Sensitivity Credits

Former President Bill Clinton has been cashing in Sensitivity Credits (SCs) as he plays hatchet man for his wife’s campaign. He's criticising Barack Obama - a member of a protected minority within his own party and that's a no-no for Democrats. You can do it, but you have to have a lot of SCs in the bank to pay for it and he's already used up quite a few. Will he get away with it? Time will tell.

Sensitivity Credits are something like Carbon Credits (CCs) for liberals. You remember them: they give people like Al Gore the ability to cruise around the world in private, carbon-producing jets while preaching “The End Is Near!” in the form of the global warming he insists is caused by people doing exactly what he’s doing - cruising around the world in carbon-producing, private jets. He’s not a hypocrite as long has he has enough Carbon Credits to cash in.

Who invented CCs? I think it was Al Gore, a decade or two after he invented the Internet. Where do you get CCs? It’s rather mysterious actually. One way to accumulate them, apparently, is by preaching the Chicken Little litany of horrible things imminently threatening the earth’s survival because of global warming. When Gore attends a Chicken Little summit meeting like the recent one in Davos, Switzerland, he earns more CCs than he expends by traveling to and fro. There are plenty left over to offset his huge, private residences which use far more energy than the average American’s home. The same would be true for all the other attendees - the Hollywood types who comprise Gore’s amen corner. They too earn a surplus of CCs which more than offset their extravagant, carbon-producing lifestyles and enable them to escape the label of hypocrite in the eyes of the Mainstream Media (MSM) personalities who laud them and live similar lifestyles themselves. If writings like this give them qualms by questioning the convenience of this mutual admiration society, they can limit themselves to one sheet of toilet paper per sitting or buy a Toyota Prius to assuage their guilt.

For ordinary people who worry that the sky is falling because of Global Warming, they can earn CCs by starting a compost pile, riding a bicycle to work, or buying a solar-powered vibrator at Treehugger.com.

Who invented Sensitivity Credits (SCs)? I don’t know exactly. I came up with the term but they’ve existed for quite a while. If Carbon Credits (CCs) enable one to escape charges of environmental hypocrisy, then Sensitivity Credits enable users to engage in the kind of behavior that would otherwise be labeled racist, sexist, bigoted, homophobic, and so forth, if anyone without a cache of SCs were to engage in it.

How can one accumulate SCs? A president can earn more than the average citizen by vetoing bills that restrict abortion or signing those which would benefit women, minorities, or homosexuals. President Clinton amassed a huge pile of SCs this way and added to it every time he bit his lip on camera. Ordinary citizens can accumulate a few here and there by voting Democrat, contributing to the ACLU, wearing AIDS Awareness ribbons, celebrating Black History Month, becoming vegetarian, promoting animal rights, attending Gay Pride parades, and eating Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

There are some peculiar guidelines, however, about people who are eligible to possess Sensitivity Credits. There exists a kind of Affirmative Action program for minorities, especially blacks, in that they seem to be born with an account in place by virtue of color. They get passes for degrading women both in their lifestyles and in their “music.” They’re virtually exempt from charges of racism when they write derogatory lyrics about whites because those who control the SC Reserve make the rules, which say: only white people can be racist and blacks are inherently immune.

Curiously, there are some who can never possess Sensitivity Credits under any circumstances. Among these would be people who oppose abortion - even if they’re black. Clarence Thomas found this out the hard way when the Senate Judiciary Committee and the Mainstream Media ran him through the ringer during his confirmation hearings for the US Supreme Court because, unlike his black predecessor Thurgood Marshal, he believed abortion was killing babies and he would never support it on the bench the way Marshal did. So, he was “Borked.” As Thomas put it: “[This] is a high-tech lynching for uppity blacks who in any way deign to think for themselves.” Because he, too, opposes abortion, President Bush never got any SCs either, even after he spent $15 billion fighting AIDS in Africa. Supporting abortion is an ironclad prerequisite for possessing Sensitivity Credits.

When Bill Clinton was in office he would run his huge account of SCs dangerously low because he sexually harassed subordinate women almost continuously. To keep the National Association of Women (NOW) and NBC Nightly News quiet about allegations that he forcibly raped a woman named Juanita Broderick used up a small fortune in SCs. Then came his impeachment trial in the Senate for lying under oath during a sexual harassment investigation. Only an emergency injection of SCs through extensive mea culpas with “spiritual advisor” Jesse Jackson got him through that. His pardons of rich, white guys during his last days in office bankrupted him. His recent attacks on Barack Obama have run him far enough into the red that whispered suggestions in the MSM that he shut up have begun.