Sunday, June 20, 2010

Welcome to Project Sleepy-Time

Name: Project Sleepy-Time

Aim : To get my son to learn to sleep without mummy having to cuddle him and pat him. That is, Mr Flynny needs to learn the skill of self-settling - i cannot keep hugging him to sleep. He is only one week off being 6 months old and i think i'm ready to give the whole self-settling thing a proper shot.

Method: After much reading and chatting to fellow mums and the Tresillian nurse on MSN Mums, i have decided to go with the so-called " Parental Presence " method. Heres how it works: i wrap Flynn up and give him the usual cuddle until he's calm/drowsy. Then, rather than keep the cuddling and patting going til he's comfortably pushing out the zzz's, i'm going to put him in his cot, tuck him in, give him a kiss and tell him its time to go to sleep. Now, the " parental presence " part - rather than leave the room i'm going to curl up in a bean bag right beside his bed, where he can see me, and pretend to be asleep. If he becomes agitated i'm to keep my eyes closed and say " Ssshhh, its time to go to sleep ". In theory i need to keep this pretend sleep thing going until Flynn falls asleep.

Dude - this is going to be hard! I am under no illusions that this is going to be both difficult, and time-consuming. I've tried controlled crying and, believe me, my son must have one hell of a stubborn streak - i've left him in his cot, alternately whingeing and crying ( with me checking on him every 10 minutes ) for almost 2 hours ( out of sheer frusturation ). Did he eventually fall asleep? No. No, after 2 hours it was time for him to have another feed. We've tried the controlled crying for over 2 weeks and not once has he fallen asleep in his cot on his own. Fail, controlled crying, fail.

So, " Parental Presence " method, here we come. Its now 7:41am on Monday morning - we have been awake for 40 minutes, have had one booby feed, will be having a yoghurt in about half an hour and i'm anticipating tired sign by 8:45am, at which point Project Sleepy-Time will come into effect. I'm thinking today is going to be full of crying, screaming, general non-cooperation and a frazzled mummy, but i'm determined to stick with it. Wish me luck!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Solicitors, Service Users and Concrete Sheep

I was in Islington this week, attending the latest Mental Health Academics UK group meeting. This has to be one of the best groups in the mental health nursing world. Many of the leading contributors to contemporary thinking on what makes for an effective mental health nurse and how we prepare individuals for this role were there.

Coming home, I sat opposite a solicitor who spent much of the two hour journey on his Black banana shouting at one of his staff. The unfortunate victim of this mans wrath was a subordinate who had received 9 emails from a customer about a deal that was aimed at establishing a line of credit, and apparently he hadn’t responded to any of these emails. I am glad it wasn’t me on the other end of the phone. There wasn’t much I felt I could learn from Clive’s management approach or his interpersonal skills, but I could connect with his notion that customers are important and that to ignore them was likely to only result in disaster for everyone.

Coincidently, I was sitting on the train peer reviewing a paper that looked at Consumer Participation in Australian mental health services. Sadly, the paper wasn’t very good and I was struck by the ‘political correctness’ in the approach being reported upon. I was uncomfortable with what I was reading and whilst rhetoric is at times, very useful, this paper depressed me.

I had this in mind as this week the School had two important ‘customer’ events. The first was the inaugural service user, carer, practitioner conference – the theme was compassion and care. Partly the conference was our contribution to recognizing and celebrating National Carers Week, but partly it was the realization of a long held ambition of our Service User and Carer Group in the School. This group celebrates its fifth anniversary as a group. Their contribution tour Schools life has grown year on year. This year also sees the first group of students who participated in the first of what has become a hugely successful service user, carer and student conference graduating at ceremonies in July.

My colleagues in the School and our partners in the Service User and Carer group did us proud. The event was a success. Over 130 people attended and they were once again reacquainted with the realities of what it might be like to be a carer. The second event was a participation event looking at how to more effectively engage with children and young people in all aspects of our work, but particularly, with our research activities. Again this was a very successful event and provided much for us to think about in taking this work forward.

And talking about children, my eldest son and his wife presented me with my fifth grandchild this week. It is a slightly spooky feeling, but of course I am so proud and happy for them. As it is the digital age, I was able to see photos within a hour of him being born – despite the birth happening in Hastings, New Zealand! Intriguingly, the clock tower in the centre of Hastings is surrounded by a small flock of concrete sheep. It appears that uunknown Hastings residents seem to find it an unending source of amusement to leave real sheep droppings behind the concrete sheep. I think it is called having fun in New Zealand. I have been there three times and every time I come away thinking it is along way away from anywhere else in the world.

