We're Back!

Why hello there loyal reader types! Flynn and I are finally back from Tresillian and, i got to admit, i'm feeling pretty good. I thought i might feel a little apprehensive coming home, away from the nurses and the encouraging words of other mums, but i'm feeling confident that we're going to have our whole new routine downpat in no time at all. Granted, Flynn didnt have an afternoon nap this afternoon but, after a 6 hour car trip home, you cant blame him for feeling a little muddled. So what did we learn at this "sleep school "?

* Nothing is miraculously fixed overnight - at Flynns age, it can take up to 6 weeks for a new routine to be learned and settled into comfortably ( not the usual 2 suggested by most literature i've read ).
* Consistency is key. This one i already knew but found hard to stick to, especially when i was trying to get him to sleep when i was home alone.
* Watch the clock. It may feel like they've been screaming " for ages " and that they've been in bed long enough. In reality, its probably only been about 10 minutes.
* Bub should be having, at the very least, a 1 hr nap. If he wakes before that ( say, after 45 minutes ) i need to leave him in his cot ( going back in to check and calm ) for another FULL SLEEP CYCLE. Which is another 45 minutes....sometimes it takes that long for a baby to fall back to sleep.
* Dont stand and pat your baby until he falls asleep - be hands on to calm him down, but once he's calm, leave the room. Patting til he's asleep might help him drift off, but it doesnt teach him to drift off ON HIS OWN.
* No matter how hard they cry and how much it hurts, they will stop sometimes. Eventually. Really, i promise.
* Also, the whole " baby cant self settle " thing is just bad habit, not bad mothering. Phew - so i can stop torturing myself over that one.

Honestly? I think it was a definate help going down there. Yes, they (generally ) use a controlled crying technique but i was ok with that because i'd tried everything else and nothing had worked. Plus, its not a horrible, parental abandonment type of controlled crying - its reading tired signs and listening to the cry and going back in at short intervals to calm bub down and reassure him he's tired and needs to go to sleep. Its the same kind of thing i was trying to do at home, i just needed a bit of guidance. I'm grateful to the nurses for sharing their knowledge with me, for answering my stupid questions, and for calming ME down when i cracked and burst into tears on the first day.

I'm actually looking forward to the challenge of implementing and sticking with the new routine ( which is only slightly tweaked from our old one ) and seeing how long it takes to be entirely successful. With no afternoon nap its only taken Flynn 10 minutes to fall asleep for the night so thats a good start!

To Bail Or Not To Bail

People can choose whether or not to use their money to bail out a relative or friend, and that’s good. People don’t have a choice when government uses their money to bail out businesses, and that’s bad.

Bail is a great system as traditionally practiced. When someone’s arrested, he can either stay in jail until his trial when his guilt or innocent will be determined, or he can be bailed out. He’s allowed one phone call to send word out into the community at large that he’s in jail charged with whatever. If he has a good enough reputation, a family member or a friend will show up at the jail and put down however much money to secure his release until trial, and the amount would depend on the seriousness of the charge(s).

On the other hand, if he’s worn out his welcome with family and friends in the community, if his reputation is so tarnished that there’s nobody left who is willing to come forward and help, then he stays in jail. We could call this process the “trial before the trial.” If those who know him best make the judgement, if in their opinion he’s become dysfunctional - by abusing alcohol or drugs, through dishonesty, laziness, violence, or whatever - each relative or friend makes an individual decision about whether they wish to extend themselves for him - or leave him in jail to take the legal consequences of his behavior. It’s a wonderful process. If no one answers his call, the accused stays inside to ponder how things got so bad. A judge might force him to undergo treatment for addiction or mental illness. The accused may resolve to change the way he runs his life and become a better person after dealing with the consequences of his behavior. Or maybe not, and he’ll stay in jail a very long time. Either outcome is usually good for the community at large.

The traditional bail system is a wonderful process. Lately, however, the term has been applied as a remedy for bankruptcy. There’s a whole set of bankruptcy laws for individuals who have managed their affairs badly and cannot pay their debts. I’m no expert, but when they declare bankruptcy, whatever assets they have beyond basic necessities are liquidated to pay off creditors and the rest of their debts are forgiven. Some of their creditors don’t get paid, and that’s a consequence either of bad luck, or for their bad judgement in choosing to do business with an unreliable person. There’s still some choice involved, but it’s before the fact, not after. Once bankruptcy is declared, a judge makes the decisions.

It’s much the same process with a corporation. If it makes bad decisions, if it’s irresponsible, greedy, lazy, mismanaged, or dysfunctional in some other way and cannot pay its debts, it declares bankruptcy and then it has no more choices. All contracts become null and void and a judge decides what should be done from then on. It could be forced to reorganize in some way. If it’s a large corporation, competitors often choose to buy up parts of it and continue to operate them. Some creditors get paid, others lump it, but the overall outcome is usually good for the community at large. Bankruptcy laws apply, but the free market is the ultimate arbiter. Government has, until lately, avoided involvement beyond maintaining courts to function as they were designed. When government goes beyond that and bails out big companies as it has lately, ostensibly to protect the overall economy, it makes things worse. Some companies need to fail, just as some individuals need to sit in jail. Families don’t help by continuing to bail out dysfunctional relatives, and neither does government help by bailing out dysfunctional companies. It only prolongs the agony and the inevitable collapse, which will likely be even more catastrophic than it might otherwise have been if it were allowed to occur early. Failure is a great teacher and there are many who seem not to learn any other way.

