Looking back, looking forward, but not being able to see over the backyard fence

This time last week, I was standing on the highest point of the Great Wall of China. Form this vantage point it was possible to see the wall snaked over the hills for miles around. It was an awe-inspiring site, and despite the thousands of other people on the wall at the same time, it was a very moving moment in my life. I was at the end of a long week in China, guests of the China Nurse Fund. The purpose of the visit was to start discussions over how the School of Nursing & Midwifery at Salford could meet the postgraduate training and education needs of Chinese nurses. During the week I was very proud to be able to represent the School at the Chinese Nursing Association Centennial Celebration. The history of Nursing in China, matched our own development as a profession here in Europe. I was fascinated by the fact that nurses and nursing had survived some very different political context in China, and the practice of nursing was still held in high regard by the Chinese people.

This week I have been engaged in trying to look into the future and consider what our student numbers might be for the next fie years, and what might be the range of programmes we will be providing. Whilst there is a wealth of high quality data and information available and I am being supported in this task by some great minds on the School Executive, it is a remarkably difficult task. This really feels like a task that puts colleagues and myself in that space between knowledge and knowing – that is, not knowing.
And finally, I awoke this morning to a news item on the TV that took me through a back yard in a small suburb in San Francisco where a kidnapped girl had been held and, its alleged, abused for the past 18 years by a known sexual predator. The pictures were provided by Google Earth. Watching the story gave me pause for thought. Once the Great Wall of China was a marvel because it was said it could be seen from outer space. Google Earth now makes it possible to look into everyone’s back yard. So why, with all this progress did the neighbours in this case find it so difficult to look over the fence and see what was going on.

We're Going On A BabyMoon!

Yes you read that correctly - a babymoon. What the boojesus is a babymoon you ask ? Its the holiday you take before your baby arrives. I read a few articles in some pregnancy magazines mentioning women who'd been on that last little holiday as a couple, so I mentioned it to Mr Gil and now we're off to a little place called Shelly Beach on the central coast of New South Wales ( note: NSW is the state we live in here in Australia. We only 5 , plus two territories. Big country split into biiiiiiiig sections.... ).

I'm looking forward to it - it will be the first time Mr Gil and i have gone away together, just the two of us, not to visit family..... and it will also be the last for a long time. We're only going away for a long weekend so its not a long time but i'm determined to make the most of it. Sleep ins, long lunches, time at the beach, throw in some touristy type stuff and a couple of romantic dinners and voila!

A great weekend with a great guy will make me a very happy and contented pregnant lady....

When Citizens Are Ready, Leaders Appear

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.”

Attributed variously to Confucianism, Buddhism or Taoism, the phrase resonates in several aspects of my late-middle-age life. As a veteran teacher, I know there’s truth in it. If the student isn’t ready, and many of my charges each year are not, it’s my job to entice, cajole, stimulate, or arouse them - but I cannot force anyone to learn. I cannot successfully impose my will on anybody else either. Using raw power may appear to work temporarily, but if the subject of my efforts cannot be convinced that my ideas are best for him or her, they will inevitably backfire and the situation will be worse than if I had left it alone.

I’ve accepted this only after years of stubbornly trying as teacher, father, husband, friend, and citizen to force things. In the case of young children, the mentally handicapped, the violently insane, or criminals, it’s necessary to restrain them lest they hurt themselves or others, but for everyone else? Best leave them alone to learn for themselves. When three-year-olds say “I want to do it myself!” it’s best to let them - even if it will take longer, won’t work as well and will make a mess. That’s true for citizens as well. It’s always better to let people do for themselves than have government do anything for them.

The Founding Fathers who wrote our Constitution knew these things and incorporated them into their plan of government - which they saw as a necessary evil that should be kept as small as possible so it would interfere as little as possible with the way people choose to live. In the Preamble they said their intentions were to: “establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity.” Those “blessings of liberty” were spelled out two years later in the Bill of Rights. Beyond that, government should not go. If the Founders’ intention to strictly limit government weren’t plain enough, the 10th Amendment was their final statement: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.”

Leftist Democrat do-gooders now running our government don’t understand this. They’re determined to “save” us when we want to be left alone. They’re convinced they know better than we do what’s best for us. In his column last Sunday, George Will described them well:

"Even more than the New Deal and the Great Society, Obama's agenda expresses the mentality of a class that was nascent in the 1930s but burgeoned in the 1960s and 1970s. The spirit of that class is described in Saul Bellow's 1975 novel ‘Humboldt's Gift.’ In it Bellow wrote that the modern age began when a particular class of people decided, excitedly, that life had ‘lost the ability to arrange itself’:
‘It had to be arranged. Intellectuals took this as their job. ... This arranging has been the one great gorgeous tantalizing misleading disastrous project. A man like Humboldt, inspired, shrewd, nutty, was brimming over with the discovery that the human enterprise, so grand and infinitely varied, had now to be managed by exceptional persons. He was an exceptional person, therefore he was an eligible candidate for power.’”

