’s working on his hair. It’s so important to him that the Chicago Sun Times suspected Blago suffered from “Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” He must have stayed up late watching Ted Koppel a lot when he was a kid and made him a role model. Then there’s Radovan Karadzic. Remember him? The guy accused of murdering 7500 Bosnians about twelve years ago just because they weren’t Serbs? It looked to me that, aside from killing people, the thing he cared most about in the world was his hair. In addition to being a mass murderer, he was also a psychiatrist who could have diagnosed himself with Blago’s disorder mentioned above. I don’t know if he has access to hairspray and mirrors while he’s on trial in The Hague for war crimes, but if he hasn’t, that might the punishment that hurts him most. Better put him on suicide watch.

And speaking of liberal politicians from the upper midwest, there’s Comb-over Carl Levin, Democrat Senator from Michigan. I shouldn’t have to spell this out, but look Carl: a lot of guys go bald on top and it’s doesn’t make you a bad person. Invariably, it looks dumb when you grow that side hair long and comb it over your bald dome and then plaster it down somehow. It doesn’t fool anybody and proclaims to the world that “I’m bald and I can’t deal with it!” If it gets too cold up there in Michigan, ask Joe Biden where he got his hair plugs installed or wear a hat.

There now. I feel better already.

You Can't Seriously Be Serious ? O.M.G....

So the funniest/weirdest thing ever happened today. I have a client who comes in every few months and gets me to tighten up his spectacle frames, realign them, replaces the screws .... all the type of stuff you cant do without your own glasses on. He's a nice bloke, always has a little joke and says please and thankyou - all in all, he;s one of my good customers. So he comes in today and i do the usual thing but when i went down the front to give him his glasses back, he takes me aside and asks me what time i'm having lunch. Say what now ? He says he has something sensitive he would like to ask me about, and he doesnt want the other women in the office too overhear. Alright, i told him what time my lunch usually is, and he says he'll come back.

My colleague and i had two immediate thoughts - either he's going to ask me out or he wants to kidnap me and chop me up into little pieces. I'm not sure which i would prefer - he might be nice but he's old so i'm not keen on going out with him ( i was preparing my best Elizabeth Bennett refusal speech ), but if he kidnaps me at least i get some time off work. So my lunch time rolls around and my curiousity is almost killing me ( although J is still convinced that i'm going to be kidnapped and tells me to keep my mobile phone handy ). I meet my client out the front and he starts to get all nervous and bumbly. " Umm, i know this must seems strange, i'm not really sure how to say this.... " Inside, I'm going - Oh. Crap.

And then - do you remember Average Joe ? Turns out that my client is a good friend of Joe, considers himself like a surrogate dad type of figure, and, well, umm, just that young Joe must have been talking about me and was apparently more than a little disappointed when we didnt go out for a second time. You're joking right ? Inside i couldnt help but smile and how sweet my client was trying to be. He told me he wasnt trying to interfere, that i didnt need to go into details or anything, just that the poor guy was wondering what he did wrong. " You know, if there were no sparks, then were no sparks! If he said something wrong and you think he's a dickhead, then tell him he's a dickhead! Just tell him why - the poor young bloke is wondering what he did to upset you and is a bit disappointed, because he liked you and wanted to see you again ". Well bless this mans little socks for telling me so - like he said, he was just looking out for his friend, he and he always thought i was a " good bird ", so maybe i could contact Joe and let him know what happened ? So i smiled, and told him that i would send Joe an email, which i fully intend to do. I always did, i just couldnt think of how to word it, but now i feel extra bad because it seems like Joe must have really taken a shine to me.

After work, my sister and I went to get some take out, and i'm relating this whole odd little story back to her. She looked at me and laughed and said, " You know, i was going to try and set you up once.... " Say what now ? Oh yea - my bright spark of sister thought it would be a great idea to set me up with Banky McHands. Not that she even knows Banky McHands. No, her plan was to just track him down at the bank where he worked and describe me to him, and then just plain old tell him i thought he was hot. I can say with, like, 95% certainty, that had she done that i would have been forced to punch her in the forehead. How embarrassing would that have been ? I wouldnt have known anything about it, until the next time i went to the bank and he gave me this odd look, like i had leprosy or something, and gently explained that i was far too old for him. Seriously, if my sister had done that i think i would have been mortified to death.

But thats not all. On my sisters 18th birthday, she went out to dinner with her friends and, because her boyfriend wasnt in town, her boyfriends best friend went to keep her company. Aww, what a sweetheart you say ? Well, yea. YoungBoysBest Friend ( or YBBF as he shall now be known ) had come up to our duplex when my sister and i were flatmates, and after i had cooked everyone dinner, YBBF took my empty plate to the sink and volunteered to take the garbage out. Aww, what a sweet young man. Sure. So when on my sisters birthday my best friend P and I finally caught up with her, and my sister mentioned that YBBF had come to be her " date ", we all went - Aww, what a sweetie. When sister got up to get a drink, P goes " You should totally put YBBF on lay-by ! ". Thats lay-away for you American people. And why would i have to do that, do you ask ? Because YBBF is only 16 years old! And i mean he's only just turned 16, so that makes him almost 9 full years younger than me. And not only did P suggest this, but when i was telling my sister this story tonight she tells me that she and her boyfriend had already discussed this. Oh.My.God. My best friend, my 18 year old sister and her 15 year old boyfriend have all decided that I would be great with a 16 year old boy - who apparently, would "totally like to tackle " me. Which is 15 year old boyfriend speak for " The 16 year old guy wants to do your sister ". Oh. My. God.

A 16 year old boy ( who is quite sweet, and you know he's going to totally good looking and attractive when IS eventually legal ) wants to tackle me. That is just wrong. Flattering, but wrong. Right ? I just cant believe that all these people are so concerned about my almost-non-existent lovelife....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Sweet Baby Jesus, Save Me

Yes, i know i'm not religious and I dont actually really believe in God, but in the spirit of Baby Jesus's birthday I am praying that he can save me from the horrid Christmas cd my boss has insisted on playing the last two days. Let me just give you this:
CHRISTMAS + FAKE ELVIS = MUSIC TO KILL YOURSELF BY

Seriously. See, one of our clients is an Elvis impersonator and he's made some crappy cds of himself singing various Christmas carols. Being the dutiful client-pleasing lady that she is, my fellow manager has decided that we should at least try listening to it. Because my desk is closest to the cd player, I have the supreme pleasure of hearing it all day long, even if i dont want to. I mean, I like Elvis and I like Christmas, but Fake Elvis sucks chocolate, salty , Christmas balls ( a cd of Chef from South Park singing Christmas carols would be way cooler! ). He's one of these Elvis imitators that thinks sounding like the King means you have to slur all your words to the point of incomprehensibility. Plus, he's chosen all the boring, slow paced Christmas songs, so the entire CD sounds like one monotonous drone.