Anywhere else in the world was just where I wanted to be last Sunday! The six foxes that have taken up residence in our neighborhood came like Ninjas in the middle of the day and took and killed all our chickens. They did so while we were in the kitchen preparing lunch. All that escaped this ferocious attack were a couple of one week old baby chicks and Jemima – the duck who thinks she is chicken. Heroically Jemima has literally taken the two orphaned chicks under her wing.

But it is now a new week and today is Fathers day. I have just been presented with a great big bottle of malt whisky from my youngest daughter. Yes we start our days early. The whisky is called Monkey Shoulder. Readers of earlier blogs will recall that this whiskey has a special significance for the two of us. As with all my children, I have always tried to ensure they understand how much of burden it can be to carry someone else’s monkey on your shoulder.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Another Friday Flip Offs

Welcome once again to Friday Flip Offs, the end-of-week stress reliever, brought to by Gigi over at Kludgy Mom. Joining us in virtually flipping off all those things that have annoyed you this week, thus saving your friends and families from your real life wrath. Have at

To the washing man machine repair people - who sent back my machine unrepaired. After having Mick take the machine into the shop ( rather than you come to our home ) you returned it saying there was nothing wrong with it. We paid you $30 for this privilege. Upon doing a (thankfully ) small load of washing i discovered that it still wasnt spinning properly and washing was still sopping wet. Mick hasnt had time to take it back in this week - as you want to charge us a further $66 that we cant afford to come to our house and look at it - so it looks like i'll be without my machine for the third week running. Its getting really inconvenient to pack up my baby and a basket of washing and go out to do the laundry. Fix my damned machine or FLIP OFF!

To the NSW State of Origin selectors ( again ) -  job well done doodleheads. Instead of showing a bit of faith in a team that only lost the first match by 4 points, you chopped and changed 7 players and we lost the second game 36 -4.... and this years series. For the fifth straight year. If it were up to me i'd fire the lot of you... FLIP OFF!

To brownies, and slice, and all the stuff i love to bake - i love you, really i do, but your slowly making me fat. Not that fat is necessarily bad, its just not where i want to be. Therefore, i will only be baking once a week from now on - on a Wednesday, for mums group on a Thursday - and if the urge strikes me to bake any other time i will have to tell it to FLIP OFF!

To Pim Verbeek, Socceroos coach  - I know almost nothing about soccer, but i even i know the decision to NOT play our two best forwards was pretty damn stupid. You upset my brother and you upset the rest of the soccer-loving nation. Frankly i think most people cant wait til the World Cup is over and you can just FLIP OFF!

To my bathroom - which needs to be cleaned. Can't you just learn to clean yourself? Don't get me wrong, its not filthy or anything.... the floor is just covered in my hair ( damn breastfeeding! ) and the bath is accumulating a nice light covering of dust ( where the baby bath isnt sitting ). Its just with Flynn's teething this week, and subsequent clinginess and grumpiness, i just havent found time to get in there. So get thyself clean or FLIP OFF!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Grave Matter

For twenty-five years I’ve been taking care of properties around Kezar Lake in Lovell, Maine. At first, I would do most of the work myself, but now I make sure things get done by others. I’ve done carpentry, plumbing, wiring, tree work, and so forth. I’m not that great at any of them but I know enough to recognize quality work by those who are, and I know which tradesmen are dependable. Getting good people for clients is pretty much the service I provide now.

Some jobs, however, I still do myself and one involved digging up a grave. The property went up for sale and a family member named Ernest was buried on it. My clients, Ernest’s adult children, wanted his remains and his stone moved a town cemetery and I said I would take care of it.The grave was in a grove of large white pines with extensive root systems and Ernest had been down there for about twenty years. The previous caretaker, an older man named John, had shown me around the property and he had really liked Ernest. “He was the greatest,” said John.

John explained that the family had purchased a grave stone in the shape of a bench, engraved it with Ernest’s vital statistics, and had it set up in the pine grove. Then they gave him an urn with Ernest’s ashes in it and asked him to bury it somewhere near the bench. They also told him they didn’t want to know exactly where he put it. “So I took it in there, dug a hole, and buried it,” he explained.

