Trust Yourself - Five Years

( By Corbett Barr ) There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago? What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

Me, circa late 2005/early 2006

Dearest 2006 Me - congratulations on getting the optical dispensing job. You were a little worried that you'd return from your year in the USA and not be able to find work, but it only took you 6 weeks. You will have to study, and towards the end of your course you will become a little disillusioned ( some of that old negativity creeping in... ) but dont fret - you pass the course, get your qualification and get licenced. You'll be very proud of yourself, and so you should be.
You wont be stuck at home with Mum and Dad forever either. You'll move out, then back in to save some cash, and the you'll buy a place of your own. This place will become your first family home - yes, despite how you feel right now, the way you get anxious and despair about ever having anyone to love you, you DO find someone. Or they find you, you're still not sure exactly how it worked.... but you find each other and fate deals the cards and you make yourself a fine little family. Your son is becoming quite the little person - he makes you proud, and you love him dearly. Just like your family love you.... dont ever forget that. You'll have your black moments where it all seems futile, but hold steady - it's all going to come good in time.
Enjoy SE Asia when you get there,
The 2011 You.

Future me? Maybe... image from here

Dearest 2016 Me - How are things? Here's how i hope they are - i hope you have a happy marriage; that you have at least two beautiful children ( one more than you currently have ); that you find a better job than you have now and are content in your work; and i hope that you've sold your first family home. It was full of love ( and unfolded washing and magazines you hoarded and bloody toast crumbs all through the carpet ... ) but it was a bit too small for more than three people. I hope that you've found a wonderful family-sized house, and that you've made it into a comfortable home for your children to grow up in. I hope that you can look back at me, the 2011 you, and see me as a strong, resilient woman, and that you are glad for the way that i was... I literally made you what you are ( or aren't, as it may turn out to be ). I'm looking at you, five years away from the here and now, and i'm almost certain the soul-searching i'm doing in this time and place will make you a good woman, a good mother, a good wife. A good person.
Give 2016 Mick a big, dirty, pash from me,

The 2011 You.

Poetry - Past or Present?

Erin from Motherhood Y'all commented on this post that i had " writing talent " when it came to poetry. It was a nice compliment to receive and it got me thinking about all the poetry i have written in the past. A select few poems have been published ( but only in those Readers Digest anthologys that no-one actually reads... ) but most of my writing was for my eyes only. Back in high school and early adulthood, when i was all bleak and depressed, and back before my blog, poetry was my way of getting thoughts and feelings off my chest and out of my head. My poetry was borne out of pain, loneliness and a dark, dark place. Even so, after the comment on my so-called talent, i felt the need to go back and read some of what i had written. For example ( and for more examples, try searching " Amy Louise Wells " at http://www.poetry.com/ ):

Sonnet

Like holy Mother Mary meek and mild
I'm but a supporting player in this scene.
Why do you treat me like a lowly child?
As if my hopes are nothing but a dream.
Each night at rest my heavy eyes I close
And sleep does visions of my future hold.
And in sleep I am depicted as a rose,
A character both beautiful and bold.
But upon waking I am just a thorn.
At least thats how you often make me feel.
Perhaps I was just better off unborn
Then all of this for us would be unreal.
And so in theses last words I tell it true:
In fact I'm better off not here with you.


Reading it over, i immediately remembered what kind of headspace i was in when i wrote it. I still feel an attachment to every line i've written, even if so much of it DOESN'T relate to my life anymore. There are poems from days i felt abandoned; days i felt angry; days when, living overseas, i felt homesick. There is nothing written out of happiness. I'd never felt the pull of poetry when I was happy. Til now. Til that post last week, when i wrote a poem about my son. Its strange that, of all the thoughts and feelings that this little man has inspired in me, that he should bring me back to poetry, which was always a refuge in a dark place.

Perhaps that means that dark place may have finally seen some light.....

Why Hello There, Little, Old, Me.....

Welcome to Challenge 34 over at Blog This!. The challenge topic this time is:
If you met your younger self - What would you tell yourself? Would you give advice? What advice would that be? Ask about your perception of the world? Give us an idea of who you think you were or who you think you'll be in the future...

( Note, i have done a post similar in topic to this back in 2007, but in the past two years i've learnt so much more! So this challenge post is a completely new and different post to the old one.... )

If i were able to travel back in time, Marty McFly style, and have a bit of a deep and meaningful with my younger self, i think there would have to be three key bits of advice i'd have to impart to teenage me:
Number one: DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR NEGATIVE SELF-VOICE. Seriously, thats in capital letters for a reason, 'cause its pretty damn important. You miss out on so much fun and adventure because you listen so attentively to your worst critic - you. Thats right, its nobody else saying it but you. Its entirely in your head, and in your head is where you'll be spending most of your formative years if you dont tell your inner critic to back the fork off, okay? Turn it off, tune it out and instead of backing out of things when they get a little scary, run into them head first and see which parts hit and which parts glance right off without so much as a scratch.

Number two: Save more money.  How very pedestrian of me to advise you, but yea - save more money. You start working at the age of 14 which means you've literally earned hundreds of thousands of dollars, but now at 26 its nowhere to be found. I'm not saying you have to turn all Scrooge on me and not spend a single cent - i'm just saying maybe dont waste so much of it on crap. CD's are great and all ( although you could have done without East 17's " Walthamstow " or Ricky Martins self titled release... ) and its great having a different top to wear for every day of the month, but all that money frittered away on junk could have had you paying off more of your house or got you overseas sooner, and more often. Future-You loves to travel, but you wont get to do all that much of it ( a year sent living overseas and one short trip to SE Asia ) before your first child arrives because Young-You didnt save, save, save!

Lastly, Number three: Pay more attention at your Year 12 formal. Particularly to a young man that comes as a guest of one of your classmates. His name is Mick and you will meet him 8 years into the future, fall madly in love, get engaged and have a gorgeous baby boy. When you meet, you have no idea you were both at that same function all those years ago, and find it amusing that the universe sees fit to bring you back together after that first faint brush with fate. If you had both only known, you could have been together so much sooner, and both of your lives would have been completely different!
Also, rethink the velvet dress- right cut, right colour, wroooooooong fabric.......