Sweet Baby Jesus - please deliver me from this evil. By some miracle, please return the Partridge Family Christmas Album that my mother played when i was a child ( at least those kids were boppy ). I beg of you to please find some divine way of sending me a Harry Connick Jnr album full of smooth, jazzy Christmas cheer. I will even take one of those generic " hey, all the cool popstars love Christmas !! " albums, featuring Mariah Carey, Christina Aguilera and Ricky Martin ( who really oughta be singing " Feliz Navidad " ). Anything would be better than Fake Elvis.

Amen.

P.S I also pray that this mock prayer does not offend any of your loyal followers. If they were me, they'd be praying to be rid of Fake Elvis too.

Amen again.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Slap Jack with Micah and Tessa

This is what became of me teaching Tessa how to play Slap Jack last Sunday

Friday Nights Alright for Flirting

So my friend Ree invited me up to her place for cocktails last night. Sweet, something to do on a Friday night so I was glad to be invited. Now, my friend Ree is kind of a reformed wild girl - she's a few years older than me, she has three sons and after her husband passed away she went of the rails a little. But she's one of these people who have an infectious enthusiasm for life, so its great to see she's seetled back down somewhat, but has still maintained her " you're only as young as you feel " views. I'm kind of proud of her for that actually - Lord knows it cant be easy trying to raise three children on your own after losing your husband, whilst still keeping a part of your life for yourself. My point is, whenever Ree gets the chance to have some fun, she does the fun up right. So what if some of the people who said they were coming didnt turn up ? Those of us who were there had us some pink champagne cocktails and a big, girly chatfest ( you know, clothes, shoes, sex.... all the good stuff ). After a few hours of drinking at her house, we decided going out to the pub would be a good idea, it being a Friday night after all. Ace!

She had told me earlier that the very casual dress code for the cocktails was " classy " so i chose to wear my darkest pair of trouser-cut jeans, a crisp cotton cami, tan open-toe stacked heels and a cute necklace. I didnt scrub up too badly for a girl who didnt have a lot of time to plan her outfit, and i was glad i was able to pull that outfit together because I would have felt a little out of place at the pub if i had just worn jeans and a t-shirt. The point of all this talk of my appearance is - I was not expecting in the least to pick up. Thats right folks, i said " pick up ". Who knew that a woman dressed like a lady could get a guys attention ahead of girls dressed as skanks ?

I dont mean that to sound crude, but i like to have a little decorum, a little class in the way i dress and speak and present myself ( on most occasions ), so it came as a suprise to find myself getting a little special attention on the dancefloor, ahead of the girls wearing mini skirts and tops that they could potentially fall out of. He was cute - not much taller than me ( but hey, short guys need loving too ), had the build of a football player and some sexy stubble going on. The fact that he was dancing up against me with his hand on my hip was enough - this girl was sold. I'm ashamed to say, but i didnt actually catch his name - he did tell me but its that noisy on the dancefloor that i couldnt quite make it out. Brendan? Nathan ? Benjamin ? Something like that..... This did not, however, stop me from spending some good, quality time with my lips glued to his, and getting a slight case of pash rash. Yes, sometimes, I am THAT girl, the one who is bumping into you and your friends because she's too busy kissing random cute dudes. Oh, and while i'm busy feeding you all ( ok, most of ... ) the juicy details, as best as i can figure out Mystery Stubble Guy is probably 20 years old at the most. Yes, that now makes me a cougar.

Don't judge me! I gave MSG my number, I had a freaking great night, and isnt every girl allowed her " i was a little tipsy, plus it WAS really noisy " indescretions?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

There goes the neighbourhood....

So you know how I said the horizon had been defeated ? Well, it had been. But, as with the real world, their has been the dawning of a new day - and its sunny and warm people, sunny and warm! For all of you who are lost ( which is, i think, probably all of you... ) let me explain. I put on offer on some property - different property to that which was previously mentioned ..... and it was accepted! Once the solicitors have drawn up the papers and everything has been signed, I will officially own real estate! I never thought i'd be this excited about something like this, but I have to admit it does feel awesomely cool ( and incredibly grown up ). So once everything is official, I will be the proud owner of a modern, two bedroom duplex. Two bedrooms with built in wardrobes, a bathroom with bath, shower and toilet, kitchen, laundry, living and dining rooms and a single garage. I have a few plans for it already - I'd like to render the interior brick wall and paint it over, and knock out one of the kitchen walls to make the living area much more open plan. Oooh, and do some painting. And, because it has a fairly decent sized backyard, I can finally get a dog! The only thing is that the current owners would like to keep living in it until April - theyre building a new home which wont be ready til then. So, rather than turf them out in the street, we've decided that i will buy the property and lease it back to them until theyre new home is ready. So even though i wont be moving in til the end of April - isnt this all exciting ?

So, until April i plan on saving a little extra money, watching a lot of the Lifestyle channel ( Thom Felecia is going to be my new best friend ), reading a lot of interior design magazines and trolling Ebay for cute, funky furniture to replace my boring stuff. If anyone has any cool decorating tips or ideas they wanna share, leave a message after the beep*.......

* BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Eternal Light



Long hours of darkness here in the northern latitudes focus my attention on light. I like to wake before dawn to starlight, then watch emanations from a still-distant sun displace dark slowly and quietly. First I see branches against a faint sky. Later, direct sun illuminates mountains in the west. Lastly, the sun itself rises over the hill behind me. All of it charms me as I begin the day. I end it watching again as the sun drops behind those western mountains. During its low arc across the winter sky, I’m usually somewhere else - at school or checking things around town. Sometimes I’m home to watch, but it seldom gets very high above the bare hardwoods and sparse evergreens. Much of winter’s sun is like that - filtered through branches or reflecting off something. Seen directly, it’s bright enough to hurt your eye, but not warm enough to heat your body unless you feel it through a window.