Exceptional leftists are in power now, and they’ve been vigorously arranging our lives since last January. Now they’re flabbergasted to learn their constituents are pissed at them. Judging from expressions on their faces as voters express exasperation in town hall meetings, they seem to be thinking: “If you only knew how exceptionally smart and nice I am, you wouldn’t talk to me that way.” That’s how Congressman Jim Baird looked when a constituent named David William Hedrick said angrily: “It’s not your right to decide whether I keep my current [medical] plan or not.”

Although invited, my congressmen and senators didn’t attend a townhall meeting organized Tuesday night and attended by 450 constituents in central Maine. Senator Olympia Snowe and Congressman Mike Michaud were “too busy.” Senator Susan Collins didn’t even respond and voters voiced frustrations at photographs.

As I said in my column two weeks ago, something big is brewing out there. It’s grassroots uprising of people telling government “Stop! We want to do it ourselves!” They’re sick of intellectuals arranging everything for everybody with their money. Obama promised to heal red state/blue state divisions, but that isn’t happening. After only a few short months of his presidency, citizens in many states are trying to pull the 10th Amendment out of mothballs and nullify federal efforts to usurp state and popular sovereignty. Texas governor Jim Perry has even mentioned secession.

It’s true that when the student is ready the teacher appears. It’s also true that when citizens are ready, leaders appear. The 2010 elections are going to be very interesting indeed.

Another Weekend By The Numbers

2 - slices of chocolate Toblerone cheesecake ( made by yours truely ) that i ate on Friday night.

900 - approximate number of calories contained within those slices. My belly is growing anyway - what do i care about calories?

104 - dollars spent on maternity pants. Yes, i bought maternity clothes last weeked but you know what ? I have since discovered that my work pants no longer do up without the help of a saftey pin and my jeans just arent comfortable shoved all the way down below my hips.

45 - approximate number of minutes spent sorting, folding, and putting away the washing on Saturday afternoon. I was trying to tidy up a bit before Mr Gil's sister and brother-in-law came for a visit. They arrived just as i got to folding the underwear....

2 - movies watched this weekend: " Pride and Glory " with Edward Norton and Colin Farrell on DVD, and " My Sisters Keeper " with Cameron Diaz and Abigail Breslin at the cinema.

26 - approximate number of times i broke into tears whilst watching " My Sisters Keeper ". You should not watch a movie like that, with your mother, when you're pregnant - its just far too upsetting.

80 - minutes spent in the sunshine, watching my brothers soccer semi-final.

0 - number of goals scored by my brothers opposition. His team won the game, 2-0. Go the Wanderers!

1 - number of times i applied sunscreen before hitting the sunshine. Did i re-apply ? No. Did i get sunburnt ? Sure did. Does that suck ? Yes indeedy.

6 - number of berry and chocolate mousse parfaits i made for Sunday nights dessert - one each for Mr Gil's parents, and two for each of us! I didnt exactly tell the Mr Gil-in-laws that we had extras though - naughty me....

Domestication

My sister-in-law told me that once she got halfway through her pregnancy she couldnt stop cleaning her house. I said that that would never happen to me - anyone who knows me knows that i have an aversion to cleaning, or manic cleaning anyway. I'm happy to have my my house look " lived in " - not slovenly, but a few pairs of shoes by the front door and a pile of unfolded washing in the spare lounge chair dont faze me.

Well - not anymore. Its come as a slight suprise to me that in the past few weeks i've come across a nesting gene i didnt think i had. I dont think its because i'm pregnant though - i'm putting it down to trying to impress Mr Gil. Actually, i dont think that impress is the right word. Its just that we're living together as a couple and we're starting a family and i feel the need to keep the house tidier now. No, i'm not prescribing to feminine values of the 50's ( have his meal when he gets home ? Run him a bath ? Making sure the kids are seen and not heard ? Uh...nuh ) its just that its something i can do in the domestic partnership.

For eg - i cook most nights, so he does the dishes. If he puts a load of washing on, i hang it out. If he's outside mowing the lawn, i'll be inside cleaning the bathroom. Or whatever.

So there you have it - i've become domesticated. Like a dog. But not like a cat - thos bastards are malicious, evil little things....