Taxpayers don’t have a choice when government bails out businesses, even though it’s their money being spent, or it’s borrowed money being spent that taxpayers, their children and their grandchildren, will be forced to repay with interest. The Democrat Congress and President Bush began the process with TARP in 2008 (Troubled Assets Relief Program), but an even more heavily Democrat Congress and President Obama after November, 2008 elections, have taken the practice much, much farther. Together, they have mortgaged the whole country with crippling debt to bail out their friends on Wall Street and in unions like the UAW (United Auto Workers). If General Motors and Chrysler had been allowed to collapse, union contracts would have been nullified. Their unwieldy pension and benefit packages were major factors pushing the auto companies over the brink. However, since unions are a major constituency of the Democrat Party, government preserved those unsustainable contracts with huge bailouts when the whole mess should have been allowed to collapse.

Americans are fuming and the Tea Party is in revolt. Government took away their choice to bail or not to bail, so they’ll choose instead to replace their dysfunctional government at the polls next month.

It’s going to be a very interesting election.

Operation Slimdown, Mach 2 - Week 2

So, we're into week 2 of OS:M2 and, truth be told, i dont really have much to tell you. In fact, this is kind of a non-update. Its not that i havent been trying because i really, really i have, i promise. Its just that i'm down here with Flynn at Tresillian and i dont have a mesauring tape or scales, so i cant get any results to share.

I will say however that i did exercise 6 out of the 7 days since the start of OS:M2. Good for me! I went for a half hour walk 4 days, did a " Fat Blasting Yoga " dvd one day ( and yes, Denise Austin, i DID feel the burn... ), my usual hr long Zumba class on Wednesday night and am being cheeky enough to count a vigorous bout of " horizontal exercise " as an official exercise session. I've felt better for it i think, even though that yoga dvd reminded me of muscles i 'd forgotten i even had.

I cut back on portion sizes, as evidenced by the fact we had leftovers everyday, and i managed to drink at least a litre of water everyday, sometimes a little more. To be honest, i dont actually feel as though i've lost any weight, and i cant notice my clothes fitting any differently, so perhaps its a good thing that i cant get any measurements done today! The last two days have been bit of a bust diet wise ( travelling plus hospital food do not a health diet make ) and its been raining almost the entire time we've been here in Penrith so i havent been able to go out for the walks i'd hoped to take.

No matter, I'll call the rest of this week a write off and perserve next week. Fingers crossed i have some kind of loss to report next Tuesday!

We're Here!

We're here, at Tresillian, finally.
I got the call at 12:30pm yesterday ( Sunday ) saying that they had a spot for me at 9am in the morning - could i be there? Well it may be a 5 and half drive from where i live but yes i could! I madly washed and ried some clothes Flynn and i would need, packed our bags - hoping that i didnt forget anything important - and we hit the road by 4pm. An overnight sleepover at Micks aunties place and we were admitted at 9am this morning, as promised.

I'm not sure how i'm feeling right now. There's no denying that you are in a hospital - hospital rooms, hospital bathrooms and, perhaps worst of all, hospital food - so my immediate reaction to the place was " what the hell am i doing here? its so depressing! " but now that we've settled in a bit, its not so bad. The nurses so far have been wonderful, and the other mums i've run into are good for a chat. They have great trashy magazines, and a vending machine so i can supplement the hospital meals with good stuff - like chocolate ( which, sadly, means that OS:M2 will not be so much of a success this week ). I had a little meltdown around lunchtime, trying to get Flynn to take a nap that he wouldnt normally take, and the nurses were great about it. I know its going to be a long, hard week, especially away from Mick, but i also know that i can do it.

I can do it, and i will. Just watch me!

Autumn Twilight

A film director I know calls this the "golden hour." In fall, it's the last 20-30 minutes of bright sun before it sets. Always want a camera in hand. These are my favorite ash trees in the back yard. The sky is bluest on a crisp autumn afternoon too.These had just come down in the previous night's wind and rain. They were lit from the side by the declining sun.This is my favorite shade of red in geraniums. It's rich. My wife saves these each fall - brings them inside for the winter and puts them back out.Twilight makes the leaves look good too.Crimson catches my eye. Saw these sumacs on the way to work one morning last week near the Saco River. I'm alway a sucker for nature's reds.These are nicer.These needles fell on an old railroad tie I'd hauled in so my wife could use it as a step. This tie had been imprinted by the gravel base after so many heavy trains had passed over it. The twilight makes it more interesting.Another morning last week showed muted light. The sun hadn't quite risen and it had rained heavily in the night. Gotta move that woodpile before winter.Love those reds. Hope the wife saves these geraniums again for next year.