We’re used to this up north. We move around when we’re outdoors to stay warm. Indoors we hover around our own light and heat sources. Inside or out, I’m acutely aware of light lately and it’s is related to the beauty visible around me. Since I’ve been traveling the same paths for decades, it means something in me is changing what I see. I’m as busy as ever, but my mind is less cluttered. Eyesight weakens with age but I see more, paradoxically, especially when it’s lit by light from sun or moon.

Traveling in Ireland last summer, I was struck by how the ancients built monuments to the sun’s rhythms all over the island. In August, the sun didn’t set until 9:30, but at this time of year they get little more than seven hours of daylight. Just north of Dublin is a fascinating, five-thousand-year-old structure seemingly dedicated to the winter solstice - that day of the year when sunlight is weakest. Called Newgrange, it’s only one of the several so-called “passage tombs” in the vicinity of the Boyne River valley. Cremated human remains were placed inside the huge mound under a corbelled chamber made of enormous stones decorated with spirals, circles and angular etchings, the meaning of which is unknown. We know little about the people who built them except they pre-date the Celts by 2500 years.

Not much is known about the passage tombs either because they’ve only been studied during the past forty years or so, but I have an idea those ancient ones associated death with absence of light. They put cremated remains in a carved granite bowl in the chamber deep inside the mound. The only access is through a very narrow passageway flanked by huge stones. I had to turn sideways at some points because my shoulders were too wide. It’s pitch-black in the chamber, but at sunrise on the day of the winter solstice, light shines through the narrow, sixty-foot-long passage and into that chamber illuminating the ornate carvings and the human remains for seventeen minutes. It’s as if they believed that first light on the darkest day of the year might spark a resurrection.

The huge stones of the uprights and lintels making up the passageway, of the corbelled chamber, and the 97 kerbstones holding up the mound were hauled from a hundred of miles away. Local stone was available, so why did they go to all that trouble? The far-away stone doesn’t seem especially pretty or have any other obvious advantage. It’s a mystery. It’s estimated that it would have taken over three hundred workers more than twenty years to build it. They display a remarkable knowledge of astronomy, though the site predates both Stonehenge by a thousand years, and the Egyptian pyramids by five hundred years. Other upright stones and mounds are scattered about as they are all over Ireland as well as Britain, Scotland, France and Denmark.

St. Patrick is famous for using the three leaves of the shamrock to explain Christianity’s Holy Trinity. Maybe he knew of the ancient Irish triple spiral motif as well. Sun worship continued up to St. Patrick’s time and he was wise enough to incorporate it into Christianity. That’s why the Celtic cross has the sun’s image circling the point where the vertical and horizontal meet. Apparently St. Patrick emphasized connections between light and Christ. He was born under a star in Bethlehem. “I am the Way, the Truth and the Light,” He said. And, He rose from a stone tomb at first light Easter morning. Celtic crosses predominate in Irish cemeteries, including the ones with remains of my ancestors. Perhaps awareness of light is inherited.

Fourth Estate Failure


Stinking corruption in Chicago has been obvious for years, and President-elect Obama has been nothing but a go-along, get-along guy all during his twenty years there. It’s not a secret. I’m absolutely ripped that our mainstream media didn’t do their jobs and ignored it all during Obama’s two-year campaign - when it was out there for all to see. As an Illinois state senator, Obama was a top advisor to Governor Blagojevich in his first gubernatorial campaign along with Obama’s recently-appointed chief of staff, Congressman Rahm Emmanuel. They’ll claim this extremely corrupt governor is not the Rod Blagojevich they knew, even though he’s been under federal investigation for seven years. Obama said he didn’t know the Reverend Wright had been making those outrageous sermons for twenty years either, even he also said he was there in the pew every Sunday. He didn’t know Blagojevich’s bag man, Tony Rezco, was a crook when they did a shady real estate deal together. He said yesterday that he never spoke to Blagojevich about his Senate replacement, but his campaign manager, David Axelrod said he did. Give me a break.

Now, at a critical point in our nation’s history, our president-elect is tarnished - at the very least - by this scandal. We have him because the media delivered him to us. We’re at war and changing horses in mid-stream. Our economy is on the verge of collapse. We need a strong leader more than ever, but we have to do the vetting that should have been done before the election. I’m squeezing my jaw so hard I’m going to crack a tooth.

In Thomas Carlyle's 1841 book On Heroes And Hero Worship, he wrote: “[British politician Edmund] Burke said there were Three Estates in Parliament; but, in the Reporters’ Gallery yonder, there sat a Fourth Estate more important far than them all.”

Our Fourth Estate has failed us, big time.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Accordion Primer

*A Primer For Accordion Beginners*

Get an accordion. The cheaper the better because they all sound the same.

Do not tell anyone what you have done. It will only cause them to worry.
They will find out soon enough.

Take the accordion out of the case and strap it on. It is better if the accordion rests on your chest instead of your back but, for the first few weeks, it doesn't really make that much difference.

For sounds to be produced, three things must happen. The third is the most important:
1. The bellows must be moving in or out.
2. One or more of the keys or buttons must be pressed.
3. All potential weapons within a one mile radius must be collected and secured.

The buttons on the left side are chord buttons. The "C" button has a dimple so you can find it without looking. This is a safety feature. Before it was invented, thousands of accordion players suffered painful and sometimes disabling injuries, much to the delight of the general public.

Never use more than three buttons. "Professional" accordionists appear to be using lots of buttons but they are actually just desperately trying to find the stupid "C".

By the way, "Professional" means they have learned to smile while they do it.

Play the black and white keys. The high notes are at the bottom and the low notes are at the top. That arrangement isn't supposed to make any sense. Accept it.

Note: If you find the high notes at the top and the low notes at the bottom, you have either put the accordion on upside down or you have tried to repair it yourself. If the former, turn the accordion over. If the latter, pack your accordion up with hundreds of dollars and mail it far away for a long, long time.

Continue playing until someone begs you to stop or threatens your life, whichever comes first.

Put the accordion back in its case, order an accordion t-shirt and wear it to your state's Accordion Fest.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

I am the Blackbird - koo koo ka-chu!