“Hmm,” I said, never knowing that I’d be asked to dig it up some day. If I had, I’d certainly have asked him exactly where he dug and how deep.

John was a gregarious guy and he told me he’d been asked to do this kind of thing several times. “One family sent me some ashes and asked me to spread them on the lake, so I did. Then they called to say they were coming up to have a little ceremony in the boat as I sprinkled them.”“Uh-oh,” I said.

“Yeah,” he said, chuckling. “So I just spooned some ashes out of the wood stove, put them in the urn, and did it again while they said nice things about the guy. Nobody knew the difference.” While out checking his remaining properties a short time later, John died too.

I was thinking about all this the first June morning after school got out. Still, I didn’t think I’d have much problem finding Ernest’s urn. I put a long-handled spade, a pick, and a steel rod in the back of my pickup, headed over to the site, and figured I’d start looking right under the stone. It was sunny and already humid as I lifted the three segments of granite bench and set them aside. The steel rod was an old axel with one end sharpened, and I used it to gingerly probe beneath the surface hoping not to damage Ernest’s urn. With the second probe I clinked on something solid, so I took the spade and dug carefully. About twelve inches down I found a stone the size of my fist.

Examining the sides of my shallow hole, I didn’t see evidence that anyone had ever dug there. The strata of humus, loam, and mineral soil were intact, so I took up the pointed rod and started probing in an ever-increasing radius. I chopped through lots of roots, swatted hundreds of mosquitoes, and got soaked in sweat as I dug a dozen virgin holes and found a dozen fist-sized rocks. I went back home for lunch in frustration.The afternoon was hotter and more humid. I did more probes and dug another dozen holes with the same results, until the last hole showed evidence that someone had dug there before me. Then I noticed streaks of a light, gray material mixed on the edges of the hole and the pile next to it. After finding still another stone at the bottom, I realized that Ernest was urnless. That was him in the gray material scattered around, and I wondered how I was going to explain this to his surviving family.

I got a tablespoon from one of the houses and carefully extricated as much of Ernest as I could from the soil into which he was mixed and put him into an old mason jar. I brought the gravestone to the new family plot in the town cemetery and set it up. Back home, I put Ernest’s mason jar in a place of honor on my mantle piece and called his daughter.“I found Ernest’s ashes,” I said, “but there was no urn . . .” I told her the story as earnestly as I could. She came up to Lovell shortly after and I gave her the mason jar. She and her brothers took Ernest to the town cemetery and buried him again. This time, hopefully, for good.

Mummy Tummy Begone!

Let me ask you this - how in the world am i going to be able to regularly indulge my love of baking without getting fat? I weighed myself the other day ( for the first time since having a baby ) and - argh! I weigh the same now as i did when i was 8 months pregnant! It kind of shocked me to tell you the truth. I managed to lose enough of the baby weight to fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans but just in the last few weeks i'd noticed them getting a little uncomfortable around the middle. And no wonder - i am now only 3 kgs lighter than my heaviest ever weight ( but, strangely, still 2 clothing sizes smaller ).


I know we should pay more attention to how our clothes fit than we do to a particular number but i cant help it. I worked really hard a few years back to get some weight off - i lost a total of 20 kgs in about a year - and the thought of it creeping back on, even after having a baby, is creeping me out. And so this week has seen the implementation of " Operation Slim Down ". Its nothing drastic, mind you. I'd like to lose at least 10 kgs and get back to the weight i was before falling pregnant. I havent put a time frame on it because, as a new mum, the last thing i need is the added pressue of some kind of deadline. So, over the next few months or so, i plan on losing 10 kgs by taking Flynn for at least one walk everyday - even when its cold and i have to rug him up - and by doing a yoga routine at home at least once a week. Y'all know i love me some yoga and i think its the thing i've missed the most about my pre-baby life. I know enough to devise my own routine ( bearing in mind i wanted, and still want to oneday, train as a yoga teacher ) and have motivation enough to stick with it without having someone to push me. I dont really plan on changing me eating habits too much though. I eat fairly well - though i do eat more than i used to because breastfeeding makes me hungry! - its more the sedentary lifestyle of the last 6 months that has seen my mummy tummy stay put.

God helps me if my mummy tummy actually starts to spread - even though Mick tells me i'm beautiful i think we'll have to agree to disagree....

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What I Like About You!