Moving Pictures

So, here's a development for you - just in the last few days or so i've been able to feel my baby move. How exciting! I'm not quite sure how to describe it exactly but lets put it this way : it slike my tummy is a fishbowl and the baby is a little fish, flitting around in there and occasionally crashing into the sides. I think my bub must like doing underwater yoga or something because since i've been able to notice, i've realised its quite the hive of activity in there. In fact, i have what a sonographer described as " a wriggler ".

At least thats what i was told at my 19 week scan on Monday afternoon. Mr Gil and i were in with the sonographer for 40 minutes, during which time the baby twisted and turned, flipped and flopped... and pretty much did anything but stay still. She found it quite amusing though - rather than get frusturated that it wouldnt stay still long enough to concentrate on any one body part, she just took little pictures of the head, or the heart, or the leg etc whenever she could. IT was cute to watch too : we got to see the baby yawn, and wiggle its bottom and curl up with its fists under its feet ( hence the yoga, see ? ).

And just quickly - what else were we told at our scan ? The gender of our baby....

Searching For Perfection

Some adolescent thought patterns have become a little bit clearer to me after decades of teaching history to idealistic teenagers. For example, many start perceiving their parents’ flaws and their disdain for those flaws sometimes manifests as rebellion. Having heretofore seen their parents as perfect, the newly-perceived foibles often become magnified. Then they see defects in everybody and figure there’s no point in trying to improve anymore because perfection is unattainable. Others rebel because they still believe humans can achieve perfection both as individuals and, collectively, as a society - and become intolerant of anything less. They will roll their eyes in disapproval and walk fifty paces behind parents in public. Criticism of parental blemishes becomes quite fashionable with their peers.

By their twenties, most lighten up on their parents as they accept that no human is perfect, but persist in their belief that a perfect society is attainable. If their government doesn’t successfully anticipate all difficulties, for example, or doesn’t fix them immediately after they occur, then it’s incompetent in their eyes. At this point, their acidic parental disdain is transfered to their imperfect government and it’s fashionable to run it down. Yet they persist in thinking flawed people can create a flawless method of ruling society in which everyone is nice and generous works hard for the good of everyone else. All get whatever they need - free education, health care, housing, food, transportation - and government pays for it all by taxing those who produce the most. It’s a socialist pipe dream of course, but a persistent one among liberals young and old.

Liberals don’t consider themselves communists, but will speak of it wistfully and belief in the communist ideal of “From each according to his ability, and to each, according to his need,” dies hard. Although communism has failed miserably wherever it’s been tried, that’s only because it wasn’t applied properly, they insist. If only the right people had been in charge, it would have worked nicely.

The optimistic enthusiasm of youth is valuable for our culture and energizing for us all. Every society needs it, and it's one of the things that keeps this old teacher coming back each year. As Winston Churchill said: “If you’re not a liberal when you’re twenty, you have no heart. If you’re still a liberal when you’re forty, you have no brain.” Youthful idealism has its place and works best when it’s guided by the wisdom of experience. When I teach students about today’s political spectrum, for example, and explain that I used to be liberal and now I’m conservative, they ask what made me change. My short answer is: “I grew up.”

Thankfully, the Constitution creating our republic was written by men who had grown up, and that’s why it has lasted this long. A guiding principle as they wrote was their conviction that humans are flawed, and exercise of government power must be checked and balanced and decentralized - and, that people will be most productive when pursuing our own happiness.

The curriculum I’m responsible to teach is 20th century US History and one of the strongest dynamics in that hundred years is the struggle between our free enterprise system and the rise of communism. In the second half of the century, the Cold War was its principal dynamic. To help them understand communism’s appeal, I use The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Communism, which starts by describing utopian communes springing up and dying out in Europe and America in the mid-19th century. Among these were Shakers, Amana communities, Rappites, Brook Farm, Oneida, and others. Some lasted many decades and others were flashes in the pan, but all diminished to the point of extinction, or close to it. There’s only one remnant, for example, of Shakers in Poland, Maine, not far from where I teach. Presented are many different examples of how flawed people attempted to create perfect societies. When during the 20th century communism was attempted on a grand scale in the Soviet Union, it collapsed dramatically after seven decades. In China, it’s morphing into a government-controlled capitalism.

A few students each year think communism could never be a realistic method of running a country. They intuit the classic criticism that it sounds good, but won’t work because people will not push themselves much when the benefit of their labor goes to others. Playing devil’s advocate, I’ll point out that their parents’ labor is mostly for their benefit, and that fact gives them pause. They eventually conclude that, outside a family, communist ideas are not feasible. At this point, they’re ready to accept Winston Churchill’s declaration that: “Democracy is a the worst form of government, except for all those others that have been tried.”

The young liberals I teach have a lot of heart and I’m looking forward to another crop of them next month. Meanwhile, I find myself wishing, as Churchill did in his time, that the older ones now running our government had more brains.