Okay, before you all think I've gone completely mental and mixed up my Beatles lyrics, let me explain. Firstly, yes, i know that I am the Eggman, you are the Eggmen and I am the Walrus, koo koo ka-chu. This is not the point. What is the point is I was listening to the soundtrack to " Across the Universe " while i drove a little ways out of town to visit a friend and I'm singing along to " Blackbird " and do you know what i realised ? That song is about me - I am the blackbird ( koo koo ka-chu! koo koo ka-chu! Sorry, couldnt help it... ). You know what I mean, like when you're listening to a song and then all of a sudden the lyrics just become so overwhelmingly profound, like John and Paul forsaw the future and are actually trying to send me a personal message ? Witness :

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Don't you see ? Blackbird taking broken wings and learning to fly = me breaking free of depression and crap and moving on with my life. Its genius! Ah, The Beatles save the day again....

Not the day really needed to be saved - i was having a great day as it was. I finally saw " Australia " and let me tell you - fantabulous. Sure, I might be just a tad biased - because i live here and i'm almost completely in love with Hugh Jackman and Baz Luhrman is my second favourite director - but it really was great movie. It was epic on the scale of, say, " Giant " or " Gone With The Wind " but i dont think its on the same " classic " level. I can see what Baz was aiming for but he misses by this much. ( Which is to say , like, this <...> much ). The cinematography was superb, as expected - the shots of the Australian landscape are gorgeous, the use of colour is strikingly simple, and the costumes are perfect ( god, how Hugh Jackman looks so delicious IN clothes... ). Mr Jackman does a good job and brings this beautiful raw charisma to the Drover, but Nicole Kidman is a slight let down. I do not care how much she tries to deny it, the womans face is pumped full of plastic. She smiles, there are no smile lines; she frowns, her brow does not furrow. The real suprise packet though is the child who plays Nullah ( Brandon Walters i believe his name is ). He has a beautiful expressive face and he seems so authentic in his role - i suppose in part to his upbringing in a remote community. I am telling you, any of you who have read negative reviews on this film, especially those of you in the States, please give this film a shot.

The best part of my day though was the visit to my friend, Mrs N. Now Mrs N is a woman who was, for lack of a beter description, a teachers aid at my primary school. I should say is, because she still works there after 20 years. I have never asked her old she actually is ( that would just be rude, wouldnt it ? ) but she would have to be in her late 70's , if not older. The thing is, Mrs N gets me. She is the easiest person to talk to and she is never anything but gracious, kind and non-judgemental. In lieu of the relationships i DON'T have with my grandparents, Mrs N is like a surrogate grandmother to me, and its a relationship i very much appreciate. She indulges me intellectually too. It is so wonderful to be able to spend a few hours with someone, to be able to discuss so many topics and ideas and issues and have someone understand and appreciate what you're saying. Its an incredible boost to divulge your most personal demons to someone and still have them say they love you, admire you and are inspired by you. I feel like everyone should have someone like Mrs N in their lives.

I told her about my smile challenge, but what I didnt tell her is that spending the afternoon in her ramshackle little cottage was the biggest smile I'd had all week...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Horizon Has Been Defeated

For now.

So, I put in an offer on a property today .... and it was turned down. I put in a deliberatly low bid ( thats the way you play these thngs after all.... ) but still it was a little disheartening to be knocked back. But no worries, i plan on putting in another, slightly higher offer tomorrow. Of course, I've never actually tried to buy a house before so I'm not entirely sure of the processes of house hunting, but what i do know is i like the house i inspected today. It's relatively small - two bedrooms, but its still a whole tonne bigger than most shoebox apartments in major cities. Its also 58 years old, but its been nicely refurbished on the inside so i'd barely have to spend a dollar on improvements if didnt want to. So I guess all is not lost - i still have another chance and if that offer gets turned down i have a few more thousand dollars to play with before i have to admit Game Over. Wish me luck ?

And you know what gives you luck ? Or rather, what pays you back in awesomely good karma ? Giving to charity, thats what. Which is exactly what i did today - I donated some canned goods and new toys to my companys annual Christmas appeal. Each Christmas we try and gather small donations to give to a local charity and this year nobody had given anything yet. So i decided to set a good example and get the ball rolling by using the spare cash i had in my wallet to buy some non-perishable food and two small toys. I opted for a Barbie doll for the girls ( i always a Barbie kind of girl, as opposed to playing with "baby" dolls ) and a Transformers action figure for the boys. I, of course, made sure to get an Optimus Prime because everybody knows Optimus Prime was the bomb ( followed closely by Jazz ). Hopefully seeing our basket now has something in it will encourage others to give aswell. I'm not going to mention what the donation cost me but suffice to say it was probably more than some families can afford to spend for themselves. So now i get the good karma of having done a good deed, a satsifying good feeling and some family somewhere gets a little bit of a brighter Christmas. And isnt Christmas the season of giving ?

Oh, and in case you didnt read between the lines there, this is me now actively, officially and very obviously asking you to give something - time, money, food, toys, whatever - to someone in need this Christmas. Charity should be a year round activity, but if your only going to be proactively charitable once a year, why not make it during the holidays?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Big Government Fixes


Looks like we’re in for more federal government and that can’t be good. Democrats have convinced most of us that our economic distress results from lack of regulation rather than too much. Whether that’s true or not (and it isn’t) doesn’t matter. That’s how people perceive it and in politics, perception is reality. Political reality won’t change until perception changes and that could take a long time - years, or decades even. That our economic mess is, at bottom, a subprime mortgage crisis - caused by our federal government forcing banks to lend money to people who couldn’t pay it back - doesn’t matter. People believe it was Wall Street business tycoons who caused it all, so government will step in and control them - and continue to lend money to people they shouldn’t.

Big government is the most inefficient way to do anything. That’s why Jefferson said: “That government is best which governs least.” It used to be the mantra of the Republican Party - until the George W. Bush Administration. Under him, government grew faster than it had in any Democrat administration and it’s one of the biggest reasons Republicans got clobbered so badly in the last two elections. Now President Obama wants to be the new FDR and take control of the economy. My professional career has been in public education during a time in which the federal government took control of it, and the results have been dismal.

There weren’t many openings for history teachers in May of 1975 when I finished undergraduate school. A week before school started in September I found a job teaching juvenile delinquents in Lowell, Massachusetts where there were lots of them. Federal special education law had just kicked in though, and delinquents were reclassified as emotionally-disturbed adolescents. Many were no doubt disturbed, but most were junior con men. That ilk I understood, having grown up with many, but federal regulations dictated that we treat them as if they were handicapped. Once the junior cons realized this, they used it to their advantage of course, and lots of the federal taxpayer’s money was spent for little or no gain. A strong case could be made that juvenile delinquency in Massachusetts actually got worse. Federal programs didn’t work because people followed regulations instead of their common sense.

