I think i need my head read

You know what ? I hate cryptic dreams sometimes. Dont get me wrong - sometimes the absurdity of my own subconcious amuses me, but sometimes it annoys me no end. I especially dislike it when i wake up in the middle of a crazy dream, because then there is no chance of making it to the end and maybe making some sense of it. I hate that - i'm left completely puzzled for at least an hour later. How can i enjoy my peanut butter on toast for breakfast when i'm puzzled ?

I've already posted about my Uncle Steve the Big Red Alligator dream, which has got to be one of my all time weirdest dreams, but the dream/s i had last night rank right up there on the crazy list. So in the first one i was back nannying in the US, back with the same host family, but my room upstairs wasnt quite the same. It was configured slightly differently but i didnt have stairs - i had a slide ( or a slippery dip as we call them in Australia ). So, if you can imagine, i had a few stairs to get TO the room, but to get back down i had a slide that ended in the kitchen. Plus, i was naked for the majority of the dream. Whats up with that? I'm running along the incredibly long hallway - like absurdly long, 50 rooms long - with the the three year old, and i'm naked; I'm driving the boys to school and i'm naked; i'm folding the washing in the living room and i'm naked. The only time i wasnt naked in the dream was when i was introducing the boys to my aunt and 6 month old cousin. What the freaking hell ?

And in my second dream, i was back working retail at the place i worked before i went to the US. But instead of being indoors, it was like the shop was surrounded by walls but had no roof, and i was manning a register in the boiling hot sun. I was frying people - frying! And nobody cared. And all these people i went to school with, people who were grades above that i was never friends with, they all worked there too. But they got shady spots to work in, unlike poor old me who was turning lobster like in the sun. My old bosses just walked right on past and i started yelling about suing the arses of the company for letting me burn. What is up with that ?

See, you've just read what i dreamt - none of it makes sense, right ? What is any of that supposed to mean ? So i'm naked and burning, which might make sense if i lived in the middle ages and was afraid of being outed as witch, but doesnt make so much sense right here and now. They were both set in places i worked in the past, but so what ? Whats going on there? Does anybody have any ideas here ?

Seriously, please tell me i am not the only one who is mildly nuts like this....

Smile, smile, smile !!!

Thank God for the therapeutic healing powers of the a session at the gym and a yoga class, because i had a muy dodgy day. I had three - count them, three - head office management type people visiting my branch today. From here on in they shall be referred to as Mac, Yogi and The Bell. Its a pain in the arse having one come to visit, but three at the same time? Nightmare. First of all, it means i have to fake smile my way through the entire day, even when i'm hearing things i dont necessarily want to hear, and secondly i have to continually find something to do so i look busy. Anyhoo, i dont particularly like Yogi or The Bell ( Mac is pretty cool ) so it really was an ordeal to keep up the " happy, cheery, i totally want to be here! " facade for my entire shift. Especially when one of them was pretty much telling me how shitty a job i happen to be doing with my branch.

For those of you who dont know i'm a qualified dispensing optician and i manage an optometry practice. I've only been manager for a year and though i'm trained as a dispenser, i've had no formal training in how to manage a business. So when when Yogi comes in and start radically changing my frame displays, telling me i have far too much stock and need to implement better stock management and basically treating me like, for lack of a more politically correct term, a retard, well, its pisses me off a little. On the inside. I'm not giving them the satisfaction of letting them see how much they're annoying me. Score one to me!

The Bell is a little different - she's one of these people who is really good at giving back handed compliments or smiling encouragingly as she's giving you negative criticism. That annoys me - BIG TIME. She also drums into you how important certain aspects of the job are, but then gives you no help whatsoever in achieving the targets and cuts you down if you try and do anything proactive towards making the goal. I dont know whats more annoying really - Yogi treating me like an idiot, or The Bell treating me as intelligent, but inferior.

But screw all that. I've put up with them and now they're out of my hair. I can go in tomorrow and put my displays back the way I like them ( and the way they work in my store, not how they assume will be best ) and focus on my targets without feeling like im doing the crappiest job ever. And i know that might sound like i'm just really bad at taking direction and that i have no respect for authority, but thats not it either. Mainly its that they're coming from another city, another market, and assuming that works best for their clientele is going to work best in my branch too. Thats not the case. I just think its best to cater to the market you're servicing - give the people what they want, you know ?

Really, is any wonder i'm secretly applying for new positions in other companys left, right and centre ?

Welcome to my boudoir.... or not

Well, thats it - I'm officially moved back in with my parents. Its suprisingly comfortable, although i predict it wont always be. For starters, i think i'm not entirely comfortable with some of the restrictions on my freedom now - most specifically, the the " rules " i know my parents have for relationships under their roof. And by relationships, i mean sex.