The Return of: A Weekend By The Numbers

6 - slices of pizza that i ate for dinner on Friday night. And i was scrounging around my parents fridge for a nice piece of fruit after that. This eating for two thing is just weird...

$132 - approximate number of dollars i spent on the lay-by i picked up Saturday morning. All maternity clothes - 2 tank tops, i skirt, i cute top and a maternity pack containing a t-shirt, singlet, a pair of leggings and a tummy band.

35 - minutes spent cleaning the bathroom. I swear the previous homeowners must have barely ever cleaned it - there are rust stains on the floor of the shower recess and faint brown marks in the bathtub that just wont come up with regular cleaners. Its going to have to be industrial strength!

4 - hours that Mr Gil and i spent " out " on Saturday night. My brother and sister-in-law invited us to meet them down at one of the locals pubs for a drink and to see a band; we said sure, we might come for an hour or so. An hour turned into 4 hours and a pretty enjoyable night...

0 - the number of alcoholic drinks i consumed whilst at the pub. I'm a good pregnant lady, see ?

10 - am, the time we rolled out of bed after our little night out. Not too shabby for a Sunday morning.

150 - approximate number of minutes i spent in the sunshine over the entire weekend. Mr Gil and I decided to tackle all our outdoor jobs while the weather was unseasonably warm. Saturday he mowed the lawn whilst i hung out ( and brought in ) a few loads of washing; Sunday he watered the lawn while i swept the front and back verandahs, and then we both planted the first seeds in our vegie patch.

1 - movie watched - " Paul Blart: Mall Cop "

93 - minutes, running time of said movie.

2 and 45 - hour and minutes that it took us to actually get it watched. We kept pressing pause so we could jump up and check the roast that was in the oven ( Mr Gil ), or go to the bathroom ( Me ) or take a quick trip to the supermarket to pick up teh gravy we forgot to buy earlier...

Aww, welcome back Weekend By The Numbers!

Meeting Bin Laden, Pigs and Badgers and leaving for China

It has been a while since I last posted a blog. Aplogies - I am determined to become better at posting in a more regular fashion. Part of the problem is the almost unrelenting stream of other distractions that I seem to have to contend with on an almost daily basis. For example the other day, I met a man, he was a defendant in the Magistrates Court I was sitting in as a JP, who insisted on being referred to as Bin Laden. This resulted in an interesting encounter (at least for me) – on one hand I needed him to acknowledge who he was (as per his birth certificate) so that the case could move forward, but challenging his insistence that he was not a world renowned terrorist proved futile and he gradually became more and more angry and excitable – to the point where he was taken back down to the cells and I was able to continue the business without him being there. I wondered why he felt that he wanted to be known by such a despicable name. There did not seem to be any evidence of a mental health problem, but he was clearly very angry at someone, something and perhaps this was his way of letting the world know. He was in court charged with two very serious crimes and as these allegations matched his previous history of offending, he was eventually remanded in custody with the matters all being sent to the Crown Court. His appearance in my court lingered in my thinking for some time afterward.

I could still hear him and see him in my mind for the first few days of holiday in Scotland. I am fortunate to be able to rent a cottage right on the edge of the Solway Firth at Kippford. There is little else to do but watch the tide come in and then go out. However, the badgers in the area had bred since I was last there and in the evening I was able to watch mother and three young cubs come out to feed in the garden. Given the time of the year it was still light at 10pm and out they would come and gobble up all the peanut butter sandwiches I made (and any leftovers from the evening meal). It made for a magical end to the day. I was there for six days and every night they came and ate.

I wondered what it was that concerned badgers.

Having read about B+Q considering selling pigs sty’s to cash in on the ‘lets get back to the good life’ craze currently sweeping recession struck Britain, I had to wonder at the number of pigs who would end up spending many a miserable hour before their owners eventually got rid of them. So far this year I have been asked to re-home three sets of chickens from people who thought it would be good to keep half a dozen hens for the eggs and then realized it was actually a little bit more difficult to do so then simply buying your free range eggs from Sainsbury’s (an interesting aside, Stephen Fry on Radio 4 this week: - the purpose of Sainsbury’s is to keep the riff raff out of Waitrose). Anyway, I asked if we could have a pig at home. I am still awaiting a response, I will keep you posted.

I am writing this in the waiting area of Manchester Airport – off to China to discuss how we might work together in the future to develop nurses in China and opportunities for UK nurses to practice in China. I am sure this will not be the last such meetings, China presents a huge opportunity for the development of new relationships and the extension of our community of practice. I will (hopefully) keep you posted.