Trained as a history teacher, I wasn’t certified in Special Ed, so I had to take courses - so many that just a few more earned a master’s degree. So I got one, then moved north to take a job running the federally-funded Special Ed and Title I Programs in Maine School Administrative District 72. Our district spent this federal program money to hire ed techs who gave students individual attention. Our superintendent was a WWII US Army vet very familiar with federal regs. When state and federal checkers visited, I’d tell each ed tech whether they were Title I or Special Ed for that day. After showing the checkers around in the morning, our superintendent showed them local trout streams in the afternoon and they went away happy. No federal tax money was wasted.

Regulations and paperwork multiplied however, and I spent most of my time with telephones, filing cabinets and meetings, none of which provided job satisfaction. A new superintendent came in who was picky about paperwork, so when a job teaching history opened up, I took it along with a cut in pay. I’ve liked my job since because I’m left alone in my classroom. Meanwhile, I’ve observed with dismay the increasing union and central government control of public education.

I’m still involved in special education the way every teacher is: I go to lots of meetings and see lots more money spent. Few would begrudge spending for the mentally retarded, physically handicapped, or those with sight, hearing, dyslexia, or other issues. However, some who would have been coded as Educable Mentally Retarded (EMR) thirty years ago, are now classified “low-normal” and dropped from services. Meanwhile, special ed staff spend increasing amounts of time cultivating what some of us call “learned helplessness” in students whose biggest problem is an unwillingness to apply themselves. Schools must abide by federal statutes and ignore their better judgement about which students are served and how. Personnel may be used only with certain students and not others who don’t fit the regs, even though their needs are plainly very great. This waste of resources is worst when power and decision-making is centralized in Washington instead of in local schools. It’s been maddening to watch this trend increase year after year.

Now that Democrats are firmly in control our entire federal government again, and are beholden more to teachers’ unions than any other constituency, we’re going to see more of the same at an accelerated pace. We can look for similar developments in the economy, or in any other area the federal government wants to “regulate.”

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Long Weekend by The NUmbers, Plus an Update on the Smile Challenge

So technically it wasnt a long weekend here in Australia - that is, we didnt have an official public holiday or anything. However, seeing as I had both Friday and Monday off, I had my own long weekend. Thus, you get the stats from four days rather than two. Aren't you people lucky ?

4 - numbers of days I had off. I said that already, didnt i ?

10 - amount in dollars that Tradie lunch cost on Friday. Make that a $20 Tradie lunch, because i bought lunch for my auntie as a birthday treat. My 7 month old cousin ate tiny Vegemite sandwiches from a cup.

5 - number of open houses i intended on inspecting on Saturday morning.

2 - number of those open house inspections that actually went ahead. The other three were cancelled: two because of the weather and one because it had been sold.

40 - approximate number of minutes i spent driving around to get to and from these cancelled open houses. What a waste of petrol.

2 - number of naps I managed to fit in over the course of Saturday afternoon/evening. It was one of those rainy, stay-indoors-and-do-nothing kind of days. Somehow i manage to fall asleep easily when it comes to naps, but i lie awake for what seems like forever at night...

87 - approximate number of minutes my mother spent farting around looking at shoes and pretty tops on Sunday morning. Don't get me wrong - I looooooooooooove shopping - but my mother is the most frusturating shopper on earth.

1000 - approximate ( and slightly embellished ) number of jumps my neice did, in a row, on the trampoline at our house. Seriously. We had a barbecue on Sunday night and after she finished eating she was bouncing on that thing for like an hour straight. I dont know how she didnt bounce her little brain to death.

1 - number of Christmas's ruined by my neice. Yep, seems like the three year old can't keep a secret.: " Hey, Aunty Amy - we bought you a yoga mat! ". This prompted her mother to, mockingly, tell her she'd ruined Xmas. " Yea? Well you cant look at me anymore ". Cue (still ) bouncing, now with her back to us.

60 - number minutes of spent getting a facial. Ah, the pampering....

170 000 - amount in dollars i can realistically borrow to buy my first home. My modest first home.

180 000 - amount in dollars i could afford to offer, as a maximum, on a property. A modest property.

6 - number of seperate tests they need to run to try and figure out why i'm so low in iron. I'll let you guess for yourself what kind of tests they may, or may not be.

3 - number of days i need to be on a exclusion diet to run some of those tests. Woo hoo - no broccoli!

10 - number of minutes i spent lying on the floor after i almost passed out at the gym. OMG - so embarrassing. Apparently you should not push yourself so hard on your first day back at the gym after being sick.

And so, onto the smile challenge update. Granted, i havent been keeping a regualr blog list of each and every thing that has made me smile the last week or so but, believe me, I am taking notice. And its working - think my colleagues are starting to think i've gone even more mental. Just, you know, in the opposite direction. And, for each negative thing that happens, i've been able to find a positive and much better side to focus on. For example, no, I wont be able to borrow enough money to build a new home ( boo hoo hoo, disappointment ). However, now that i know my budget and range, I'm looking forward to seeing what i can find and figuring out what i can do with it ( i've been watching a lot of the Lifestyle channel lately. I love Thom Felicia! ). Or so it was rainy and three open houses got cancelled ( wasting my time and petrol - poo to that! )? Yea, well it gave me a whole bucnh of time to catch up with a friend who lives a few houses up my street. She's almost 32 (totally old according to her ....) she has three kids, and she went flying off the rails when her husband died three years ago, but she's getting back to a good place. She's wonderfully funny and irrevent and because of all her derailing at various times in her life, she has great advice sometimes.

A total plus huh ?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Hudson Luke




Posted by Picasa

Getting To Know Me- Its An Epic

You people know i love a meme or two so, in the spirit of particpation, I've decided to take part in Andy's " Getting to Know You Week ". And, in the vein of Andy's most recent post ( involving what may or may not have been a ghostly car chase ) I've decided to tell you all about a small part of my trip to Peru. The spooky part. Sure, the story is not from my childhood, but is from my past which is an integral part of getting to know me, so i'm going to assume Andy wont mind me slightly bending the rules. One or two of you may have heard this story before - for those of you who havent, hold onto your seats....


