My butt is getting bigger and its all my fault

Yes, you read it right - my butt is getting bigger and its all my fault. Although, my mum could have shrunk my pants in the wash* but i dont think thats it. No, I think my new found love of exercise is giving me a bubble butt. I blame this one machine at the gym ( again, I dont know its technical name... ), the one where you lie on your stomach and hook your feet around the pegs and then kick your legs backwards so your feet tap your bum. You know, that one. I think the repetitive motion is toning the muscle ( as it should! ) and, consequently, its making my butt " higher ". That makes sense right ? I mean, the last time i had my measurements taken by a trainer my waist had slimmed, the circumference of my thighs had gone down and my upper arms had lost flab - but my bottom had increased a centimetre ( or half an inch for you North American type people ). Not fair. Pretty soon I'll look like " one of those rap guys girlfriends " and i dont care how much Sir Mix-A-Lot likes them, I DONT like big buts ( and I cannot lie ). Although I suppose then i would be able to feature in the next Flo-Rida/50 Cent/ Ludacris ( hell, pick any random rapper ... ) video, except for the fact that i'm white. Maybe i could star with Eminem if he werent so busy sitting in his mansion chunking himself up like a modern day Elvis ( and no offense to either Eminem or Elvis - both white boys doing " black " music and coming out on top. Respect. )

Dont mind me, ranting and raving on about the size of my derriere either. It just suprised me a little this morning when the pants i hadnt worn for a while - and by a while i only mean a week - didnt quite feel the same. Like maybe they were half a size too small. And its also not like i'm morbidly obese and getting bigger either - I'm a size 10 ( a US size 6 or a UK size 8 for my international readers ) so even if i did put a bit more junk in my trunk - so to speak - it shouldnt be a huge concern. Just struck me as kind of odd is all, and no-one needs that when they're trying to get to work for a conference call.

On the plus side, I am rocking an awesome curvy figure. Round butt, small waist - the whole hourglass thing. I can pull off pencil skirts and sky high heels in a totally 50's retro-sexy kind of way.

I wonder if there is some machine at the gym that could possibly perk me up in the bust department too ?

* No, i dont make my mum do my washing. She's just usually up first and gets to it before me...

" Observation " overload

Alright, so I'm going to admit it - I'm a perve. No, its true, I'm a dirty, dirty perve. Some of you may remember Banky McHands, and he's still on my perving radar, but its more than that. I am not going to mention exactly how long its been since I've had the " company " ( ahem ... ) of a good man, but suffice to say that its been long enough that I now find myself checking people out everywhere I go. For example, you know that underwear ad featuring David Beckham ? Umm... yes please. Or last night I'm watching " Baby Mama " at the movies and my first thought is " Wow, Tina Fey has sexy-ass legs ". This was followed closely by " I totally want her shoes!! " Good freaking Lord.

So aside from young Banky McHands, I am now checking people out at the gym. Thats normal right ? Half the people at the gym are only there to give other people the once over. So, anyways, I'm at the gym, on one of the machines that works your triceps - yes, I know the machines have names, I just dont know what they are - and I'm doing my thing, working up a sweat.... and I cant help noticing one of the regulars working up a sweat too. He's definately older than me, maybe around 30, could be married, and he's probably going bald because he has a really close cropped buzz cut but there he is, and there I am, watching the muscles in his legs move under his glistening skin. Of course, I'm watching out of the corner of my eye while i ( try to ) concentrate on what I'm doing.

Or this afternoon, after work, I'm in line at the supermarket, waiting for my turn with the cashier. There is a guy a few places in front of me, kind of tall, dark hair, scruffy, unshaven thing going on - just my type actually - and he looks around absentmindely. Just for a fleeting second I feel like he's giving me the eye so from that point until he's paid for his stuff and is out of sight I'm secretly giving him the once over. Nice bum, strong looking chest, nice arms under that t-shirt.... for God's sake Amy, just pay for your tzatziki and get out of here!

Thankfully, this newfound obsession with observation hasnt yet encroached on my life too much. I mean, its not likeI'm surfing the net for porn or chasing poor innocent young men down the street. I mean, I'm not THAT desperate ( yet ). But I'd like to think that maybe, sometimes, someone could possibly be perving on me and that this isnt just a one way street.

That would just be too, too sad, wouldnt it ?