A Universal Grey Remembered, 37 years On

 One of the interesting things about having an open door policy is that you don’t always know who you might get to meet from one day to the next. This week a number of our new students, all of whom appeared to be in a state of high anxiety, came to see me. The universal reason for their anxiety was not yet receiving their uniform. It seems that currently many of our students are experiencing difficulties getting hold of their Uniform from the supplier. The main supplier of our uniforms, and indeed nurses’ uniforms across the UK, went into administration earlier in the summer. Although the business was eventually rescued, the new business appears still to be struggling to play catch up with all the back log of orders. The consequence is that some of our students may not receive their uniforms before they go out to their first practice placements, hence the high levels of anxiety.

Bear with me for a minute, but until very recently, I had a framed poster hanging outside my office which I think explicitly captured and presented my thoughts about the uncritical pursuit of universality, homogeneity and the perverse nature of coercive specificity that is often the consequence. These are concepts epitomised by the notion of Uniforms.

The poster was moved in order to create a space to hang the gift of a fine carpet from colleagues in Pakistan. My intention is to hang the rug as a tribute to the truly magnificent work these colleagues are doing, not just in relation to the relief efforts following the recent floods, but in recognition of the unstinting work they are engaged in day after day with thousands of ordinary people across Sothern Pakistan who are suffering illness and distress.

However, I created the poster as a consequence of some work I had undertaken with two of the most influential people in my early academic career – Ian Stronach and Sheila Stark.

Together we wanted to change the face of education. It was this work that provided the foundation upon which my long term collaboration with Sue McAndrew was formed.

Sue and I continue to be concerned with the way mental health nurses are prepared for practice. A concept of preparation that’s as much about attitudes, values, and personal beliefs as it is about technical knowledge and skills.

However my preparation for becoming a nurse started off with being measured for a suit. In 1973, this was a crucial first step in my pre-registration training programme. One had to look the part, and grey two piece suits were what every aspiring male student was given to ensure they did. It was a dreadful and cheap piece of clothing that was meant to last the three years of training. When on the ward and doing real nursing male students were required to wear heavy long white coats. Somewhat strangely, female student nurse were given a bright yellow uniform to wear.

Until about 1972 most hospitals in the UK had their own style of uniform. For females this was usually designed around a traditional dress and starched apron. It was in the mid 70s that the Department of Health introduced the national uniform requirement for all NHS nurses. For females, this national uniform was originally intended to be worn as just the dress with no hat or belt, but as a result of protests by nurses, many hospitals continued to allow hats and belts.

However, whilst male nurses were stuck with their grey suits, female nurse uniforms changed. By now they were delicate shades of yellow, brown and blue check depending on your status. Unlike the shapeless grey suit, these new uniforms for women, continued to be distinctively feminine, allegedly promoting an air of comforting maternal authority. Ward Sisters almost universally refused the new check pattern, staying with the dark navy blue dress that can still be found today in many places.

By 1989, plastic disposable aprons replaced the traditional ones, caps were discarded. Dresses became more practical and, so I am told, more comfortable to wear, with ‘Action Pleats’ becoming the norm. It started to become popular to wear tunic and trouser sets. Indeed current BBC dramas such as Holby City and Casualty show nurses in tunics, and nurses in scrub vests and pants are seen in theatre and the wards. Interestingly, whilst on TV the familiar nurses uniform appears unpopular, with polo shirts and trousers often appearing to be the norm, when these were suggested as a temporary stop gap for our students, the idea was firmly rejected by many practice colleagues on the basis it would be unprofessional. I am not sure that wearing my grey suit, all those years ago really helped me understand what becoming and being a professional was really all about. Perhaps there is still a way to go with my preparation for practice project.

We're In!

So i had my interview via telephone with Tresillian ( a sleep clinic for babies/toddlers ) and... we've been accepted. Thank Gawd! We've actually been put on the urgent list so hopefully we can be admitted within a week. Only thing is it will be on short notice so they may ring me Monday ( for example ) and ask me to be there ready to start on Tuesday - which means packing a bag for Flynn and I and hightailing it the almost 6 hr drive to Sydney. On my own, most likely - Mick doesnt think he will be able to come because of the short notice thing ( he's a truck driver so he may be away in another town when the call comes ).

I'm happy that we're finally going to get some help, but also a little upset with myself that i was too stubborn and proud to ask for help earlier. I mean i have asked for some help - we've been liasing with our community health nurse, and family and friends have been pestered for suggestion for months. But it was my stupid pride, my " I can do this by myself " attitude, that kept me from seeking proper  help. I just didnt want to admit that i couldnt be the Supermum who knew everything about her baby and could everything perfectly the first time around. I wanted so badly to be able to say " yea, we had trouble sleeping, but i fixed that! ". But i cant - or at least not yet.

Sometime in the next week or two i will be able to say " yea, we had trouble sleeping, but i fixed that... with some help ". I want to be more confident as a mum, because even though i know my son is happy and healthy for the most part, and that i'm awesome and some mummy stuff, this whole no-sleeping jazz really put a dent in my belief in my mothering abilities. So fingers crossed we get in sooner rather than later and Mr Flynn and I ( oh, and Mick, yea him too ) can get back to some good sleep and good times!