Ok, not actually you , out there reading this. This is actually another Blog This! challenge post, which for this week reads: Select 10 things you love about your life and tell us why. It could be certain people, where you live, your local shop...include images if you like.


So, in know real particular order ( or, i should say, the order that these things sprung into my head. Read into that what you will .... ) -
1. My son - well duh, of course Flynn was going to be on my list. Even with crying, teething, pooing, not pooing, hair pulling and vomiting, the almost-6 months he's been in my life have been the bestest time ever.
2. My fiance - Michael brightens my world. We very rarely fight and the few times we have i've only loved him more the next day. He tells me my mummy tummy is beautiful, says he's proud of me, loves my cooking and encourages me to be a good wife and mother. I love him big lots!
3. My family - my people are good people. I'm really close to my immediate family - if any of them ever move away, i'm not really sure how i'd cope. Seriously, i see either my mum and dad, my little sister, or my brother and his family at least 4 times a week. When i need adult conversation during the day ( being home alone with a baby can make you a little mental ) my family are the first ones i turn to. And, having a best friend be someone you've had a falling out with and are still trying to get back on track with, my family are my best friends too.
4. The internet - it connects me to the world; it informs, educates and entertains me. Its my window to the world beyond my front door which, with a baby, i sometimes feel i'm not really a part of. I love you inter-web!
5. My slow cooker - best.invention.ever. Its so convenient to be able to put dinner on at lunchtime and not have to worry about it at the busy end of the day. Plus, succulent, moist, meat falling off the bone? Heaven...
6. Cooking in general - I've totally fallen in love with cooking in the last few months. I'd cooked before of course, but it had only ever been out of necessity. Now, i love the ritual of sitting down with recipe books and cooking magazines, planning the menu for the week, writing my shopping list, buying the produce and then cooking each meal. It fills me with some strange kind of satisfaction when i get a dish right, or when i get a compliment on it. I love compliments!
7. Naps - really simple: naps are refreshing, and there is nothing better in winter than being able to snuggle up with a blanket and go to sleep. If i'm tired enough, when Flynn sleeps, i sleep. Naps make my world a better, and much easier, place.
8. Pepsi Max - thirst quencher! I'm not a big drinker of alcohol: i know zero about wine, cant stomach beer, and only make myself a Midori and lemonade every blue moon. So when i need something sweet and fizzy, Pepsi Max is the go to. Apologies to my sisters boyfriend for sneaking cans from their fridge...
9. My father sense of humour -  this could technically come under " My Family " but my dads sense of humour deserves a spot all its own. He's the wittiest person i know and has a special brand of sarcasm and dryness that just tickles my funny bone. Couldnt live without it.
10. Ugg boots - dont look at me like that. Yes, they arent really fashionable, and no, i dont wear them down the street (much ). But they're comfy and warm and snuggly and those are the things that rock my world.

Monday, June 14, 2010

We Have Success!

So - Mick and I finally managed to make it to the cinema today, taking advantage of our public holiday Monday. See, we havent been to the movies since November last year ( the last film we saw at the cinema was " 2012 " ) and its something i really missed doing. I had planned on going to see " Avatar " with my father the day after Boxing Day last year ... but was interrupted but the birth of my son. Mick and I had planned to go 2 weeks ago but thats when i came down with that horrible 24 hour virus - and i didnt much fancy having to flee the cinema and run to toilet to throw up every 15 minutes. So when we noticed that the film we wanted to see was being shown in the cinema with the crying room today, we though why not pack up Flynn and we could all go to the movies together?

And so, with a bit of trepidation, we did. I put a few extra toys in Flynns bag, made sure he had a blanket in his pram ( why are cinemas always cold? ) and off we went to see " Robin Hood ". I'm not going to a review post or anything but suffice to say i enjoyed it. It was my kind of thing - epic, well shot, well acted ( despite ole Rusty's accent going in and out ) and its been left open to a sequel. Oh, and it also features the divine Cate Blanchett, who i think is just an acting goddess. What i really loved though was how well Flynn went. He was a little over-awed at the size of the screen to begin with but he fell asleep about 20 minutes into the movie and stayed asleep for over and hour. After the movie we bought some pies from our local bakery and had our lunch in the park.

So quite the successful outing. It gives me confidence that we can go out and do things with Flynn now that he's a little older without me worrying that he;s going to chuck some kind of big tantrum or go on a crying jag. The sanctuary of the crying room helps though of course :)