The 7 Things I Hate About Lady Gaga

Alright, yes - so i paraphrased the title of a Miley Cyrus song. But Miley Cyrus for all her tweensy cuteness and fake drama is sooooo much more tolerable ( to me ) than stupid Lady Gaga. Sometimes you dislike a singer or a band or an actor and you dont really know why - you just cant put your finger on it. Yea - well i can. Here, in a rough order, are the 7 reasons why i really just dont like the artist known as " Lady Gaga ":

7. She thinks her persona and her music are completely original. Innovative. Unable to be put into any one genre. Bah! The controversial outifts and styling ? This lady named Madonna - i dont know, you might have heard of her - did all that first. And as for the music .... lets just say the first time i heard " Papparazzi " on teh radio i thought it was Gwen Stefani. And now that i've said that, you can al totally picture Gwen ( or Katy Perry, or a desperate Kylie Minogue ) singing any one of Lady's songs.
6. She calls herself " Lady Gaga ". We all know she has a real name, and sure there are plenty of other famous people with stage names - but who is so pretentious as to name themselves " Lady " anything ? It could denote aristocracy or it could allude to her feminine manners .... although i dont think someone who constantly appears in public wearing only a leotard has a claim to either of those. In fact, i like to refer to her as Lady Gag - as in thats what she makes me do. Gag.
5. She carries a tea cup. And why does she carry the tea cup ? Is it to carry on the pretention mentioned in the previous bullet point ? No - apparently she did it to make the tea cup famous and thus prove the ridiculousness of fame. All it proved to me is that Lady Gaga herself s ridiculous. And lame.
4. Also, she refers to her tea cup as a " she ". Its bad enough that she carried one around, but she also refers to an inanimate object as a particular gender. I wonder if it has a name, and whether she's afraid of revealing it in case the tea cup becomes more famous than her. What would its name be - Lady Bone China ?
3. She went through a phase of having " cupids bow " lips painted on. Listen, your not Louise Brooks. And your not a Japanese geisha ( although i'm sure i've just given her an idea for her next video clip ). So i just want to tell you getting around in that stupid hat with her stupid painted on lips and carrying your stupid tea cup is.... Stupid.
2. The line " I wanna take a ride on your disco stick ". Seriously ? I dont think i really need to elaborate on this one.

And the number one thing i hate about Lady Gaga ?
1. She doesnt wear pants. We all know how i feel about leggings as pants. But Ms Gaga doesnt even bother with the leggings - its no pants day, every day, at Gaga's house. She constantly photographed in either a leotard or a bustier.... and shoes. Carrying a tea cup. But wearing no pants. Therefore, i cannot even contemplate seeing eye to eye with her.

People who insist on pants-less-ness are my enemies.....

*NOTE* I refuse to post a picture of the pants-less-ness. No. Freaking. Way.

Something Big Is Brewing Out There

Something big is brewing out there. People are stirring. Perhaps the elections of 2006 and 2008 weren’t so bad if Americans can see now what happens when the left takes over government. A backlash is forming sooner and stronger than I expected. Though I’m not sure what will ultimately emerge, I sense that a major realignment is beginning.

Even more surprised are left/liberal Democrats, and let’s face it, that’s the only kind of Democrat left in the 21st century, so I’ll just call them Democrats from here on. They can’t understand what’s happening and they’re applying the same old formulas to counteract it. But it’s not working. They’re trying to spin it as a right-wing plot to hurt President Obama or orchestrated by greedy insurance companies. Local Republican organizations are trying to get out in front of the uprising, but it’s definitely a grassroots phenomenon.

Congressmen are afraid to meet their constituents. Traditional August town hall meetings in local districts are being cancelled. Some will answer questions only via “tele-town hall meetings” so they can hang up the phone when it get tough and their mealy-mouthed cowardice won’t be broadcast on YouTube. Others like Rep. Russ Carnahan D-MO bring union thugs to strong-arm angry voters against Obamacare or his “Cap and Trade” bill. It’s clear that ordinary citizens are more familiar with the legislation than the congressmen elected to vote on it. Some, like Rep. John Conyers, D-MI, are indignant at voter insistence that they actually read the bills. Rookies like Nicki Tsongas D-MA say they won’t use the healthcare plan they want to impose on the rest of us. As Hotair.com says, “At least she’s honest.” Maine’s whole congressional delegation is wimping out, opting for the cowardly “telephone town hall,” and it looks like New Hampshire’s is too. Democrats are in shock. Anyone predicting this only two months ago would have been laughed at.