Dont get me wrong - its not like i go out and pick up strangers for a quick shag every weekend. And neither do i have a boyfriend who would be " sleeping " over. My point is now that i'm back with the parentals units, I cant. Remember RNG ? Well, he's still a really nice guy but i think he's destined to be a really nice guy " friend " rather than " boyfriend ". I think this can be partly blamed on the fact that we havent seen each other since i blogged about our second date ( due to him doing 10 day rotations and us living in different towns ) but i'd be stupid if i didnt notice his drop in conversation levels since i told him i was moving home. Despite not having seen each other we have been in regular contact and i think the spark has just gone because we havent been able to indulge it, but surely it cant be attractive to him that i know share a house with authority figures. Figures who make rules which make intimate relationships very difficult.

Aside from that one little issue, i'm not quite sure why i still feel a little odd. I a lame now that i live with my parents ? Is it sad that i've returned to the family home, even if it is for nole reasons? Or is it all in my head - or his ? Apparently, according to various articles i've seen or read in the past few years, there are a whole tonne of Gen-Yers living with their parents. Hell, some of them havent even left and come back, they've just remained stagnant in their childhood bedrooms. So why do i feel so...so...so turned about ? Like i've taken a huge step backwards, instead of seeing and knowing it for the opportunity it is.

But enough about me and my oncoming man drought. Hell, my continuing man drought. Other than my lack of male attention, things arent going so badly. Ive applied for some really great jobs and was talking to an old school friend early today who said she might be looking for a flatmate later this year. I might have scored me a place to live and a cool roomie, all in one!
Things are looking okay and you know what ? They have the potential to get so much better. r at least different. And dont they say change is as good as a holiday ?

The Unveiling of the Secret Plan

So in the past few posts, I have hinted at a “ plan “ I have. Before you get too excited, this plan does not involve high-flying travel, millions of dollars, or joining the CIA. Rather, it is a plan for getting myself the hell out of here – out of DubVegas, out of my rut and out of the doldrums.

Yes, that’s right, I have finally got my act together and decided to move away from Dubbo. I know that there is one of you in particular who may be reading this that suggested a move away from my hometown a long time ago, and now I’m trying to put that into motion. After the last few months of frustration and disgruntlement in my job, and going back into counseling with a psychologist and general “ my life is a big pile of poo “-ness, I sat back and hard a good hard look at who I am and where I’m headed, and I decided the future wasn’t looking all that bright. I’d always said, from the time I was in my early teens, that I didn’t want to live here forever, but I’ve just never been able to determine the right time to go. So, in sitting back and taking this objective look at my life as it is, I thought “ If not now, when ? Who says this isn’t the right time ? It could be the wrong time, but if I don’t make that leap, how will I ever know ? “

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m leaping. Not without looking mind you, I don’t want to break my leg or anything.

I’m making said leap – to Sydney. I’m not expecting anything to happen too immediately, but I’m hoping to be able to make a start down there by the end of the year. I’ve started applying for jobs down there, mostly around the western suburbs and inner west, and have started keeping an eye on rental properties and prices. I’ve checked out train routes and surfed Google Maps to see how far certain suburbs are from one another. I’ve spoken to P and to one of my uncles about keeping an eye out for work opportunities, and also about crashing at their places if I got a job but couldn’t find a place to live right away. To tell the truth, I’m kind of excited.

And you know what ? I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like now that I finally have a semi-clear idea of what I want and how to get it, its like a veil has been lifted and I can see so much better now. Far from being anxious or nervous at what might be coming, the prospect of living a new challenge has me brimming with confidence. I’ve been cheerier, more contented, the past few weeks than I have been for a long, long time. There have been a few decisions that I’ve had to make that have seen momentary downturns in mood, but for the most part its been smooth and happy sailing.

The only decision that’s had me a little “ flip-floppy “ thus far has been this – I’ve decided to move back in with my parental units. Yes, I’m returning to the nest that only a couple of years ago I was all too eager to flee. The move home was actually my dads suggestion – shock!horror! – but it makes perfect sense. See, my sister has lost her fulltime job and cant afford to live out of home with me anymore, and in her leaving I would be back to paying all the rent and all the bills myself. My Dad rightly pointed out how would I save any money for an impending move if I was spending it all on the cost of living on my lonesome? So the idea was put to me that I move back into the family abode, back into my old room, put all my furniture in storage, and save the money I would be paying to a landlord. I agree, that IS a good idea ( why else would I agree to it ? ) but it did pose a few immediate issues. When was I ever going to get some “ alone time “ ? How was I going to be able to walk around in my underwear and get dressed in front of the heater in the morning ? And forget any intimacy with RNG ( who I haven’t mentioned in a while…. ) – that shan’t be happening under my parents roof! But I guess those are the sacrifices I’m going to have to make in an effort to find a life, and myself. On the upside I’ll almost always have someone to hang out with; I’ll only have to cook one night a week and I wont have to pay for groceries anymore.

So there you be, ladies and gentlepersons – the unveiling of my secret plan. Everybody wish me luck and if any of you have any tips or tricks or ideas that you want to pass on, please do.
Viva la vida, people, viva la vida!