For those of you who are not up on your geography or world heritage sites, that is Machu Picchu, an ancient Inca city built into the Andes mountains. You may recognise it from Lonely PLanet guidebooks, National Geographic calendars or any of the 1001 travel shows being broadcast around the globe. It is, undeniably, a popular tourist destination - and the best way to get there ? On foot. Yes - foot: a four day trek through the Andes, starting at an outpost known as KM88 and finishing at Machu Picchu ( hopefully at either sunrise or sunset, if you time it right ... ). So that's we're i'll start my story - on the Inca Trail, on the 2nd day of the trek.
I'm not going to lie - the Inca Trail is no easy slog. Its not like i was some kind of ultra-fit, athletic superwoman . I was a slightly-larger-than-I-am-now trekking novice who'd never done anything at altitude before. But it promised to be the adventure of a lifetime, and who was i to turn that down ( even if it did feel like my lungs were going to explode ) ? Just making it into camp on the first day - accompanied by my all-male encouragement troupe, 3 guys i'd only known a few days before who insisted that singing " Eye of the Tiger " would motivate us up the mountain - was a Godsend. Day two promised to be harder. By mid mornng we would be ( slowly, painfully ) making our way to Warminwayusca, or Dead Womans Pass. This pass is 4500m above sea level and, as the highest point on the trek, is considered the toughest part of the journey. With the whole group having reached the summit, we stopped for a snack and a photo opportunity. It was from here that everything went downhill- both literally and figuratively.

My boys, after the trek - i believe they had moved onto Spice Girls songs by then
When our guide said it was time to pack ourselves up and get on the move, i tired sitting up but i felt all lightheaded and lethargic - it was like all the energy had been completely drained out of my body. I took a minute and tired to gather myself together but, when i looked a little wobbly on my feet, my guide and one of the other guys volunteered to walk at the back with me. Within a half an our, not only was i wobbly on my feet but i could barely seem to lift my arms - rather than walking with my walking sick, i was dragging it behind me in the dirt. My trekking buddy, Lachlan, said he'd carry my pack for me and my guide Jugo supported me on one side. I'd been drinking water and we'd only just eaten, so i should have all the energy in the world, but within another half hour, my vision had gone blurry and i was now being supported on both sides. I wasnt so much as walking, as being slowly dragged up the mountain side by an ex-Army recruit and a small Incan man. Mind you, all the guides are trained in first aid and a nurse in our group mentioned she thought i might be dehydrated or could possibly have altitude sickness.

And so we stopped. Jugo radioed ahead for one of the porters to come back with some blankets and he sat me down on a very comfy rock on the side of the trail. He gave me me water and put me on an oxygen tank for 20 minutes. He also made me inhale some foul smelling yuck, which apprently alleviates the symptoms of altitude sickness. All of that and - nada. I could barely breath, by this time could barely see, and felt like both my arms and legs were being weighed down by concrete. To be quite honest, i wuld have been perfectly happy to curl up on that there rock and die. Obviously, leaving me to die on a barren hillside isnt wasnt exactly part of Jugo's job description so... they carried me. Yes, you read that right - Jugo, Lachlan and Alejandro, the young guide who came back with the blankets, carried me. On their backs, They tied me on with the blankets, just like Peruvian women do with their babies.Hell, they even ran! Lachlan was a big guy, but Jugo and Alejandro were typically short, small, Incan men, and they ran with my whole 60kg/150lb of weight on their backs. I was slipping in and out of conscious - the only thing i do clealy remember is catching up to the rest of our group and Jugo telling them they had to get me immediately to camp.
Which is where i woke up. I woke up with Jugo leaning over me, stroking my head, telling me i was going to be okay, not to worry, he was sending someone into see me. Yep, no worries - zzzzzzzzz. Next thing i know there is a " Hola, senorita ? Hola ? " at the opening to my tent and in comes this really old guy. Here comes the cool part - he props my head up and starts muttering, kind of chanting, in the local Incan language. I was already almost completely out of it, too far gone to make any objection to what he was doing anyway. So the old guy keeps up the muttering and then he lights up something a bowl until it starts smoking. Once he had his smoke going, he blew it all over me: directly into my face, over the top of my head, down the front of my shirt, everywhere. He rubbed whatever he'd crushed up in his bowl over my face and arms, finished up with his chanting, said " Buenos noches, senorita ", and disappeared. Two of my female trekking companions them came in and helped me put on more clothing layers and then - blackness. I passed out or fell asleep for a while and then rested very fitfully ( i;d say slept, but i dont think i really did ) for the rest of the night.
Morning comes and .... i feel awesome. I wake up feeling great, go out and eat breakfast with everyone - albeit while copping some very strange looks from my trek buddies. Everyone wants to know how i feel and Jugo takes me aside to make sure i'm feeling okay. And that was it, we set off for the day. No-one rally talks much about the day before, except to say that i looked terrible, all limp like a rag doll and one of our older members thought i might have been dead. No-one bothers to tell me what may or may not have been wrong with me, but it didnt really matter because i was doing fine. It wasnt until our first snack break that anyone decided to let me in on what went on the previous night. So, take a deep breath people, here it comes : I WAS POSSESSED. Don't re-red that to see if it makes more sense, it wont. Apparently, whilst i had been laid up in my tent, delirious, Jugo had taken everyone else aside and told them what was going to happen, because he didnt want them to think i was being taken advantage of or anything. He, and the other porters - all Peruvian indian men - thought i had been taken over by a mountain spirit, spirits that the Incan people believed kept guard over their trail. The elderly gentleman, who turned out to be one of our porters, was also a kind of Incan medecine man, was going to go in an perform some kind of exorcism ritual, and expel whatever spirit it was that had taken me over.
And there you have it - when all the scientific medecines didnt work, when i only continued to get worse, it was decided that i must have been possessed and only pagan magic could save me. And you know what ? It did. The oxygen, the foul smelling inhalant, the water and pills, none of that worked but the chanting and the smoke blowing had me feeling as fresh as a daisy. Not only did i not struggle with the rest of the trek, but i was the second person to make it to the gateway to Machu Pichhu. It was like i'd been suddenly blessed or something. When we had finished our tek and met back up in town with our other tour guide, Jonathon, he told me in full what had gone on. He said he had only heard of two other women in 15 years of leading tours who had got so sick, so suddenly, and in the same spot on the trek ( straight after Dead Womans Pass ), and the same smoke blowing, chanting, praying-whatever worked on them too. You can believe what you want but, having lived the experience and being of a hippie-dippie spiritual mind anyway, i'm like 95% sure something otherworldly happened to me up there.
Either way, it sure beats the hell out of most peoples vacation stories....

