I'm a Victim Too

Watching all the coverage of the Henry Louis Gates incident has caused me to re-think what happened to me up there on the Maine/New Brunswick border. Could I have been a victim of redneck profiling? There I was, a typical white person heading for a Canadian vacation. I was wearing a T-shirt, driving a pickup truck with an NRA sticker declaring “I’m a bitter gun owner and I vote,” and two twelve-packs of beer in the back. My wife was with me, so I was obviously heterosexual. My profile fit more than one of those emails you get: “You might be a redneck if . . .”

In an earlier column I described how two border guards pulling all our stuff apart as they searched the truck. They found a book in the cab with a Christian theme my wife had been reading. When they found a box of .22 shells I’d left in the glove compartment, one of them ordered me to put my hands behind my head with my fingers laced and my toes pointed outward while he felt me all over, including my groin. Scores of motorists stared out their windows as they passed, like I was dangerous criminal or terrorist, or heterosexual white guy clinging bitterly to his guns and religion. Last year, President Obama warned liberals all over North America to be on the lookout for people like me when he said:

So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

There’s no denying I’ve been frustrated, especially after the last two elections. I’ve always clinged to my religion (except for some heathen years during my teens and twenties), and I’ve been clinging to my guns since liberals took over all of New England, including New Hampshire. When I look at the map of North America, I calculate that there aren’t many places near me where conservatives are in control anymore. For that, I’d have to drive all the way to Virginia. Driving north only brought me deeper into securely left-wing territory. Yeah I’m frustrated, and getting lonely too.

Then President Obama appointed Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security and she issued a memorandum to police chiefs all over America last spring warning them about what she considers “right-wing extremists,” or people seen as:

. . . rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority . . . It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.

Well I’m strongly against any federal authority not granted by the US Constitution - and there’s certainly been a lot of that lately. I’m strongly against abortion and illegal immigration too. Guess that makes me an “extremist” to the Obama Administration, and maybe the Canadian government as well.

Am I being paranoid when I consider that border guards might have run my license plate and discovered I have concealed weapons permits in Maine and New Hampshire? Did they know leftists have described dozens of my columns as “racist” when I’ve criticized Affirmative Action; “homophobic” when I’ve opposed gay rights or gay marriage; “sexist,” when I’ve criticized feminists; or “xenophobic” when I’ve opined against spending tax money to support illegal immigrants? Did they find out I’m the founder and president of HWGJA - the Heterosexual White Guy Journalists Association?

A few years ago, several of my columns were entered into evidence in a Maine courtroom as “Exhibit A, Exhibit B,” etc. - purportedly proving I was “homophobic." Local homosexual activists had twice dragged me into court on made-up charges and perjured themselves in an effort to shut me up. I was exonerated both times, but maybe those columns are in a database, still accessible to government.

I’ve been reported to the Maine Attorney General’s office for alleged hate crimes - not only by homosexuals, but also by Indians. When I wrote urging Mainers to vote no on a referendum allowing Indians build a casino, hundreds of them from all over the country sent emails, made phone calls, wrote letters to my school board, my superintendent, newpapers that published me, and to Maine’s teacher-licensing bureau claiming I was unfit to teach.

The referendum failed, I’m still teaching, and it’s been a while since “tolerant,” multicultural liberals threatened me with legal action. I thought I was going to be able to live a normal life until I got pulled over for “driving while redneck” at the border.