With few exceptions, Republicans have been spineless since their defeat last November. Intimidated by Obama’s popularity, they withheld criticism until the uprising began. But I suspect it’s too late to get out in front of the parade and pretend to lead it, even though Democrats claim they started it. Wherever I go, people ask me who is out there to lead conservatives. I tell them I don’t know, but I’m confident leaders will emerge. Sometimes I suggest a current office-holder like little-known Congressman Thaddeus McCotter R-MI who has impressed me the few times I’ve heard him. He’s not an orator, but seems a confident, common-sense conservative. Maybe his low-key style will work after four years of slick speechifying. Too early to say though.

The rebellion has emerged during a curious coincidence of bubble-bursting with President Obama the biggest bubble. Many Obama voters, afflicted with white guilt, sought relief by voting for a black president. When his orchestrated remarks on the Henry Louis Gates incident backfired, his “racial healer” persona disintegrated.

Other voters fell in love with whatever it was Obama represented to them, but after seeing and hearing him every day for months, they’re realizing he’s not what they thought. He’s spending our money, our children’s money, and our grandchildren’s money while the economy gets worse. With Obamacare, he would control another 18% of it, spend another trillion or two we don’t have, and institute health-care rationing. Cap and Trade would raise energy prices 20%. Like a woman seduced by a character out of a romance novel who later discovers her paramour is a slick-talking opportunist who only wants her money, Americans are feeling a huge let-down. If it’s true that “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” it explains the grassroots fury our congressmen and senators, who were riding Obama’s coattails, are seeing. Inflated by adoring media, Obama’s bubble rose so high and so fast, it was almost inevitable that it would crash and burn like the Hindenburg, but what will his collapse mean for our country?

Obama promised “change you can believe in” and people are seeing change all right - but they don’t believe in any of it. They’re declaring their dissatisfaction very loudly and they won’t shut up. Most of what Obama and Congress have done so far can be undone, albeit painfully, but should nationalized healthcare pass, it would likely become permanent.

This uprising will probably continue to strengthen, but will Republicans benefit? Maybe. They’re certainly trying to take advantage, but they had their chance back in 2000 and they muffed it. That’s still fresh in the public mind. What could emerge is an entirely new political movement.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

The Unveiling

Alright - so i spent a few hours trolling websites looking for a free Blogger skins and this ( God, please tell me you noticed! ) is what i came up with. Why the fish ? Well, i have goldfish and i liked the imagery of the one goldfish making the leap from the bowl. I'm making a leap right ? Sure, i've been leaping for quite a damn while and havent exactly landed yet, and when i do land my fishbowl wont be empty ( it'll have a partner and a baby fish in it! ) but still - it said something to me. So there you have it - i've gone from Lauren Bacall to goldfish. Decide for yourself whether that was the right direction to take.



Now, as far as this new regular feature i mentioned.... i'm having a baby, i like children, kids are great. So, in that vein, why not celebrate them ? So, here it is:

" INSOMNIATIC MUSINGS CHILD OF THE MONTH "

NAME: Bartholomew Jojo Simpson ( aka " Bart " )

AGE: 10 years ( and has been since 1989.... )

HOMETOWN: Springfield, SomeStateNo-oneKnows, USA

REASON FOR FEATURING: Bart gets to be my first featured child of the month basically because he's the most famous 10 year old in the world. Right ? I'm pretty sure even children in war torn 3rd world countries know who is. So what do we know about him? He's the eldest of the Simpson children; he has mad skateboarding skills; his hero is Krusty the Clown; he had a number one hit in the 90's with " Do The Bartman "; and, suprisingly enough, he's voiced by a woman.

Bart has always been my equal favourite Simpsons character ( its hard to go past Homer... ). In fact, when i was around 10 years of age my self, my parents banned my brother and I from watching the Simpsons because they thought Bart had too much of an influence on our behaviour. Which, lets face it, cant be that good - he's a smart arse ( " Eat my shorts! ), he pays little attention at school and revels in raising hell for Principal Skinner, and just does naughty things in general ( hello prank calls to Moes Tavern! ). But that doesnt mean Bart doesnt have a heart of gold. We've seen it from time to time - helping Grandpa find the Hellfsih Bonanza; getting Lisa's yearbook signed by the " cool kids " on vacation; and taking up bike riding and tea-partying with Marge when no-one else would. THAT'S why i love him: he's mischevious and rebellious and sometimes downright rude, but when it comes down to it he's a little sweetheart.

And so, thats the first of my Child of the Month feature posts. The child of the month may be a fiction character from either tv, film or literature; a particularly talented or prodigious real world child; or just a kid i know that i reckon deserves a write up. So, in the spirit of keeping it interesting for the rest of you, if you have a candidate that you'd like featured that fits that bill, drop me a comment and let me know!

Everyone Loves A Makeover!

Alright - so here's the thing : i'm beginning to believe my blog has become boring. Not just the theme and colour scheme ( blue? blah! ), but the writing too. I was reading some of my old posts, my back catalogue if you will and i realised something:

I've lost my funny.