To Whom and From Whom


On Thanksgiving Day Americans give thanks to God. Used to be everybody knew that but the multiculturalists among us have done their damnedest to hide it, so it’s become necessary to state it up front. When I ask my students about who is to be thanked on this national holiday, they look puzzled. “Indians?” they guess. That’s a clue about what we’re becoming in the 21st century. Only after discussing it some will a student say, “Wait a minute. Isn’t it God?” Those of us fortunate enough to have extended family members in their eighties can ask them the question as a kind of experiment. My prediction is that they, too, will look puzzled, but not because they don’t know the answer. They’ll be puzzled that anyone would even ask the question.

Americans face uncertainty this winter, but not the kind we thought we’d be facing. Just a few months ago we were worried about high fuel costs when gas prices and heating oil prices were around $4 per gallon. Those costs are back down to manageable levels, but now the economy itself is uncertain. People are being laid off. Nearly all of us know someone who has either gotten a pink slip or whose business has slowed dangerously. The stock market is doing a slow-motion crash. Corporations and banks are failing left and right and few economic advisors are predicting that bottom will be reached anytime soon. Unlike his soaring rhetoric during the campaign, our newly-elected president is sending out spokesmen to damper down expectations that he’s going to fix everything next year, the year after, or even in four years.

This year, I’m thankful for basic things like life, health, family, food, clothing, shelter, and heat. After several years of idleness, I’ve dusted off my chainsaws, dropped trees, and worked them up with my splitting maul - and it felt good. I’d almost forgotten how satisfying it can be to work on the woodpile when it’s getting cold. It’s simple and meaningful work in a complicated world. When I moved my young family to Maine thirty-one years ago, that became my routine because I had no choice. Oil was too expensive. The kids pitched in and it was all good. On the woodpile, there’s no disconnect between the work you do and the reason you do it. It’s hard work, there’s no better feeling than looking at a full woodshed when snow starts to fly. For a man whose job is to take care of his family, it’s a labor of love.

Back to basics is good. So is self-reliance. There was a time when Americans depended on themselves for just about everything and wouldn’t think of calling on government unless there were an emergency. There were no such things as entitlements. We were strong then because the only thing we felt entitled to was the opportunity to work. We always believed in helping each other, but that help was direct. It was bringing your tools over to your neighbor’s and working with him. It wasn’t in the form of government shaking you down for taxes to be spent on people you believe should be doing more for themselves. There’s no satisfaction in that.

Thanksgiving Day is uniquely American. It started with ordinary people celebrating the fruits of their own labor, working side by side for their common welfare - their life, their liberty, and pursuit of their happiness, all of which they knew were theirs by right. They also knew where those rights came from - from their Creator, not from their government. A century and a half later, their descendants put it down in writing and sent it to the king. On that day back in 1621 however, they gave thanks to God.

Monday, November 24, 2008

My weekend by the numbers: a recap

1 - number of fetes i attended. A fete is pretty much a country fair for all you non-Aussies. I took my neice because i knew she would appreciate the jumping castle and face painting.

4 - times i ate fast food over the course of three days. A serious blow out. The next thing to be blown out ? My stomach.

1 - number of doctors bills paid. Yep, the bill from my wisdom teeth removal.

670 - amount in dollars that it cost to have those teeth removed.

3 - display homes visit. For anyone wondering what a display home is, its a fully built replica of a home you can have built for yourself. I'm kind of thinking of building one, you see - if i can afford it.

245 000 - amount in dollars of the cheapest house and land package being offered in my town right now. Maybe i cant afford it.... but we'll see.

24 000 - amount in dollars the Australian government is offering as a first home buyers grant. Sure helps a bit with that affordability thing....

1 - number of handbags i bought myself. White, textured, Fiorelli tote. Not a Birkin bag by any means, but cute, classy and functional.

3 - number of days i saw my neice this weekend. Yep, that would be every day.

2 - number of days i saw my 7 month old cousin this weekend. Apparently, it was a weekend for the kiddies.

And there you have it. Look forward to next weekends recap - I've taken the Friday and Monday off work because, well, i havent had any actual holidays this year and i figure i deserve a long weekend. The forthcoming recap may or may not involve one or more the following: facials, $10 Tradie Lunch, " Australia ", visits by new reps, trips to the mortgage broker, old houses, new houses, broken hearts and children. Guess which ones i'm looking forward to ?

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Perpetual Rainy Day



It was a perpetual rainy day, every day, for her. Not even the hottest days of summer could warm her deeply chilled bones. Why was she like this? No one really knew. On the outside she showed no signs of why her world was in constant rain. She seemingly bore no scars of her past, but they were there, buried deep under the layers of hurts and a trusted umbrella.


Walking down the muddy road that was her life she thought she saw a glimpse of sun. It only turned out to be a light drizzle, but it was not perpetual rain. So she tarried there in his company. This boy, who you could say he was charming and kind, was a welcome rest from her rain. So she set her trusted umbrella down and let him see some of her scars, but he did not care, not even a little bit. She was blind sided. She let down her guard and got hurt. Her slight drizzle turned into a strong down pore, and she was left helpless, soaked and chilled to the bone.


Painfully she bent to pick up the pieces that she had carelessly thrown down. How could she have been so foolish? She knew better than to let someone in that close. So she covered the scars and walked on into her perpetual rainy day, and a trusted umbrella overhead trying to keep dry the already soaked hurts. Never again would she allow her scars to show.


The rainy days of her life slowly got worse growing stronger after that first down pore, until finally she found that even the umbrella and layers of hurts could not keep the down pores away. So one by one they were dropped until she was left there standing bare. All her well-hidden scars left to be seen by all. Yet no one was there to see them or help them heal; no one to comfort her. So her sobs mingled with the rain of her perpetual down pore.