Not that i'm saying i was ever, like, Tina Fey funny. Or Nick Hornby funny. Hell, i wasnt even WildARSChase funny. But i like to think i had a certain wit, a certain quirk, a certain way of looking at the world that was sometimes amusing. And its gone. And that, my friends, sucks arse. Big time.

And so, i'm gonna try changing things up. Why not? My " real " world is changing at a rapid pace and what is my blog if not a reflection of my reality ? I've looked at the blogs i love - and the blogs i'd love to be - and i've taken some of the things i really love about them on board. Or at least i'm going to try to.... who knows, this makeover could fail big time. It could be a make-under as it were - i could go from Charlize Theron in " Cider House Rules " to Charlize Theron in " Monster ". Frankly, thats not a prospect most of us would be looking forward to ( you know, unless you were totally into the idea of making out with Christina Ricci and, umm, killing unsuspecting men. )

Look out tomorrow for the maiden post of what i would like to make a regular " feature " and stay tuned to see if i can work out how to give myself some kind of cool colour scheme ( doubtful, but i'll give it a shot )!

I'm a Victim Too

Watching all the coverage of the Henry Louis Gates incident has caused me to re-think what happened to me up there on the Maine/New Brunswick border. Could I have been a victim of redneck profiling? There I was, a typical white person heading for a Canadian vacation. I was wearing a T-shirt, driving a pickup truck with an NRA sticker declaring “I’m a bitter gun owner and I vote,” and two twelve-packs of beer in the back. My wife was with me, so I was obviously heterosexual. My profile fit more than one of those emails you get: “You might be a redneck if . . .”

In an earlier column I described how two border guards pulling all our stuff apart as they searched the truck. They found a book in the cab with a Christian theme my wife had been reading. When they found a box of .22 shells I’d left in the glove compartment, one of them ordered me to put my hands behind my head with my fingers laced and my toes pointed outward while he felt me all over, including my groin. Scores of motorists stared out their windows as they passed, like I was dangerous criminal or terrorist, or heterosexual white guy clinging bitterly to his guns and religion. Last year, President Obama warned liberals all over North America to be on the lookout for people like me when he said:

So it’s not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.

There’s no denying I’ve been frustrated, especially after the last two elections. I’ve always clinged to my religion (except for some heathen years during my teens and twenties), and I’ve been clinging to my guns since liberals took over all of New England, including New Hampshire. When I look at the map of North America, I calculate that there aren’t many places near me where conservatives are in control anymore. For that, I’d have to drive all the way to Virginia. Driving north only brought me deeper into securely left-wing territory. Yeah I’m frustrated, and getting lonely too.

Then President Obama appointed Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security and she issued a memorandum to police chiefs all over America last spring warning them about what she considers “right-wing extremists,” or people seen as:

. . . rejecting federal authority in favor of state or local authority . . . It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration.

Well I’m strongly against any federal authority not granted by the US Constitution - and there’s certainly been a lot of that lately. I’m strongly against abortion and illegal immigration too. Guess that makes me an “extremist” to the Obama Administration, and maybe the Canadian government as well.

Am I being paranoid when I consider that border guards might have run my license plate and discovered I have concealed weapons permits in Maine and New Hampshire? Did they know leftists have described dozens of my columns as “racist” when I’ve criticized Affirmative Action; “homophobic” when I’ve opposed gay rights or gay marriage; “sexist,” when I’ve criticized feminists; or “xenophobic” when I’ve opined against spending tax money to support illegal immigrants? Did they find out I’m the founder and president of HWGJA - the Heterosexual White Guy Journalists Association?

A few years ago, several of my columns were entered into evidence in a Maine courtroom as “Exhibit A, Exhibit B,” etc. - purportedly proving I was “homophobic." Local homosexual activists had twice dragged me into court on made-up charges and perjured themselves in an effort to shut me up. I was exonerated both times, but maybe those columns are in a database, still accessible to government.

I’ve been reported to the Maine Attorney General’s office for alleged hate crimes - not only by homosexuals, but also by Indians. When I wrote urging Mainers to vote no on a referendum allowing Indians build a casino, hundreds of them from all over the country sent emails, made phone calls, wrote letters to my school board, my superintendent, newpapers that published me, and to Maine’s teacher-licensing bureau claiming I was unfit to teach.

The referendum failed, I’m still teaching, and it’s been a while since “tolerant,” multicultural liberals threatened me with legal action. I thought I was going to be able to live a normal life until I got pulled over for “driving while redneck” at the border.