Then the sun suddenly shone and she was warmed by an unseen power that washed over her. She opened her eyes to see a man, but not just any man there was something about him that was different. She could tell by the way he looked at her, his eyes where so full of love and kindness. He was wet, soaked to the bone just as she was. He had been there with her all this time. In her despair He was there for every hurt He was there. He was there to help heal them. The Son was there to take them away. All her hurts were no more. Jesus had taken them. They had been left behind in her last perpetual rainy day.
This is a short story I wrote. It was random that I wrote it but I thought I's share it with ya'll.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Is that a challenge ? Double dog dare me ?

Five weeks til Christmas - can you believe that? 35 days to go until the Big Red Man comes and i get to stuff my face with prawns and Christmas icecream ( yes, you read it right - i make Christmas icecream ). And, knowing that there is only 35 days til my Christmas, our branch manager decided today was the day to put all the Christmas decorations in our store. Of course, everyone knows that you risk certain and eternal Christmas bad luck by decorating before December 1st ( yes, this means you too Andy and Capricorn ), but she insisted today was the day. Seriously, you've never seen an office covered in so much Christmas kitsch. It was cute and fun and cheery today, but i 'm guessing by the end of, lets see, next week, its going to be nauseating.

Anyhoo, like i said, decorating the office was quite a cheerful experience for the day, which got me to thinking - why dont i concentrate more often on the cheerful stuff ? Sure, when the big stuff happens - like birthdays or parties or exciting experiences - i'm all about the cheer; but I dont readily acknowledge the everyday things that make me smile and keep me from spending the day with my head under my bed covers. And so, in the spirit of the season i have decided to conduct an experiment - everyday up to and including Christmas Day, I am going find one thing that makes me smile. And, furthermore, I am going to let things slide - dont sweat the small stuff, you know ? Seems to me, after years of having listened to Oprah say it over and over ( hey, so maybe i dont pick things up so easily... call me stupid ) that actively focusing on being happy will..... make you HAPPY. Who woulda thunk it ?

In kicking off the challenge, here is the list of things that made me smile/smirk/giggle/cack my pants with laughter today :
* The radio playing " Run to the Water " by Live on my way to work - i love that song!
* A young girl coming in with her mum to look at sunglasses - she had the most gorgeous curly hair.
* Selling sunglasses - i just really enjoyed the customers today.
* The amount of Santa ornaments my manager has accumulated over the years - its like a Santa City in my dispensary right now!
* A bumper sticker that said " Nurses - We Can't Live Without Them " - thats it. No joke, no punchline. Just nurses are so under-appreciated. Big cyber hugs for the nurses out there...
*Andy and Ben's co-blog - laugh at loud funny.
*Chit chatting with J during work - when we werent busy with customers, we were busy being fools. Laughing makes the day go quicker, thats for sure.
* Eating gooey caramel-ly icecream for dessert - can you say yum ?

Which brings me to now. I'm currently texting back and forth with P while we watch " The Amazing Race " and after that , it'll almost be time for bed. Add one more to the list - sleeping always makes me happy.....

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Liberal Racism


Can we finally get rid of “Affirmative Action” now that we have a black president? Barack Obama was freely elected by the votes of more than 63 million Americans with all shades of skin. We know this because our government and our media are obsessed with race. Endlessly, they classify us all even though biologists insist there’s no such thing as “races.” We humans belong to only one race - the human race. Any others are socially-constructed categories based on skin color or other variances within the human species. In other words, they exist only because we insist they do. How many times have you been asked to classify yourself as “White-non Hispanic” or “Black” or “Native American” or “Pacific Islander” or any one of a growing list of “races”?

The Constitution requires our federal government to count us all every ten years for the purpose of apportioning congressional districts according to population. Slave-holding states insisted that slaves be counted so they could have more congressional power. Anti-slavery states didn’t want to count them at all since they were not citizens. A compromise resulted in which only three-fifths of the slave population would count toward seats in Congress. After post-Civil-War Amendments 13, 14, and 15, there was no need to categorize American citizens this way, but it persisted and even expanded nonetheless. Such is the nature of government bureaucracies.

When I was visited by a census taker eight years ago, he sat at my kitchen table and filled out a form as he questioned me. When he got to the part about “race” I watched him as he was about to check off “white.” I said, “Wait a minute,” and insisted that he put me down as human. He said he had to check off one of the categories and there were none for “human.” I said leave it blank then. He said he could see that I was white and he marked it. I let it go, but I won’t in 2010 when census-takers come around again. I’ll refuse to cooperate when my government discriminates on the basis of race. It’s racism, pure and simple, and we have to get off this ludicrous merri-go-round.

For a century after slavery was outlawed, black people (and others) were discriminated against. To remedy that, the Civil Rights Bill was signed into law by President Johnson in 1964. It became illegal to “limit, segregate, or classify his employees in any way which would deprive or tend to deprive any individual of employment opportunities or otherwise adversely affect his status as an employee because of such individual’s race, color, religion, sex, or national origin.” Yet that is exactly what Affirmative Action does. It classifies people according to the above-mentioned categories and grants them preferential treatment at the expense of others. “Affirmative Action” is a euphemism for racial preferences - the very antithesis of what the Civil Rights Bill intended. It was wrong in principle when white people got racial preferences, and it’s wrong when any other group does also.

When people like Ward Connerly of the American Civil Rights Institute moved to eliminate racial categories from the US Census altogether, The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) insisted they remain. How else could they use the power of government to “advance colored people” if they were not identified by that government and given preferences in hiring, college admissions, and business contracts? A sort of compromise was worked out in which citizens were allowed to check off more than one of 126 possible classifications of race and ethnicity, but this only made things worse.

Connerly’s American Civil Rights Institute has been effective, however, in its efforts at outlawing Affirmative Action in several states including California, Washington, Michigan, and Nebraska through the referendum process. Enacted in 1996, “The California Civil Rights Initiative,” for example, reads as follows:

“The state shall not discriminate against, or grant preferential treatment to, any individual or group on the basis of race, sex, color, ethnicity, or national origin in the operation of public employment, public education, or public contracting.”

For this, Connerly has been attacked as “racist” by fellow black activists. How an initiative that bars discrimination on the basis of race can be called racist is beyond me, but such is the hopelessly skewed thinking of race-baiting activists like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, as well as most members of the NAACP and the Democrat Party.
While there’s still a question of whether Barack Obama got into Columbia and Harvard through Affirmative Action, he won the highest office in the land without it. If that’s not proof that it’s time to eliminate Affirmative Action once and for all, please tell me - what is it going to take?