Love-ly Distractions

So - i've been thinking: its been a rough couple of weeks for me, what with itchy skin, then appendicitis and abdominal surgery, and just in the past 4 or 5 days i've developed some pretty strong pain in my lower back and hips. I dont want to complain too much because a bazillion women have been pregnant before me, and apparently the back and hip pain is pretty damn common.... but hey, knowing all that doesnt make it any less annoying. However, in the spirit of loving my pregnancy, and loving my body, and loving my life i thought it might be nice to set down a list of 5 things that i'm loving right now ( and are distracting me from the twinges in my back and hips. Stupid twinges. )

1. Facials: and we may aswell count massage in this category aswell. I've just came back from having an organic facial and upper body massage this morning and i have to tell you - it was bliss. Anybody who has ever had a professional facial or massage is feeling me on this, and anyone who hasnt - well, you people are missing out. If you can get past the fact that a stranger is touching you in a somewhat intimate way ( and sometimes in somewhat intimate places... ) then an hour set aside for a massage is the perfect " me " time. I'm thinking i might go once a month from now til the bubba arrives.


2. Shemar Moore : Need i say anything but - look at him ? Yes, i'm in a committed and very loving relationship with Mr Gil but Mr Moore over there is a nice little piece of " look, but dont touch " eye candy. You know how when you're in a relationship each partner gets to have a " list " ? The list of fantasy partners that they would theoretically be given a free card to sleep with if you had the chance ? I havent told Mr Gil yet, but Shemar Moore is totally on my list. Gimme, gimme... gimme, gimme Moore!


3. Garlic : Hello, pregnancy cravings! Rather than crave icecream with pickles or chocolate coated onions ( or any other disgusting concoction you can come up with .... ), i've been craving garlic. Specifically garlic bread, but meals with a good garlick-y component will suffice. I've heard that too much garlic in the third trimester will give me heartburn. And i've also heard that a lot of heartburn gives you a baby born with a lot of hair. So best i can figure is:
Garlic + 3rd tri = heartburn = fluffy headed baby.
Whats wrong with that ? If its a fluffy headed boy, i am so styling his hair up like Wolverine!

4. Reading: So simple, but something i dont always take time out for. Of course i've been reading a lot on pregnancy lately - pregnancy and parenting magazines, health care guides, pregnancy specific websites - but i'm talking more about books. Novels. Literature. I went through a major love affair with reading this past December/January : i knocked over " Pride and Prejudice ", " Jane Eyre ", " Perfume: The Story of a Murderer " and " Everything is Illuminated " all in that two month period and then i took a brief break before starting " Lolita ". It was a great book, but when it was finished the passion for devouring books had vanished. Well - its back baby! I finished " Sense and Sensibility " last night and now i'm on the prowl for the next great literary adventure....

5. Naps - the naps are soon to dry up ( seeing as i'm allowed back to work next week ) but for the last fortnight or so they've been a blessing. Everyone loves a good nap right ? People who say they dont need them or think napping is lazy - poo to you! Naps are a great way to spend a lazy winter afternoon when your home alone, plus they have restorative powers. At least, thats what i'm sticking with!

SLU

The Last week in July was SLU- Student Leadership University. It a week of leadership course work that brings young leaders from around the country together to learn how/why/when to lead plus other cool stuff. A bonus for the week is that we got to go to Sea World and Universal/IOA on two of the days. It was so much fun and I had a blast with the group from church that I went with.

Welcome to my first blog – actually, it is my second blog. The first never got posted. I was asked to create a blog and describe a recent trip to South Africa. I was presenting a couple of papers at the ICN conference. In any event, I started my blog and soon realized that it was a lot more difficult than one imagines - so it never got posted.

What do you write about (is that the correct terminology?)?

There was plenty of material from the conference.

It was the largest conference I have ever been too, some 6000 delegates + our CNO… …sitting there every morning at breakfast…

…sometimes you can have too much of a good thing.

The first paper I presented was to a small select group of about 60 delegates. Well that was at the start of the paper – almost immediately another 30 delegates joined us – and yes of course I was pleased. 20 minutes later there were some 300 people in the room, nobody could move, the room was gridlocked.

Nobody was actually there for me and I realised that on this occasion I was rather insignificant and surplus to requirements. Those of you who know me will easily understand how uncomfortable this realisation would have made me feel.

So you can imagine my total relief to watch the Andrew Marr show this morning, (who was that woman and why does he need to take a month to find the sun?) and hear that Harriet Harmon, standing in for Gordon, passionately advocating the need for both men and women to be involved in managing any organisation.

I think she was reported in the Times to have said something like men alone were incapable of running any organisation. Our School Executive is made up of 13 wonderful individuals. There are 12 females and one male (me) – Phew a sense of equilibrium has returned.